eastern_mystique Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Hey, I'm new here - I was trawling the web looking for advice over what I should do with my relationship dilemma, when I found this website, and I thought what could be better than to get other people's opinions? So basically, I'm 19 and my ex is 18. After being friends for about 3 months, we started dating in December, albeit with some hesitation from his side, although he quickly settled into the relationship and was very happy (as was I). He broke up with me last week, and I was devastated. I still am, although it has now sunk in and I'm putting up a very convincing facade of happy contentment (so convincing, even my ex said today 'you're in a really good mood aren't you?'). Our relationship was intense and affectionate, but we both knew that my feeling was stronger than his - I didn't mind this as long as we were together - we're young and it's our first serious relationship so feelings take time to develop. But then last week he told me that it didn't 'feel right' anymore and he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue, and he broke up with me. Apparently he'd felt that over the last few weeks things had been 'slowing down' (???), and he just doesn't feel the same as he did before. To make things worse, we were both each other's first and this relationship meant a lot to me, as it did to him. I've tried my best not to initiate contact with him since we've broken up (which has been a week now), although when we see each other at college he always comes and talks to me and we sometimes spend lunchtimes together. I'm very much in love with him, and we had such a good relationship that it doesn't make sense why we broke up. Even now, we're still just as close. We get along so amazingly well and have such good chemistry, we scarcely have a conversation when something from our relationship doesn't come up. Also, a few days ago I had a miscarriage (neither of us were aware that I was pregnant). Panicked, I called him when I came back from the hospital and asked to meet him so that I could tell him what had happened. We were both shaken by it and he was very caring and considerate. It was so nice just to feel his hands holding mine and his arms around me, even if it was for only a few moments. What I want to know, is when our relationship ended over such non-specific reasons (he doesn't know why he 'lost' the feeling), when we get along so well, and when he still does care for me, how should I approach getting our relationship back? In the last few days, I've noticed his eyes on me more, he seems to have picked up that I am appearing quite happy and lively (which I wasn't in the last few weeks of our relationship). My feeling is that our relationship ended, because it became very boring and routine as well as the fact that I was sometimes quite moody which he didn't like - and hence the attraction fled. But now that I'm aware of these things, how should I trying getting back with him? Something I've found said that I should leave him alone for a few weeks, minimum contact possible, and focus on improving my life, then after a few weeks call him and arrange a date, do this a few more times and if things are going well, then broach the idea of getting back together - the idea is to put a plan in place that will restore attraction. I know I may come off as being some precocious little teenager - but my feelings for him run very deep. I believe his for me were sincere too. The issues that I think caused our breakup don't seem unreversible. We run along similar wavelengths too - we both feel that we're in each other's lives for a reason, and indeed it does seem like we gravititate towards each other. What do you think? Was the timing not right? Should I give him space/time to grow and realise what he wants? Or were we naive in thinking we could work out the kinks the first time around? Any advice/comments would be much appreciated, thanks.
agnf666 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Time is the key issue here. I think that you need to do the minuimim contact with him. I would just try to ignore him for a little while. If you can't do that then just talk to him and tell him how you feel and maybe that may put things in a better prospective. I think you 2 can work things out if he is willing.
Author eastern_mystique Posted March 12, 2005 Author Posted March 12, 2005 A new development: Last night he SMSed me on my cell phone asking if I want to go to the cinema tonight. The impression I get is that it'll just be us two...and I said yes after some hesitation. But is he just asking as friends? He told me a few days ago he likes another girl now, who also likes him, but I don't think he's serious about her (he also told me that his parents don't like the sound of this new girl, probably because they like me so much - from that comment, I do wonder if he's just trying to make me jealous and gauge my reaction). I told my parents and my sister, and their feeling is maybe he's starting to get interested again and is testing the water. Admittedly I don't know much about men, but I do wonder why he's be asking me if there's nothing in it for him. Any ideas, anyone?
agnf666 Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 He could have asked you because he may want to try to re establish something. I'm not sure if it is going to be a relationship or just a friendship. If you like him just go with the flow with this then. Don't presure him about being a couple, that will just make things worse
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