Author babybear Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by fundamental Maybe you are part of the problem? Have you ever told him what works for you? If you haven't and now you tell him he flat out sucks, he is probably going to hold a grudge against you. He might put in less effort now because he might be afraid tha he can't do anyting to please you. A lot of guys dont have thick skin and can't take a woman breaking his ego. Instead of telling him he sucked, you should have got him in bed one night and tell him things you want him to do to you...the way you want it done. I don't see how you could go wrong with this approach. The thing that went wrong with this approach, is that he simply does not have the patience to work at it until he gets it right. If we work on me before he comes, then he gets frustrated that I am taking so long...and if we work on me afterwards, he is sleepy (sex coma!) and wants to sleep. Babybear
alphamale Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Considering you're almost 40 years old, divorced and single, I'm not sure how your strategy is working well for you. well the fact that i've slept with 40+ women is an indicator of success for me. and i'm not even 40 yet! woo hoo. party on!
Author babybear Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Is he not comfortable with his own body? Has he had a lot of partners in the past? Has he had a lot of GFs? I'm guessing no - but you know, my exH had only slept with one girl before me and he was great in bed. IMO it's instincts, you either have rhythm and can dance, or you are a big clumsy dork. Is he a dorky guy? Does he treat you well and with consideration otherwise? I know how it feels to f*ck a guy who is bad in bed - unfortunately I usually avoid future encounters with them!!! He's had quite a few partners in the past actually. I don't think his skill or technique is that bad...but I don't get off through intercourse alone, and I think he is confused by that. He's not a dorky guy, and he's great otherwise. But somehow he doesnt seem to understand that sex (and being satisfied by HIM) is so important to me! I have a ton of toys (he bought me them) and that was his quick fix...to let me go take care of myself. But he is not my only partner (the only partner I have ever had, I mean), and I know I CAN be pleased....so then it goes back to him not trying hard enough. Babybear
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by babybear He's had quite a few partners in the past actually. I don't think his skill or technique is that bad...but I don't get off through intercourse alone, and I think he is confused by that. He's not a dorky guy, and he's great otherwise. But somehow he doesnt seem to understand that sex (and being satisfied by HIM) is so important to me! I have a ton of toys (he bought me them) and that was his quick fix...to let me go take care of myself. But he is not my only partner (the only partner I have ever had, I mean), and I know I CAN be pleased....so then it goes back to him not trying hard enough. Babybear Well to be honest with you, he doesn't sound like a super great boyfriend to begin with. He sounds really selfish. Like who gets bored of sex with their partner??
Author babybear Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie Okay- I have a couple of questions/comments. Are you talking about orgasm through intercourse? Only 30 percent of women can achieve orgasm like this- without clitoral stimulation. If you're concerned about this my next question is- have you ever had a orgasm through intercourse? If you have and you have never had a problem before perhaps he should work on his technique. I've had several lovers but only one who could get me off like this. I usually have to have manual stimulation or oral sex. Is he unwilling to put in the time? He sounds pretty selfish- "You take a really long time." WHATEVER. I read in a book- how long should it take- the answer was- until she has a orgasm. You said you could bring yourself to orgasm? The next time you guys have sex and he rolls over unconcerned about your satisfaction start masturbating. Be really LOUD about it. If he asks you WTF? Say, you never please me so I'm pleasing myself. That may change his mind about learning to please you! Hi Ms. Pixie - First of all, I never orgasm through intercourse. It feels good - but it never does it for me, so I dont think its his technique. Yea, the "really long time" blew me over the top too. Like, WTF? I can totally bring myself to orgasm in like 2 seconds, adn so could most all my previous partners. And - I do please myself after we're done..but it's so annoying to do it alone cause he rolls over and sleeps right after he's done! Babybear
alphamale Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by babybear I have a ton of toys (he bought me them) and that was his quick fix...to let me go take care of myself. But he is not my only partner (the only partner I have ever had, I mean), and I know I CAN be pleased....so then it goes back to him not trying hard enough. well BABYBEAR, my philosophy is that each partner is responsible for their own orgasm and sexual fullfillment (with aide from the partner of course). but in the end and when the dust settles you need to do whatever it takes to get off during sex. hey, and if that entails finding another partner who fulfills your sexual desires then so be it.
Mz. Pixie Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Babybear- Buy him this book "She comes first" It's all about pleasing your woman with oral sex. I highly recommend it!
alphamale Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Like who gets bored of sex with their partner?? almost everyone over time
Author babybear Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter Well to be honest with you, he doesn't sound like a super great boyfriend to begin with. He sounds really selfish. Like who gets bored of sex with their partner?? That's exactly what I told him last night! I told him that sex is such an important part....and not that we have to do it 5 times a day - but that we BOTH have to be satisfied! It's not a one way street, and I told him he either works on stuff, or we just don't need to have sex...afterall I got the toys! He called me late last night and said he was really sorry, and that I should get ready for the best sex I've ever had, cause we're gonna make this better. So, that's a start! I feel like I kinda made this whole issue weird with him - like, I don't want him to be SO self conscious the whole time now! Babybear
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale almost everyone over time Duh, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the fact that he gets bored in like 5 minutes. That is some serious attention deficit.
Linlin Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Have him take care of you first. Think of your pleasure first and then move onto him or both of you.
