Moving on and getting over your ex girlfriend

[mattsdv1986]

Wanted to share my story for people - not 100% better but moving on feels good!

 

My ex girlfriend and I were dating for 6 years, talks about marriage, kids, etc - we moved out to Denver to be closer to her family and I became extremely resentful because we never had a discussion about it. She basically said fi you want to be with you'll move because I am moving regardless. We broke up 2 other times in the last 2 years, but always came back to one another. I really wanted to change (be more present, make bigger sacrifices, stop being so prideful) and would tell her this.

 

After being broken up for a month, we get drinks - have sex - then she comes back and says that we need more time and space - and we cant just jump back into old habits. I dont talk to her for 9 days - she comes back and ask if we can grab a drink. Her friend tells me she isnt dating anyone - but wants to experience things outside the relationship since she gave me so many chances and here we are again.

 

We finally schedule to meet, she invites me over, then the next day tells me its a bad idea because she misses me as a person from her life and we are not getting back together. Tells me she is dating other people and doesnt want to rehash things. We finally do meet up, joke, laugh, hang out, and she starts asking me questions about the girls im dating and that we can be friends. I tell her we both need to date to get some perspective, but i eventually want to know if we can find other people of if were meant to be and then we can reconnect. she agrees. it ended with her telling me later by text that she had a great time and thinks its best for us and will make us both happy to continue doing what we are doing - that she excited for this next chapter.

 

After this (1 month post breakup) she checked in with me ever 4 /5 days when I was doing no contact. She has said everything from I miss you, that break ups are awful, to texting me for drunken hook ups, just calling to check in, etc. When I gave in and talked, she totally reverted and became cold and mean. When I say we needed to not talk, she gots extremely angry and freaked out about old arguments.

 

It came to a head (2 months after breakup) when I asked her to drinks and she was all for it, until the day came when we were supposed to get drinks (2 days after asking her). She said it wasn’t the best idea since we aren’t going to be together, that our ship has sailed and she has no idea what signals I got that we aren’t broken up. That she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and that we had out shot.

 

2 days after this (2.5 months after the breakup), she found out that I was sleeping / dating someone new (nothing serious) and freaked out. Said that this sealed the deal, that I am a liar - how could I possible say I love her and sleep with someone else (dating other people was her idea). She then said that she felt betrayed that I can move on so quickly and she is taking time to heal and I am now in a "serious relationship" (which is so far from it when I want since I wanted to be with her). She then texted me 2 days after this if we could have a serious conversation - I agreed, but she came back saying she didn’t need to and there was no point and nothing I could say would make her not feel hurt, but maybe I could email her and she might listen to how I feel. I just left it with maybe it’s not the best time for us to talk, and when things have calmed down we could have a discussion. After this, she literally blocked me on all forms of communication. About 2 month after she told me she missed me / 4 mopths post breakup) (present), she became extremely indifferent, almost professional-like when speaking to me. I find out from a friend she is dating someone else and he is "making her really happy" and they are in a new relation / BF/GF. After trying to meet up with her for a drink, she tells me to "move and and that I need to stop clinging to us and she doesnt want to confuse me." Her friend came into town last week (who I am a good friend with) and said that she has changed - is extremely prissy, stuck up, needs everyone to pay attention to her and that she is not the same person that we both know before we moved. She also said that spending time with her she realized she is extremely selfish - kind of sucks that she has turned int othis person. I sent her an email about 2 week ago (like 5 pages) basically saying everythign I wanted, everything Im improving on, and everything I wish I done. No response. She imed me today (4.5months post breakup) basically saying that she wants no relationship with me as friends or otherwise. After that I told her that I didn’t want it either because she is a selfish person that literally only cares about herself. Told her not to call, email or write me and I will not do the same. I am done – time to get up and move on. You know you had too much when you had enough.

 

So yes, breakups are crappy. The person who I knew for six years and cared about so much lied, manipulated and crushed me and has no care in the world. She jumped into a new relationship extremely quickly, and is over me. But, you know what - as much as it sucks, its for the best. Why would I want to be with someone who turned out like this? People change, not always for the best. The person who I met and fell in love with is not the person who could easily say to me - I don't want you in my life.

 

Moving on is rough, I am still doing it. But sometimes you need to say whatever, there is someone prettier, smarter, and will treat you better.

[dragonfire13]

It sounds like you both want to move on, but keep dragging each other back as soon as either of you starts dating other people.

 

I've been there, and it passes. Given enough time, those feelings will start to fade.

 

This is honestly why NC is the best way to go... no contact, and STICKING to it. Don't get sucked into any kind of communication, not for a long long time, if ever. You will both be thankful for it in the long run.

[loversquarrel]

She shouldn't have given you such a hard time when she found out you have been dating and sleeping with someone else, she thought it was a good idea in the first place. I've been in a similar situation with an ex, it only took her a week to set up a few dates and hook up with someone, all the while keeping tabs on me. Screw that....I don't care how much I loved her, I chose to love myself more. I tried to overlook it but it got to me and made me seriously question how much she really felt for me, because honestly I have a hard time believing if someone is truly in love with a person as much as they say, they don't engage in that type of behavior, whether they were the dumpee or the dumped. A week is too quick, unless of course they didn't care as much for you.

 

You tried, several times over the course of several months, only to be disappointed time and time again. A person can only take so much before they get the picture...What does she expect???