confused05 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Ive been with my girlfriend for 9 months, We are very happy well I know I am and Im pretty sure she is. When we first met she told me she was still friends with her EX ( they havent dated in 1.5 years but he still sweats her ) I was ok with it at first I mean we just met I had no say. But now after 9 months its starting to bother me. Anytime I bring it up to her she gets mad but I really cant deal with this much more. Around xmas time we were having some problems, but didnt break up. I gave her some space and everything got good again. Last week I had her car and saw a xmas card so I looked at it and it was from her to him saying " it will be us again " now I feel like SH|T. But being I found it 3 months later and she still has it so it was never sent I didnt say anything. ( dont want to start a fight over something thats old ) I also found out she went to lunch with him this week. Now heres the kicker Shes pregnant with my baby and is all excited about getting a place with me etc, we have already consolidated a bunch of our bills in each others name and talk about marriage. Is this EX just a friend and im just over reacting or what! I mean Im with the girl everyday and we live together now with my parents. were both 26 I dont think shes cheating but I feel jipped with her keeping him around at all for any reason which I cant figure out. NEED ADVICE! Thanks,
NTB Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 she is preggo man and moving in with you........... i think he is just a friend, i know i am still friends with an ex i had over 3 yrs ago she still tells me she loves me but as a friend nothing more.........
Illusion24 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 The only way you're going to know is if you ask her...talk about let her know what's bother you...You can't marry someone you have no communication with..thats the key to a healthy relationship COMMUNICATION!!! You might just be putting this illusion in your mind cause you're scared of losing her...be confident in your love and make her realize that you are the right man for her...but I think she already knows that if she's having your baby!! Enjoy her and your new family don't' worry about an ex...he's an X for a reason...she's with you and that's all that matters, well should matter...if it bothers you just tell her...she has to respect your feelings
Author confused05 Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 NEVERSAYNEVER : you make a lot of good points.. Hes an X for a reason, also if shes willing to have my baby Im assuming she wants to be with me forever. Sux im the best communicator never get loud or angry and shes the opposite. Its her way and thats that usually and then ends telling me im the one being snotty The problem with the EX is hes so lovey towards her like messages to her saying stuff like ( it was so nice to see you dont wait so long next time i luv you etc. She doesnt send **** like that back to him. And if i say to her you dont love me after she says it she will be like take that back what do you mean of course I do. Also shes with my family etc all the time and is all for moving after our lease is up to another state with me. So I guess im just looking for some outside opinions on everything. The whole thing that scares me is just that why is he still around i cut off my ex's for her ( I thought i cant let an X who i will never be with take a chance runing something with someone i wil be with. thanks guys your helping big time
Illusion24 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 So tell her...not in an insecure way...just simply tell her that you feel as if maybe he's intruding a little to much...that you don't mind them being friends but that she has a responsibility now and she's planning to get married with you...and you know what come to think of it...you're her man...step in and defend what's yours even if she gets a little upset...but only do this once you feel that he's not backing off after she told him something... SHE'S YOUR WOMAN PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN IF YOU HAVE TOO...
Author confused05 Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 That whole card from dec scares me " it will be us again " to him.. But it appears to be never sent being it was in her car still and was addressed to him. My friend said to take it and mail it to her to let her know you saw it but im not trying to start a war and it is 3 months old. And was from when we were having a few probs. I dont think she will tell him anything.. He only calls or texts once every few days and im not even suppose to know about the texts I see them in her phone. Shes only 3 months pregnant so not really visable yet. Im wondering if I should just say nothing and then once he finds out shes pregnant maybe he will back off or just loose interest. Then maybe he will leave her alone without me even getting involved.. He doesnt know shes pregnant yet but he does know we have been together all this time. Once he finds out we have our own place, and a baby im assuming its going to change his mindset..