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by babybear That's exactly what I told him last night! I told him that sex is such an important part....and not that we have to do it 5 times a day - but that we BOTH have to be satisfied! It's not a one way street, and I told him he either works on stuff, or we just don't need to have sex...afterall I got the toys! He called me late last night and said he was really sorry, and that I should get ready for the best sex I've ever had, cause we're gonna make this better. So, that's a start! I feel like I kinda made this whole issue weird with him - like, I don't want him to be SO self conscious the whole time now! Babybear Look, it's not like an every time thing - but you deserve to have some good sex occassionally. If you don't speak up you will be consigned to mediocre to crappy sex and eventually the relatinoship will end, so you're helping him out, here. Jeez, part of the point of tolerating a LTR is that you can at the very least have sex and orgasm occassionally.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter and eventually the relatinoship will end That's not always true, especially in your later years when sex isn't such a big deal. I think it's much more important when both partners are always fired up and ready to go.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Do you always have sex at night? I dont' know how convenient it would be, but why not try meeting for lunch at your place where YOU are the only thing on the menu. Or morning sex if he stays over.
blackendangel13 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Wow this is the exact same problem I am having. He only satifies me with oral sex and in the beggining he was all up for doing it. Many times he did me first. In the past month or so the number of times we have sex is declining and after he is done he goes straight to bed and leaves me to fend for myself. I can do it myself but I don't get the same pleasure out of it. The sex itself with him is great, I just do not get off that way. It has become very frustrating to me and I have voiced it and he just gets angry thinking that I am saying he is bad in bed. I don't think its too much to ask that your man put forth a little you time. That or maybe I was just spoiled because my ex ALWAYS did me after. I am just getting sick or arguing about something that he knows how to do in less than 2 minutes.
Mr Spock Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by KoolKat Is that true that women are responsible for their own orgasm when they are with another man? Do I have to use my own finger to get myself off instead of my boyfriend? He almost never touches me down there and that's the only way I can get off or else if he is inside me he stops before I want him to to get off. I feel like the only woman being screwed over while get screwed. WRONG, WRONG. I would never, ever stick with a dude that didn't want to touch me in the way that I liked. Sheesh. Once you find someone who's attentive in bed you'll never go back. Yes, there is something to be said for showing a man what turns you ON but you shouldn't have to instruct him in "yes, that is a clitoris"
Mr Spock Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam That's not always true, especially in your later years when sex isn't such a big deal. I think it's much more important when both partners are always fired up and ready to go. What, you mean when you've let yourselves go because you're 70? Or when you've rolled over and died. At least in your later years you can look BACK on your extremely satisfying exciting sex life together. Just as there are those who say the emotional connection is much more important there are those that say if the sex isn't there the emotional connection don't mean poopy.
Author babybear Posted March 12, 2005 Author Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by KoolKat Is that true that women are responsible for their own orgasm when they are with another man? Do I have to use my own finger to get myself off instead of my boyfriend? He almost never touches me down there and that's the only way I can get off or else if he is inside me he stops before I want him to to get off. I feel like the only woman being screwed over while get screwed. Ugh...I KNOW what you mean!!! Sometimes I don't even want to have sex cause I know I'll just be even more angry AFTER!!! Babybear
alphamale Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by babybear Ugh...I KNOW what you mean!!! Sometimes I don't even want to have sex cause I know I'll just be even more angry AFTER!!! Babybear well BABYBEAR, then you are with the wrong guy!
Fun2BMe Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 so why is it that some men refuse to get their gf off, after she's expressed her feelings, told him what to do and all that cr**?
Mr Spock Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Ladies, you may be responsible for CONCENTRATING on your own orgasm but that doesn't mean he shouldn't try to find a way to get you off, even if it's using a vibrator on you.... I mean how lazy is that?
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 women do need to be treated with dignity and respect sometimes, and other times they need to be treated like shyt. that is the formula I use and it works quite well. I'm kinda curious Alpha...HOW do you treat your women like s***? Examples like??? You are mean to them, ignore them, don't call them back, rude to them, cold shoulder .... What? I don't know exactly what your definition is. so why is it that some men refuse to get their gf off, after she's expressed her feelings, told him what to do and all that cr**? Fun2BMe, that is called "SELFISH in bed." Some men are, some men aren't.
blind_otter Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup I'm kinda curious Alpha...HOW do you treat your women like s***? Examples like??? You are mean to them, ignore them, don't call them back, rude to them, cold shoulder .... What? I don't know exactly what your definition is. One of my male friends is like this. A total a**h*** 50% of the time, and a nice, caring, sensitive guy 50% of the time. He listens to me whine on the phone, and then like 20 minutes into the conversation he will just be a total jerk and say something really like....OUCH, or a**h***-ish. He says it's the formula for success. Granted the man is 24 years old and has yet to have a relationship that lasts longer than 9 months. huh.
Author babybear Posted March 14, 2005 Author Posted March 14, 2005 Uh oh, so I think maybe I was a little too blunt about this whole sex thing with my bf. We havent had sex since! We've both been kinda busy lately...but it's rare that we don't have sex on the weekend at least! Should I talk to him about it again? I don't think he's shy or embarrased...I thikn we're sort of past that...but maybe he's scared of not pleasing me? I probably shouldnt have let it build up and then explode! But really...like someone else had posted...all it takes is like holding a vibrator or something! BB
WithOrWithoutYou Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 I don't know. I think most guys really take pride in giving their GF/Wife/SO pleasure in bed. I know I do, and always have. It should be as important to him that you enjoy it, as it is to him that he enjoys it. Just my opinion. It could be that there is some part of him that is not really comfortable with doing things other than "regular sex" - (going down, using his hands, licking, etc. etc. etc.). Those things can be a LOT of fun, and can really spice things up if he is not doing that already. If he isn't, ask him to, and see what he says. Maybe I am different than most guys, but I enjoy the foreplay and afterplay, giving her pleasure, just as much as the sex itself.
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