Author toffeecream77 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 she is showing she got balls and she definitely deserve better than this! I really hope that's how I came across. I showed the email exchange with my friends and they all remarked "go girl!" because my messages were light, short and punchy - very nonchalant, they said. I hope it kicked him in the balls. But probably not. While speculation isn't good, but he's probably feeling relieved. Anyway, this all confirms that I was right - not meeting was the best course of action, tho of course, I do wish he tried harder, that he was more sincere and had more feeling in him. I wish things could have been different. That's why it hurts so much. But there you go.
Author toffeecream77 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 I would to add that I was harsh and said to him that I lost respect for him, and a lot of feeling, and that I still didn't know if i wanted to see him - this was the last time we spoke, a week ago.
Author toffeecream77 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 I am already starting to regret how harsh I have been. He has asked 4 times to meet up and talk. It's so hard to ignore my feelings.
BeautyPrincess Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 He's asked 4 more times since you said no? I would say that u need to do whatever u need to do for yourself. If you're not ready to meet, or don't want to, that's completely up to u. My question is though, do u want to get back with him? Or are u really 100% done? I know I'm torn right now and go from knowing I want to be with him, to being done. It's tough! Again, just from another perspective....if u asked your ex to meet up and he said no, would u keep on asking and risk getting shot down again? I appreciate that he broke up with u and if he really wanted u back he would fight, buttttt, and obviously I don't know him, would he risk being knocked back again? U say he's asked u 4 times now. I'm kind of trying to play devils advocate lol
Author toffeecream77 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 He's asked 4 more times since you said no? I would say that u need to do whatever u need to do for yourself. If you're not ready to meet, or don't want to, that's completely up to u. My question is though, do u want to get back with him? Or are u really 100% done? I know I'm torn right now and go from knowing I want to be with him, to being done. It's tough! Again, just from another perspective....if u asked your ex to meet up and he said no, would u keep on asking and risk getting shot down again? I appreciate that he broke up with u and if he really wanted u back he would fight, buttttt, and obviously I don't know him, would he risk being knocked back again? U say he's asked u 4 times now. I'm kind of trying to play devils advocate lol I asked him around four times to come back home for us to talk about things a month ago. He only came back this week. And while I still have feelings, and do want him back, i know he couldn't make me happy. But I still want him to want me. I don't think he will ask me again, tho my friends think he will. But as I said, i don't think he wants to get back together, despite what he says about having an open mind to talk....I think he feels guilty about not coming back initially and doing things face to face. He says it's not about this, but I think it is. And if he really wanted to get back together, he would be trying a lot harder and not going on tinder or lying to me about it!
xUnknown Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I'll be honest, I joined tinder the day after we broke up. I never really saw anything wrong with it. I did it just to build my confidence up. It was a way to start up talking to women again (in some way) after being out of it for nearly 3 years. I wanted to learn how to take rejection again if a girl never responded to me. If I got turned down, I didn't want to take it personally and rehash the feelings of the breakup, bringing me down even more. I wanted to just build up my confidence and learn how to take being turned down as just not being interested. I think the real question is if he has started dating... not that he joined tinder. Its an app. I use it because its fun, I get bored, and its something to do while learning to build my confidence, learning how to get turned down, and spit game again (again, for confidence and ego). 1
xUnknown Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 I asked him around four times to come back home for us to talk about things a month ago. He only came back this week. And while I still have feelings, and do want him back, i know he couldn't make me happy. But I still want him to want me. I don't think he will ask me again, tho my friends think he will. But as I said, i don't think he wants to get back together, despite what he says about having an open mind to talk....I think he feels guilty about not coming back initially and doing things face to face. He says it's not about this, but I think it is. And if he really wanted to get back together, he would be trying a lot harder and not going on tinder or lying to me about it! He lied to you about it because he cared about you and didn't want to hurt you, he tried to hide it - as wrong as it was. Or, because he is trying to date. But right now, you don't really know why. You just know he lied about it. But, you don't know his intentions of WHY he lied.... He wasn't ready to talk about it then. Gotta give him time to cool off and let things settle down. Emotions run high and you have to let them cool off before you start thinking with an open mind. You know you shouldn't get back together. But, you know you want to talk to him. Sounds like your mind is made up already. You won't be getting back together, but you want to get some sort of closure from it. Just call him, be mature about everything and see what happens. I'd rather live a life of "what if's" than a life of "oh wells".
Author toffeecream77 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 He lied to you about it because he cared about you and didn't want to hurt you, he tried to hide it - as wrong as it was. Or, because he is trying to date. But right now, you don't really know why. You just know he lied about it. But, you don't know his intentions of WHY he lied.... He wasn't ready to talk about it then. Gotta give him time to cool off and let things settle down. Emotions run high and you have to let them cool off before you start thinking with an open mind. You know you shouldn't get back together. But, you know you want to talk to him. Sounds like your mind is made up already. You won't be getting back together, but you want to get some sort of closure from it. Just call him, be mature about everything and see what happens. I'd rather live a life of "what if's" than a life of "oh wells". Thanks for your perspective. It's interesting. I agree that I'd rather not live a life of what ifs. That's why I pleaded with him to return. After all, how can you end a 2 year relationship on the phone, with no real discussion? End it after being away for 2 months? 4 weeks later, he returns when the time is right for *him*. I don't need closure. If he was to beg for me back, and we really talked the way I wanted (which he claims he wants to do as well - regardless of the outcome), then I could consider it. But he has told me so many almost unforgiving things. It's just too much for me to handle on my own. We could overcome it, but I don't think he has it in him. I wish it could be different. What he is doing, is too little, too late. But i still wish he would fight.
Author toffeecream77 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 ps I called him bravely around two weeks ago asking him to come back and talk. he could return that...
Author toffeecream77 Posted November 6, 2014 Author Posted November 6, 2014 he messages me randomly just now stuff about the apartment, stuff about my trip and he says he still wants to meet in the future, tho he understands why i don't want to because of the unpleasant situation no question, no nothing pointless msg i reply asking him why i should reconsider meeting him
johnson_j Posted November 6, 2014 Posted November 6, 2014 Do what you should do and block this guy. Tell him "good luck" and walk away.
Author toffeecream77 Posted November 7, 2014 Author Posted November 7, 2014 (edited) he was obviously out last night and didn't reply and i messaged him this morning just to say again i wasn't interested in meeting, he doesn't need to feel guilty, i won't waste my time comforting him (again) and that i am free, much happier and moving on for a moment, i got confused in my post break up haze, and thought maybe he wants to talk about things, getting back together as i suggested. but no, this is just about him relieving his conscience. he did say in his msg that he still wishes we could meet, but he understands my reaction and the unpleasant situation and how he wished it could have happened differently. so my take home message is that he doesn't regret what happened, but how it happened. any thoughts? i'm hurting real deep, i just want to stay in bed and cry all day. of course, i want to meet and discuss things...but not in the way he wants to. maybe we are gettting our wires crossed. he's not even man enough to pick up the phone. it pisses me off sooo much. Edited November 7, 2014 by toffeecream77
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