DemetersHarvest Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 I was dating a man for eight months or so. We are both middle-aged. But oh, was I stupid. Not sure what possessed me, but my EQ dropped 100 points during this experience. I've done things I otherwise would never do, starting with ignoring the red flags and dealbreakers. Even my body was telling me something was off, but I proceeded. The guy used me, including for a significant amount of money, which I will never see again, I suppose. He was always broke, or so he said. Was selfish and self-absorbed, and needed things on his terms for the most part. He was extremely sensitive, and I felt that i needed to be super-diplomatic to bring things up, or else he would shoot from the hip. He had mood changes from seemingly good to intense anger within a split second. Something I said or did would set him off. We had really good times, too, and I guess I was trying to hang onto those. And then he accused me of stalking (I never stalked him), and ended it. I am really upset with myself. I knew what was going on, but did not walk away. I knew I was his rebound. The day before he kicked me to the curb, we had a very close evening, long hugs goodbye, etc. I was his only ray of light, and he would have nobody else. Blablabla. It's like he was bipolar or a Borderline Personality. I went from meeting all of his expectations to objectified criminal in his mind. And committed blunder after blunder. He was an emotional vampire, sucking me dry to build his fragile ego, and once he had his fill, he was done with me. He had no sense of self, and depends on other people's input about what to think and do. He bitched about his ex-wife more than we talked about us. The scary part is, he is a respected member of our community. There's no need to kick me further, I'm already doing a great job with this myself. But I will suck every opportunity out of this experience to learn. This was not my normal MO, AT ALL. I'm trying to reset my life to the point where I met him, but did not want to date him initially. He followed me to a pub for a "surprise" meeting when we first met in person. I was out with friends. Guess who the "stalker" is.
Assasda Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Who cares about "who the stalker is" If youre with someone like that. It says a lot about who you are. Work on your self-esteem OP 1
Toodaloo Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Oh dear... Next time heed the warning signs and jump ship earlier... 2
Arieswoman Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 DemetersHarvest, First of all I am sorry to hear that you have had this bad experience. Now, stop beating yourself up over this and try see what you have learned from it. I would bet that every single person who posts here has made unwise choices in the past ( and that includes me ) but have moved forward to making healthier choices. IMO you need some 'time out' for yourself. Forget about dating at the moment. You need to grieve for this lost relationship (even if it wasn't all good, you still need to grieve) and you may find that some counselling helps. Decide what you really want out of life and go for it. Good luck. 3
Author DemetersHarvest Posted October 24, 2014 Author Posted October 24, 2014 Of course I'm picking this apart to see why I allowed myself to veer off my usual trodden path. This was also my first "relationship" after my divorce, but I have been separated and living alone for almost five years. I really don't care to repeat this experience I just had. Part of me just refuses to believe that human beings can be such asshats. I believe(d) that good begets good. Well, I guess, not so much, and the folks who constantly point out how honest they are, seem to be the worst. That's why I see a silver lining in this mess. It's like touching a hot plate versus just knowing it's hot, but never felt it. I felt it alright. And hope that the Karma bus will run him over at some point. As for my self-esteem, it's generally intact. But I did sign up for some counseling, I think it's in order. If there is a higher power, he will have to answer to that one in due time. I have never left the high road, he did. The amount of lies and manipulations are pathological. 1
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