Illusion24 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 You shouldn't have to go that far into a relationship so that another person takes you seriously...he needs to respect the fact that you're together..nothing more nothing less... You're building a family...that's what matters...let him wonder and call her...so what as long as it doesn't effect your relationship...let be
Craig Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Around xmas time we were having some problems, but didnt break up. I gave her some space and everything got good again. Last week I had her car and saw a xmas card so I looked at it and it was from her to him saying " it will be us again " now I feel like SH|T. But being I found it 3 months later and she still has it so it was never sent I didnt say anything. Shes only 3 months pregnant Am I reading too much into this? How do you know the baby is yours?
Author confused05 Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 hahah i gave her some space as in not bothering her as much during the day with phone calls etc. We never broke up and she still lived with me. Basically I didnt bother her as much and then she started to come after me cause she missed it. We never broke up or didnt hang out etc. We were still together everyday. She could just come and go with her friends as she would. We still had sex as normal and didnt use protection etc and got sloppy with cumming inside her etc ( i know its mine ) I dont think she ever would cheat on me. If she cheated ( which im 101% sure she didnt ) im sure she wouldnt be pushing to introduce our parents, move out with me and be all excited with me for the family we are going to start. It just erks me that hes still there at all. She tells me she wouldnt put up with it but makes me deal with it. I dont get that.
SleepingLover Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 You are young and the X is an X. First, if you are confident and trusting in her, then don't let him bother you. Hold your chin high and don't worry about what he says. What matters is what she says and does. I have had to deal with this issue as being the one whom is the X in question. I don't have feelings for my X... matter of fact she makes my skin crawl since she burnt me so bad. However, I have had to deal with the new boyfriends whom get jealous over nothing. My X and I have children together which means she will be in my life for a mighty long time whether I like it or not and whether her new boyfriends like it or not. When you have kids, it is a package deal even if the romance is lost. Just another perspective. I think, in your case, the X is just being a nuisance and maybe intentionally. It is possible he is trying to see how far he can push it and cause a rift. Don't let him see your insecurity or he'll just keep pushing. He will eventually move on but don't give him any fuel. Ignore him and give her some assurance that you are the ONE. Pamper her always.
SleepingLover Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Oh BTW, if you argue with her or fight with her about this, then his tactics are working. That is what he wants to happen. Don't waste your sanity playing into his game. He's wittling away at your insecurities.
Author confused05 Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Yea i kinda just ignore him being there. I figure he will mellow out once he finds out we live together in our own place, and have a kid ( he doesnt know shes pregnant ) I mean she just called me 2 hours ago telling me she bought a couch and some more plates for our place. ( we have a bunch of stuff we have been buying for our place )
Author confused05 Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by SleepingLover Oh BTW, if you argue with her or fight with her about this, then his tactics are working. That is what he wants to happen. Don't waste your sanity playing into his game. He's wittling away at your insecurities. You wouldnt worry even though she will go out to lunch with him. I mean she will tell me but if i tell her stop talking to him i wont win that argument cause she feels shes not doing anything wrong which is kinda true I guess it just is hard on my part. Like I said i do trust her just want to know she wants me and only me. So if shes willing to have a kid with me ( she can get an abortion ) she seems very happy about this and moving etc then would you say thats a good sign that she wants to be with me. I mean hell i want this kid to have a great life and not a broken home id do anything to avoid that. ( we both come from pretty good familys both parents married for 27+ years and nice to each other )
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 The problem with the EX is hes so lovey towards her like messages to her saying stuff like ( it was so nice to see you dont wait so long next time i luv you etc. She doesnt send **** like that back to him. You need to tell her he has to back off. If he is a friend to her he should allow her to live her life with you. Maybe sometime in the near future YOU can be part of this friendship. That way there is nothing to hide. Be honest with her and tell her how you feel about this situation. Soon enough she won't have time for him - her focus should be on the upcoming baby, you and your lives together!
Author confused05 Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 I hear you. thats what i told her.. I said we are a real relationship now that will always be there this baby is OURS part of each of us. I think this baby will glue us together more and push him out more. ( not the reason we got preg. ) but we will both be so focused on the baby and us ( the 3 of us ) that he will have no place in this.
Author confused05 Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 anyone else heehh sorry this helps talking and seeing responses!
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