babybear Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Alright, so this is my dilemma. I have a good good bf. He's a great guy...everywhere except the bedroom. I mean I don't think he's BAD at it...as much as he doesn't put a whole lotta effort into his gf. It always bugs me, but today I started yelling about it. Yea, I know...no man wants to hear they suck...but I know something is wrong when you NEVER EVER can get your own gf off. Today he's like, well, show me what you like. So, I'm trying, but he starts making jokes and being silly - and is basically totally disinterested. To me it reads that he doesnt care - as long as he's done. I cannot possibly be in the mood in that atmosphere, so I was like, look, just STOP it and go away! He was like, but you take a long time! Okay...it had been 5 minutes! I'm not as quick as a guy...I don't think most women are. I thought guys thrived on satisfying their gf's....not the case with mine! I'm soooooo frustrated by this. What can I do? Do ppl break up over this, btw? I'm not planning too....but it's PRETTY DAMN FRUSTRATING! Babybear
Xerxes1986 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 i don't have any experience but i would say to him "look...satisfy me or i will stop satisfying you"
alphamale Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 hmmmm....he must be a "nice guy" BABYBEAR. most bad boys know how to please women in bed. that is how we treat them like shyt and still keep 'em around. i've never had problem making women orgasm. yeah a couple here and there but 85% seemed ok with me in the sack.
koolkat Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 I've been with my bf for almost 4 years and he has never made me orgasm. We are in our late 30s. Sometimes I want to leave him because of it but everything else is perfect. He is the bad boy type but treats me like i am the center of the world in other ways. Sometimes I cry about this but he acts like it's my responsibility to make myself orgasm. I have no problem doing it when I'm alone but feel that he should do it for me when we are together. It is bothering me a lot and I don't know what to do about it because i miss the feeling of a man making me satisfied. As soon as he orgasms he rolls over and that's it even if i am still wanting more.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Babybear, I would suggest sitting him down for a serious talk about this. I know he is acting silly, but he has to care. Most men want to be able to satisfy their partner, and I'm sure deep down, he was hurt by being informed of his inadequacy. How could he enjoy intimacy if he's the only one satisfied? I suspect he may be covering up this concern by acting indifferent. I would discuss this when he is in a serious mood, but go easy on him. Being told you suck in bed can be damaging to a guy's psyche. Good luck. Spirits
Illusion24 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Maybe some seduction or putting on some sexy lingerie will spark up some fire in him...maybe he's a visual person and needs to see you first before he feels you I know exactly what you're feeling my ex sucked in bed I mean the only way I would finish is if he went down on me...never while "doing it"...I would always pretend something hurt to avoid the drama of acting like I enjoyed it... Having a partner who doesn't satisfy you in bed is pretty hard to overcome...eventually what's going to happen is you might have the urge to cheat or leave is a** but* naked on the bed and just leave his dumb a**... Theirs nothing like a man who makes you feel sexy and if he doesn't well maybe you're with the wrong guy
MsMree Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 porn? For you i mean - this can help w/the amount of time it takes you as well as your BF being able to close the deal in a shorter amount of time (until you two get comfortable w/one another - perhaps a temporary solution - perhaps not temporary ) Another thing - for me, reading porn works better than watching it - but that is good in a pinch, too.
fundamental Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by babybear Alright, so this is my dilemma. I have a good good bf. He's a great guy...everywhere except the bedroom. I mean I don't think he's BAD at it...as much as he doesn't put a whole lotta effort into his gf. It always bugs me, but today I started yelling about it. Yea, I know...no man wants to hear they suck...but I know something is wrong when you NEVER EVER can get your own gf off. Today he's like, well, show me what you like. So, I'm trying, but he starts making jokes and being silly - and is basically totally disinterested. To me it reads that he doesnt care - as long as he's done. I cannot possibly be in the mood in that atmosphere, so I was like, look, just STOP it and go away! He was like, but you take a long time! Okay...it had been 5 minutes! I'm not as quick as a guy...I don't think most women are. I thought guys thrived on satisfying their gf's....not the case with mine! I'm soooooo frustrated by this. What can I do? Do ppl break up over this, btw? I'm not planning too....but it's PRETTY DAMN FRUSTRATING! Babybear Maybe you are part of the problem? Have you ever told him what works for you? If you haven't and now you tell him he flat out sucks, he is probably going to hold a grudge against you. He might put in less effort now because he might be afraid tha he can't do anyting to please you. A lot of guys dont have thick skin and can't take a woman breaking his ego. Instead of telling him he sucked, you should have got him in bed one night and tell him things you want him to do to you...the way you want it done. I don't see how you could go wrong with this approach.
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Is he not comfortable with his own body? Has he had a lot of partners in the past? Has he had a lot of GFs? I'm guessing no - but you know, my exH had only slept with one girl before me and he was great in bed. IMO it's instincts, you either have rhythm and can dance, or you are a big clumsy dork. Is he a dorky guy? Does he treat you well and with consideration otherwise? I know how it feels to f*ck a guy who is bad in bed - unfortunately I usually avoid future encounters with them!!!
