BlueIris Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I’ve been dating someone (K) for 2 months, and another person (M) for about a month. Obviously, neither was/is exclusive or sexual, beyond kissing. M and I kissed for the first time last Saturday. I’m going to break up with K. K is very sweet and such a good person, but not right for me. Last weekend, I told him a couple of things that were bothering me- he’s still caretaking for his ex-GF that he claims is toxic, and I have never been invited to his home, town or life. He always comes to me, which has been very nice, but as I reflected on it, it’s felt imbalanced and off. So I was going to go to his town this weekend. Ergh. However, given that I did express concerns about his continuing relationship, it shouldn’t be a complete surprise to him when I end it. BUT, here’s the twist: K lives 2 hours away and has driven 2 hours each way to see me every weekend. So, should I drive to him Saturday, 2 hours each way, to break up with him, or should I call him? It’s more decent and respectful to break up with him face to face. But, if I tell him I’m driving to him this weekend, he’ll assume I’m coming to date and have fun, and might be more shocked. It also feels kind of deceptive. I know that if it were me, I’d rather that he call and break up than say he’s driving up. I'd expect to be going on a date and then be shocked to just have him break up with me and leave. But I want to do it as nicely and respectfully as possible. What do you think? Drive to him or call? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 If you're not even exclusive yet, IMO it isn't really a 'break up' per se, so calling should be fine. Especially in view of the 2 hour drive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueIris Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Ok. Thank you. I just feel bad about it and am not used to telling someone I'm not going to see him any more. They usually handle that part! haha Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I agree with Elswyth that your particular situation does not call for an in total, 4-hour drive. I just feel bad about it and am not used to telling someone I'm not going to see him any more. On the other hand, if you're just going to assault your own self with guilt and such for NOT making that in-total-4-hour-drive...then you might as well just make the drive so as to save yourself from your self-beating. It is your free will choice but, whatever you decide, promise yourself that you are NOT going to self-brutalize for not having made the OTHER choice. They usually handle that part! haha Well...we like equality and all that, so you'd better get used to this part, too; including ALL the many ways that this part can be accomplished Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
David87 Posted October 22, 2014 Share Posted October 22, 2014 I understand the part where you can't drive to do the deed in person, but make sure you give the guy the exact reason for the break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlueIris Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 (edited) Thanks Ronni. I will make the call tonight, with confidence and no self-brutalizing. David, Thank you for the comment. I’m not going to give an “exact” reason because it’s a personality issue. He has some version of White Knight Syndrome, but I’m not going to tell him that. He took enough offense when I described my discomfort with his maintaining his rescuer/fixer role with his ex-GF. He didn’t even understand, and seemed to think I was jealous or possessive- but he was agitated when I asked why he didn't tell her to stop calling. He said it would be "mean." It’s just yucky "breaking up" (to the extent it is a break up) with someone who is a nice person who hasn’t done anything bad or mean to me, but I just know that his personality spells drama and trouble. Edited October 22, 2014 by BlueIris Link to post Share on other sites
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