Sudden bursts of frustration and regret

[Swimmer916]

Hey all,

 

I hope everyone is doing well today!

 

I was wondering if anyone gets random urges of frustration or regret about their ex? I am feeling better about my situation, about her having another bf, and realizing that everything is over. I do still miss her but it comes in waves.

 

For example last night and most of the day at work I felt pretty great. I felt like my joyous self. For some reason I get frustrated at myself and regret not realizing how good of a girl I had. Then out of the blue these thoughts come into my head:

 

I messed up four years of our relationship

I'm 23 I should start finding someone and settling down like my friends

I'll never find someone I love as much as her

Her new bf is better than me

I lose all sort of self confidene and ruin my self image

 

These intense feeling of regret and frustration hit me like truck. I usually try to talk myself out of it and start to feel better again. It's just an awful feeling.

 

 

I know their is a light at the end of the tunnel, and one day I'll reach it

[richburn]

Hey,

 

I know exactly what you mean, but you do have to be kinder to yourself. Its all natural and a phase you have to go through - beating yourself up about it makes it twice (or more) harder.

 

I am currently going through exactly the same thing and I am older then you (42), I have been through a few relationships and beat myself up about it everytime - its the WORST thing you can do - TRUST me - I know.

 

Please, please, please try and be kind to yourself, fighting these phases will make them longer. Your worthy of love as much as anybody else.

 

I have beating up cushions, my friend said I should go out with a red headband on and beat up a fence so afterwards I can laugh at the absurdity of it all.

 

Trust in yourself, rage is one of the last phases - it means your making progress, be kind to yourself. Eat lots of chocolate and treat yourself to something you like doing - you deserve it.

[blackcat777]

my friend said I should go out with a red headband on and beat up a fence so afterwards I can laugh at the absurdity of it all.

 

Totally stealing this idea!

 

But seriously, anyone care to elaborate on the rage phase? I think the sadness has faded, and this is the next level. I know others have said to use it productively, and being constructively physical (dance class!) helps.

 

OP, all the emotions, I hear you, can still come on so strong and out of nowhere. I'm finding peace in that it happens less frequently.

 

I also feel like anger (directed inwardly or outwardly) is so NOT ME and not what I'm about, that I just want to get it out of me, already! Ugh.

 

On the bright side, 23 is young.

[me85]

Yes, sometimes I have episodes where I'll be sad or mad at my ex. Not often but yes, every now and then. In fact, I had an episode this morning. I was even tempted to unblock him on FB just so I could see his profile picture (which I'm positive is of him and his new gf.) I didn't though. I came to my senses and asked myself "Where in the world did that thought come from?!" I haven't had the urge to look at his FB in 10 months.

[richburn]

This is where I got it from might not be applicable to you. The Five Phases of Abandonment Grief and Recovery