liteasair Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 Hi all, First I want to say this website has helped me a great deal in the past and has helped get me to where I am today with managing my relationships, so thank you everyone. I wanted to ask a question about taking my relationship to the next level. So a bit of background GF is 23 I am 28 We have been seeing each other going on 7 months We said the I love you's a couple of months ago Last year on christmas my ex dumped me x max eve over the phone and I was a bit insecure about it, and some of it has carried over to my current insecurities. I find I am still playing a little bit of a game with my gf to try and protect myself. For example, I wanted to do something with her tomorrow, but in my mind I am thinking I will come off too needy so I said wednesday (I do many things like this because I want to seem supportive and less needy). I'm not sure what the proper amount of time to spend with a girl per week is (if one can even put a number on that lol), but I usually see her friday night until sunday morning, and once during the week. Anyway, I love this girl to death and want to keep maintaining the relationship and growing closer. We have never talked about kids or marriage really other than a passing comment months ago that marriage has to come before kids from her (we were n the topic not specifically talking about us, but it did come up). I want to bring up marriage and kids, however again I am afraid of becoming needy and scaring her away. Anyway, what would you loveshacktonians do about this "insecurity" or issue? Am I right in waiting to discuss such matters?
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 Hi all, First I want to say this website has helped me a great deal in the past and has helped get me to where I am today with managing my relationships, so thank you everyone. I wanted to ask a question about taking my relationship to the next level. So a bit of background GF is 23 I am 28 We have been seeing each other going on 7 months We said the I love you's a couple of months ago Last year on christmas my ex dumped me x max eve over the phone and I was a bit insecure about it, and some of it has carried over to my current insecurities. I find I am still playing a little bit of a game with my gf to try and protect myself. For example, I wanted to do something with her tomorrow, but in my mind I am thinking I will come off too needy so I said wednesday (I do many things like this because I want to seem supportive and less needy). I'm not sure what the proper amount of time to spend with a girl per week is (if one can even put a number on that lol), but I usually see her friday night until sunday morning, and once during the week. Anyway, I love this girl to death and want to keep maintaining the relationship and growing closer. We have never talked about kids or marriage really other than a passing comment months ago that marriage has to come before kids from her (we were n the topic not specifically talking about us, but it did come up). I want to bring up marriage and kids, however again I am afraid of becoming needy and scaring her away. Anyway, what would you loveshacktonians do about this "insecurity" or issue? Am I right in waiting to discuss such matters? You still have a bit of time... only 7 months and just started saying I love you. If you feel comfy waiting for Anniversary date (First met, or in your case I love you date) then wait on that. Every year we get closer and closer to achieving higher and higher levels. My SM likes to go slower than others because she is shy like me. So there is always a new surprise in getting to higher levels. We feel in love with who we are, also physical stand points of a relationship were limited by distance and many variables. As we both were not interested in finding a relationship. You can probably guess how many things we kept away as we grew further along. So every Anniversary we get deeper and deeper. Unfortunately after 3+ years we feel physical sex would be our next level, before marriage. Though my SM will never want to marry ever again, from her 25+ years of being married and finding how destructive it can be. Looks like Valentine's day could be a way to get further along. Though many don't realize next levels can be how far you are willing to trust and accept of the other, in growing out of your protective shell. As you won't have to worry about how the other will think differently about you if you should show a side of you that has been reserved. Feeling completely secure is one level many don't try hard enough in a relationship. Many feel you cannot cure insecurities. To me it is BS, as long as you never put any issue aside and talk things over, it will allow for insecurities to melt away. It may take a few years, but as long as you do not allow things to be swept under the rug, trust and acceptance will become as deep as your love for each other. I cannot say what to expect in what you should attempt in obtaining a new level, because every relationship is different. Plus your expectations are different than hers. In a way it is best to dump expectations all together and work on what you both feel comfy with in obtaining your next level, whether it is a physical stand point or obtaining deeper feelings and trust. The wee things that make your connection deeper will make your next level seem more significant than before. Plus will make you feel more confident in allowing more to progress further down the road. 1
