fratestar Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 This is something I just don't understand. I am in college but I am still a virgin and have never had a girlfriend of any kind. I have hooked up with one girl but I was a few years ago. I play defensive end on the football team and I am 6'2" 230lbs. I have a lot of guy friends and even female friends but I have suffered from crippling social awkwardness and anxiety for much of my life. Being on a college football team and being a virgin is especially hard as sex is almost always what people talk about. Not a single person I hang out with on the team is having the same kind of struggles that I'm having. I just don't know what to do. My guess is that I am just not attractive enough even though I have been told I am attractive. I am afraid that I will be a virgin for a long time. Can someone give me some advice?
preraph Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 Don't know what you look like, but I'm guessing it's more about your lack of social ability. But this is the time of life to be working on those, and you're in the perfect environment to do it. Accept all invitations to hang out with the guys and smile once in a while, and you'll end up talking to girls and get one interested in you. Volunteer for activities around the school, too, because that gives you with an excuse to talk to people.
Author fratestar Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 Clubs are out of the question as we have little to know free time during the season. As I said I have a lot of guy friends and go to frat parties. The problem is that once I get into the party I freeze. I have no clue how to approach a girl and end up not having fun because I am so nervous while trying to work up the courage to approach a girl. It's at the point where alcohol doesn't even loosen me up anymore. I just have no clue how to make any kind of move and am simply terrified of rejection. I always assume I will be rejected and don't even try anymore. It's gotten so much worse over the years and at this point I am seriously worried that I will go through 4 years of college without having sex.
Author fratestar Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 If I were attractive it would have already happened. I feel like some sort of freak because in High School I used to ask out girls and I just got rejected over and over again. Football was not the big sport in high school so I was a normal person. Being rejected that much put a bad taste in my mouth and assured me that I would be rejected by every girl I spoke to. Now I can't bring myself to even try.
Author fratestar Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 (edited) I am 19 and I am a college virgin. I never even thought this was possible. I expressed concern to my parents about this happening but they assured me it was nonsense. Now it is a horrifying reality. I was recruited to play football and play on the team. I play defensive end and am 6'2" 230lbs but have only hooked up with one girl and have never definitely never had a girlfriend. All my guy friends tell me to just put myself out there but I can't bring myself to do it because of crippling social anxiety. I walk into a frat party and I get butterflies in my stomach and look around the room in a terrified state. I have no idea how to approach a girl without looking like a complete loser. I know a girl will reject me immediately so I don't even try anymore. I wouldn't even know what to do if some girl happened to be interested in me because I am so inexperienced. I feel like some sort of alien because I am a virgin on a college football team. It has gotten to the point where I can't stand to listen to my friends talk about girls and sex. We have sunday practices and sometimes I go as late as possible to avoid listening to the guys talk about girls they ****ed the night before. I have realized that I am just unattractive even though I have been told otherwise. I have a few female friends but I have no clue how to make a move, how to flirt, or how to even hold a one on one conversation with a girl. I have never not been rejected and I think that is why I don't even proposition girls anymore. I don't know what to do. It eats away at me every day because none of my friends have the same struggles. Someone give me some advice. Edited October 20, 2014 by fratestar
umirano Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 Well, I understand where you're coming from. But honestly, there are no good news for you. Either you put yourself out there and sit through a couple of rejections, or you don't, and consequently will be alone for a very long time. Maybe until someone feel pity for you, but I doubt this will make you happy. That's really what it boils down to. And I suggest you go about this aggressively and rather quickly. Just make it a point to approach a girl at every frat or other party you go to. Approach girls anywhere. Just make yourself noticed. If you like a girl smile at her, walk up to her and ask her her name. Or wish her a wonderful day. Nothing happens 99% of the time. And that's all right. And if you stutter or whatever, laugh it off. It's not easy in the beginning. For no one. The point is for you to lose your anxiety. That's why you have to keep doing it. It's like football I guess. If someone is afraid of the ball but yet wants to play you somehow have to accustom him to the ball. He'll have to catch a hundred throws. The first 10 will be horrible, but then slowly he'll notice that in fact he does stand a chance. And by #50 he'll have improved his technique so far that he can start focusing on other players at the same time, etc. Just do it man. Girls can only reject you. They won't stab you. So freaking relax.
preraph Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 It's always hard for me to imagine this scenario of you being there at a party and no one talking to you because I guess most of the women I knew at your age would go talk to guys, even one who was off by himself. It didn't necessarily mean she had a crush but just being social and friendly. And I'm telling you, I wasn't with the very social crowd, and you are, so.... I think you have just got toask someone out. I don't like mingling, personally, but I am in good form as long as I have a "job" at a gathering. So you might try and see if that works for you. Volunteer to be the sober driver or to pass around chips, just anything to give you a reason for everyone to acknowledge you. Be the guy standing at the keg drawing beer. Once you have a reason to be talking, I think you'll find something to talk about.
Arieswoman Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 Well, fratestar, I am having a lot of trouble getting laid at college with an attitude like this ^^^^^ I'm not really surprised. If you start thinking about girls as real people, with feelings like yourself, and not as something to stick your d*** in you might do better. Brush up on your social skills. Join some interest groups/clubs and broaden your knowledge base - then you'll have something to chat to girls about. I am afraid that I will be a virgin for a long time ^^^ so what? A bet some of the guys on the team that come over all macho and smart might be in the same position but don't let on. Guys are notorious for telling tall stories. We have sunday practices and sometimes I go as late as possible to avoid listening to the guys talk about girls they ****ed the night before. /QUOTE] Do you really want to be like these guys ^^^ who seem to treat women like sperm receptacles? Really? What's so great about getting it on with the campus sluts? Good things are worth waiting for. Good luck.
Author fratestar Posted October 21, 2014 Author Posted October 21, 2014 I have no time for clubs. The longer I wait the harder it will get and the worse I will feel.
Standard-Fare Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 Let me encourage you to carpe diem. There will NEVER be another time in your life when you have the same degree of easy access to single women. There will also NEVER be another time in your life when you can introduce yourself as an athlete, which, yes, to a lot of girls, is going to be a turn-on. You have a natural advantage there. Simply put, you have to man up. Swallow down your fear of rejection and FORCE yourself to approach girls at these frat parties you're attending. Practice your small talk (and don't worry if it feels awkward -- everyone feels that way, not just you.) Ask girls questions about themselves. Make eye contact. Give out compliments. Joke around with them. Your time is now... don't let it slip away.
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