blackendangel13 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Ok here is my deal. My boyfriend and I have been together almost 5 months. I really love him and I know he loves me, but lately things are turning really sour. He came from a relationship where he was cheated on and I came from one where I was very unappreciated. So I understand his jealousy (and try not to provoke it) and I thought he understood my need to feel wanted. Well for the last month things have gotten really hard. I have been dealing with a lot of emotional pain (pain that was there before him) and it seems his actions are not helping. He still calls me twice a day like always but the conversations are a lot shorter. He used to be so into me that we would talk for hours and he would constantly tell me and show me how into me he was. About 3 weeks in he used the L word and since then its been downhill. He is not an emotional guy and I have learned to deal with that. I know he cares for me but he never says it unless he is really drunk or I say it first. The distance (30 miles) is starting to wear very thin because I am the only one doing the driving. In the past few weeks I have quit going out to see him in hopes that he would drive out and stay with me (I am 21 on my own and he is 24 living with his parents, whom I love). Everytime I ask him to come out he pitches a fit or makes some excuse. He is not working (this makes 3 months now) and not looking all that hard so I am hoping that all this weirdness is his work depression and not that he is bored of me. But it gets worse. Our sex life used to be great. We were like rabbits (as most new couples are). Now I am lucky to get it once a week and that is him only doing it to shut me up I think. I could be wrong but he basically gets his and goes to bed. It didn't used to be like this and he used to make sure I was satisfied too. I always make jokes and try to seduce him but he is not interested. It is making me feel very unattractive. I know some people go through depression from being unemployed. I was there too when I was looking for a job, but I think it might be a bigger problem than that. It seems now that I only see him at concerts (we are both active in the music scene as musicians) where he catches a ride with friends. I have tried to talk to him about the driving, the sex, and all the other issues but it seems he never has time to discuss them. Its just really getting me down. Am I reading too much into this or could he be bored of me? We both really liked each other for a long time but never persued each other. When we finally did talk we got really swept up. He asked me to be his girlfriend after our first "date". He was the one who fell hard for me. Maybe the love is just wearing off. Any suggestions?
haywood Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 i'd suggest you act like a mirror. or even less. basically do only as much as he does. he needs to realize what he's missing out on. like they say, you never no what you had until it's gone. i'm not saying break up or anything but be cold to him too. he should feel that you're not there anymore and he should bring it up about why you're not on his case anymore. then you could tell him how you feel and that you want him to do more cuz it's about you two not just him. good luck
Author blackendangel13 Posted March 14, 2005 Author Posted March 14, 2005 Thank you for your advice. We had a long talk on Friday and I told him everything I was feeling and he assured me he was not bored, just the job thing is getting to him. I am still going to pull back a little (which sucks) and see how things go. Most of the time after I say something things improve, so we will see. Thanks for the advice!
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