thebigE Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Hi everyone. I've got sort of a two-part question here. I am a 21 year old male and am a college student. I have never been a serious relationship and now it is biting me in the ass. I grew up with severe anxiety issues that I grew out of in high school that I feel held me back for a number of years. I am a really easy person to get along with, have a lot of great friends and a wonderful family. I have always been known as the "nice guy" and as you can probably guess, that is usually a one way ticket to the friend zone when it comes to relationships with girls. In fact, I had a girl that I tried to date in high school that I was "too good" for her and things split off from there. Story of my life.. It is extremely frustrating to me, because I just sit back and watch all these women I am attracted to fall for guys who are clearly idiots that treat them like garbage and they always ask where all the good guys are? To be clear, I have never had sex, let alone kissed a girl (Insert jokes here ) and I want that to change. I have had a lot of chances in the past few years to get something going with girls I liked but I was either lacking the confidence or always found some lame excuse not to (too busy with school, sports etc). I want that to change and I am open to any advice you guys have out there on how I can start getting girls interested in me as more than a friend. I feel like I need to stop being SO nice and be more flirtatious. I don't know, that's why I came here. Like I said, any advice you guys have is invaluable. Secondly.. Just recently, I met a girl at college through one of my friends who is stunningly gorgeous in my opinion. There were rumors that she had a boyfriend but they were broken up so I didn't know if she was available or not. We talked briefly a few times at a couple parties and then she ended up giving me her number (before I could ask) saying "we should hang out sometime." So we texted back and fourth for awhile and were going to plan on meeting up and grabbing some food one weekend but it fell through and we tried again the next weekend. Instead the texts started turning into her venting about her roommate and other issues that were going on, and I just told her I was there for her, and basically trying to comfort her. Well I knew that was a red flag because I know being the guy that a girl just vents her problems to is not a place you want to be. But we proceeded and eventually met up last weekend. When we met, she was still venting about her situation with the roommate so I listened and we eventually went into town to get food. The chat was better there and and was not as much of a vent session. Then out of the blue, she brought up her boyfriend that I was aware of but wasn't sure if they were still together or not. This guy treats her terrible and cheated on her and she still liked him.. and even had sex. She proceeded to tell me how she still hangs out every now and then with him and she tried to find Halloween costumes for them and then called him a jerk to my face. Then when we walked back, she brought him up again but this time she clarified that they were no longer dating.. So it was a very unusual and I'm wondering whether or not I should continue pursuing this girl? Like I said, I find her extremely beautiful and she is fun to be around but I don't really know what to do from here. We haven't texted each other since we met last weekend so I don't know if I should back off and give her time to figure her situation out (with the ex and the roommate) or continue to text her (not for venting). I thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you in advance for your responses. I want to be in "the game" but it's tough to do with no experience.
SycamoreCircle Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 OP, I think you're on the right path. I was a late bloomer, too. Let me try to give you my perspective: Even though you're old enough to make babies, kill members of ISIS and go to prison for the rest of your life, you're really not a MAN, yet. I know that sounds mean. But it's that you really don't have life experience and maturity, yet. And those sort of things really activate women. Those things generate confidence. Confidence generates humor. Humor generates fun. "And girls they wanna' have fun...oh...oh...girls just wanna' have fun." I'm being a little flippant here and the rule of what I'm saying has its exception. But I know what you're experiencing and there's a kernel of truth to what I'm talking about. I'll say this...at 21, you can have your pick of whatever 14 year old catches your eye. Not so appealing, eh? Well, understand most of the 21 year old girls around you are looking at men older than themselves. The guys just out of reach. The guys who would deign to mess around with a PYT. Here's some rules I believe to be true(mostly) that can save you time: -women are attracted to men older than themselves -if you detect the slightest indecisiveness or craziness from women during the courting phase, abort mission immediately -dating is a numbers game -women are usually attracted to men who resemble their father(or absolutely don't resemble their father) -do not look to Hollywood or porn for how to relate to women -women make it reasonably known to a man when they want it taken to the next level* *Which brings up your latest encounter. I would say she is into you. She wants you to step up. Ask her out. Have something planned. Show yourself off a bit. I would also say she is trouble. It's not clear if she's broken things off with this "jerk" or not. And you can bet...whatever a woman says to a guy about a guy she's been involved with---take that, give the guy 3 Extra Men, a Power Heart and a Game Restart because it indicates INSECURITY and lack of stewardship on her part. Bet that you, Nice Guy that you are, could end up at the same tail end of her sentences 3 months from now. That's the last rule I heartily stress: -Never get involved with a girl who is seeing someone else. NEVER! What I might do if I was in your shoes is arrange another date with her, do something fun, something which takes her off her guard and then at the end of the date(if she's into it) say, "Look Michelle, I really like you and I'd like to see you again but this other guy has to be completely out of the picture. I sense that you're still entangled with him. That's cool. I understand but I don't want to start something that could be a problem for all involved further down the line." Then walk away and never look back. If she contacts you again, she'll have hopefully made a decision.
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 When the venting starts, the girl in Q probably already sees you as a friend, not a guy she wants to date. Sorry. None the less, you can ask her on an actual date. If she turns you down, recruit her to help you find a GF. Many women love to fix people up.
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