Author liteasair Posted October 21, 2014 Author Posted October 21, 2014 You still have a bit of time... only 7 months and just started saying I love you. If you feel comfy waiting for Anniversary date (First met, or in your case I love you date) then wait on that. Every year we get closer and closer to achieving higher and higher levels. My SM likes to go slower than others because she is shy like me. So there is always a new surprise in getting to higher levels. We feel in love with who we are, also physical stand points of a relationship were limited by distance and many variables. As we both were not interested in finding a relationship. You can probably guess how many things we kept away as we grew further along. So every Anniversary we get deeper and deeper. Unfortunately after 3+ years we feel physical sex would be our next level, before marriage. Though my SM will never want to marry ever again, from her 25+ years of being married and finding how destructive it can be. Looks like Valentine's day could be a way to get further along. Though many don't realize next levels can be how far you are willing to trust and accept of the other, in growing out of your protective shell. As you won't have to worry about how the other will think differently about you if you should show a side of you that has been reserved. Feeling completely secure is one level many don't try hard enough in a relationship. Many feel you cannot cure insecurities. To me it is BS, as long as you never put any issue aside and talk things over, it will allow for insecurities to melt away. It may take a few years, but as long as you do not allow things to be swept under the rug, trust and acceptance will become as deep as your love for each other. I cannot say what to expect in what you should attempt in obtaining a new level, because every relationship is different. Plus your expectations are different than hers. In a way it is best to dump expectations all together and work on what you both feel comfy with in obtaining your next level, whether it is a physical stand point or obtaining deeper feelings and trust. The wee things that make your connection deeper will make your next level seem more significant than before. Plus will make you feel more confident in allowing more to progress further down the road. I like the logic presented here getting too deeper levels as time goes on, however I think our relationships are a little different in terms of maybe a religious point of view. It sounds like the two have you have not been intimate yet after 3+ years. I guess in a way all that matters is that you are growing to different levels as a couple. I agree with you about insecurity. I think it can be overcome and I am determined to do so. I also enjoy the idea of making adage I feel comfortable with to just start the subject, because that idea seems to free up my mind a little. Cheers 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 I like the logic presented here getting too deeper levels as time goes on, however I think our relationships are a little different in terms of maybe a religious point of view. It sounds like the two have you have not been intimate yet after 3+ years. I guess in a way all that matters is that you are growing to different levels as a couple. I agree with you about insecurity. I think it can be overcome and I am determined to do so. I also enjoy the idea of making adage I feel comfortable with to just start the subject, because that idea seems to free up my mind a little. Cheers We've been intimate in steps, as time moved on. We are familair with each others bodies and pleasures. sex to us is more than touching. as we both agree that sex without feelings behind it is not much better than self gratification. since we have stong feelings towards each other both mental and physical. Our sharing of how we share our sexuality to each other is close to touching as one can get. Even if we could touch each other, we would not feel so pleasured without having gone so far in our levels together. To put it simpley, most jump into the physical like eating desert before the main coarse. Our way is like having a four coarse dinner and finish off with desert at a 5 star restaurant. Once you do it right, nothing compares. Enjoy finding each level in your relationship. As you may skip here and there, just don't miss out on what makes you stronger in sharing.
d0nnivain Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 Since last Christmas was awful for you, my advice, is say nothing to your current GF. Get through the holidays. Experience what it's like to be happy & have a great NYE date. Then you can start talking about happily ever after once you have passed the one year mark & can have conversations which begin: remember last year when we . . . ?
Author liteasair Posted October 21, 2014 Author Posted October 21, 2014 Since last Christmas was awful for you, my advice, is say nothing to your current GF. Get through the holidays. Experience what it's like to be happy & have a great NYE date. Then you can start talking about happily ever after once you have passed the one year mark & can have conversations which begin: remember last year when we . . . ? Great suggestion. I agree with this, as right now it is my biggest fear (i.e. getting burned at the holidays again)
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