BF of 15 years wants to break up,I am so panicked,is there someone else??

[selena_cat]

Hello Everyone!

 

 

I used to be a regular on LS but now I am posting again. My Bf of 15 years wants to call it quits,I met him when he was in Graduate school in Louisiana,then we went from state to state,well I mostly followed him for his school,and career.

 

Where ever we went,I tried to build my life there with him. Now I am in my almost mid 40's,(he is three years younger than I am) I wanted a family,and more of a commitment after all these years. I spoke to him about this before and he always shied away from it. Last winter I tried to to him about having a child,he didnt want that either,and we had many arguments and disagreemen,where he says the most hurtful things that i wonder where did my real bf go?.

 

So now we moved to this 3rd place in Illinois where the last winter was real harsh,where we moved for his job. Every day since we got here he claims that he really hates his job,this place,the harsh winter there-(We moved from Hawaii)

But now the hatred of his life here in has extended to me,now he thinks I am the problem and wants to break up. His plans is quit his job and move out of this area and I go myway. We had many discussions,more like disagreements what turned into fights,where he keeps yelling its not working,you want a kid I dont. Well I have not mentioned having a kid anymore since he was against it but still wanted to be with him,even though he and I really didnt have an intimate relationship in years,so yes I settled for crumbs and now the crumbs are taken away. The thing is he is very important to me and I do love him enough to perhaps forego wanting a child,but its not enough he still wants to break up,says he doesnt want to be blamed later

Its as if he doesnt want to listen to reason at all,he didnt even want to celebrate our last anniversary at all,even though I asked can't we celebrate is as knowing each other? This man won't budge at all,little by little he is shutting me out of his life,recently he want to his sister's birthday gathering,and he didnt want me there.

It really hurts so I keep asking is there someone else? he denies and denies it even though he's on his computer every single night,even before way we moved here. Sometimes I see him smile at the computer but he claims he's not talking to anyone.

This really hurts,we live together,I don't have a job,just a small trust where I get some money a month but not alot. I am looking for work,I don't know whether I should stay in the area or go out of state? I am deeply hurt,

I do not recognize who this person I was with for 15 years at al;. I still think he has someone else in the wings though he adamantly denies it.

Please any advice,insight will surely be grateful. I feel all my identity went to taking care of him now he's taking care of himself and wants me out.

Edited October 20, 2014 by selena_cat

[d0nnivain]

I don't think there is someone else. I think he is trying to set you free to get what you want: a family because he is never going to give you that.

[BC1980]

The truth is that this man could never give you what you wanted. A family. You aren't the first person who has stayed with someone and settled. I'm assuming by more commitment, you mean marriage? He was never going to marry you if it's been 15 years. He told you he didn't want a family, and people usually don't change.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this, but it's a blessing in the end. He was never the one for you.

[BC1980]

I've looked at your other threads. Is this the first time you two have broken up?

[stillafool]

I'm curious why you two haven't married after 15 years? I think if a woman or man wants marriage it is foolish to invest more than 2 years with a person.

[selena_cat]

BC1980

 

This is the first time we broke up,I did fall hard for someone online which was a mistake but very brief-this was a period of time when he,my bf was very distant from me. He is very introverted,only livens up when he's talking to friends.

so yes this is the first time we actually broke up

 

Yes Still a Fool,thats why i feel like a Fool,we were both in school

so I thought after we finished there may be a chance to marry,obviously not