Mz. Pixie Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Okay- I have a couple of questions/comments. Are you talking about orgasm through intercourse? Only 30 percent of women can achieve orgasm like this- without clitoral stimulation. If you're concerned about this my next question is- have you ever had a orgasm through intercourse? If you have and you have never had a problem before perhaps he should work on his technique. I've had several lovers but only one who could get me off like this. I usually have to have manual stimulation or oral sex. Is he unwilling to put in the time? He sounds pretty selfish- "You take a really long time." WHATEVER. I read in a book- how long should it take- the answer was- until she has a orgasm. You said you could bring yourself to orgasm? The next time you guys have sex and he rolls over unconcerned about your satisfaction start masturbating. Be really LOUD about it. If he asks you WTF? Say, you never please me so I'm pleasing myself. That may change his mind about learning to please you!
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie You said you could bring yourself to orgasm? The next time you guys have sex and he rolls over unconcerned about your satisfaction start masturbating. Be really LOUD about it. If he asks you WTF? Say, you never please me so I'm pleasing myself. That may change his mind about learning to please you! :lmao: Oh my God my ex used to get so pissed. He even commented once on how annoying it was that he heard "BUZZZZZZZ" after we had sex sometimes, because I would be like, well you're done and I'm not so I'm getting myself off!!!!
Merin Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Hmmm... My guess is he isn't comfortable talking about sex... sometimes when ppl feel uncomfortable with something they will act silly or make jokes in an effort to avoid looking *dumb* or having to get into a discussion.
Pocky Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale most bad boys know how to please women in bed. that is how we treat them like shyt and still keep 'em around. And that's something to be proud of?
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky And that's something to be proud of? Exactly what I was thinking. I have known of men who take pride in treating women poorly. Whether the women accept it or not is not the point - men should treat women with dignity and respect.
HokeyReligions Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 YOU are responsible for YOUR OWN ORGASM. He is not. That needs to be understood. With that said, it takes two to make it great and two to make it terrible. You have to teach each other, and if the other doesn't want to learn then decide how important that is in the relationship and if its worth breaking up over. Some people don't care about their partner's feelings and don't want to learn what pleases them. You can't force them to change.
alphamale Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Exactly what I was thinking. I have known of men who take pride in treating women poorly. Whether the women accept it or not is not the point - men should treat women with dignity and respect. unfortunately, WHENSPIRITSROAM, with some women when a man starts to treat them with dignity and respect the women lose interest and split, after walking all over the man. women do need to be treated with dignity and respect sometimes, and other times they need to be treated like shyt. that is the formula I use and it works quite well.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale unfortunately, WHENSPIRITSROAM, with some women when a man starts to treat them with dignity and respect the women lose interest and split, after walking all over the man. women do need to be treated with dignity and respect sometimes, and other times they need to be treated like shyt. that is the formula I use and it works quite well. Raise of hands, gentleman - how many of you have knowingly treated your woman like this because you thought it would be beneficial to your relationship?
KoolKat Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Is that true that women are responsible for their own orgasm when they are with another man? Do I have to use my own finger to get myself off instead of my boyfriend? He almost never touches me down there and that's the only way I can get off or else if he is inside me he stops before I want him to to get off. I feel like the only woman being screwed over while get screwed.
Pocky Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale unfortunately, WHENSPIRITSROAM, with some women when a man starts to treat them with dignity and respect the women lose interest and split, after walking all over the man. women do need to be treated with dignity and respect sometimes, and other times they need to be treated like shyt. that is the formula I use and it works quite well. Considering you're almost 40 years old, divorced and single, I'm not sure how your strategy is working well for you.
WhereSpiritsRoam Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Considering you're almost 40 years old, divorced and single, I'm not sure how your strategy is working well for you. Nice! I like you, Pocky.
blind_otter Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Exactly what I was thinking. I have known of men who take pride in treating women poorly. Whether the women accept it or not is not the point - men should treat women with dignity and respect. Yeeeeeeeah. Like you.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 My new guy loves being down there for however long it takes (sometimes it's 2 hours and he can hold off at least that long). He firmly believes that a guy doesn't go off until he gets HER off first. My ExH always seemed to get annoyed and bored after an hour. Of course, my sighing and eye-rolling (out of frustration) werent helping haha. He sucked.
Author babybear Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Babybear, I would suggest sitting him down for a serious talk about this. I know he is acting silly, but he has to care. Most men want to be able to satisfy their partner, and I'm sure deep down, he was hurt by being informed of his inadequacy. How could he enjoy intimacy if he's the only one satisfied? I suspect he may be covering up this concern by acting indifferent. I would discuss this when he is in a serious mood, but go easy on him. Being told you suck in bed can be damaging to a guy's psyche. Good luck. Spirits I didn't tell him he sucked - but I was thinking it. What I said is that he always gets off, and that after that he doesnt care what happens. And I'm never done when he is. We've been together 3 yrs, which is why this is sooooo frustrating. It's like, if I married this guy, is this what the next 70 yrs would be like??? So, I asked him why he didnt care about getting me off, adn I showed him exactly what I like. But that's when he started goofing off. I mean, he's 25...he's not a kid! And I was telling him he was doing well, but he just didnt care!
Author babybear Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Maybe some seduction or putting on some sexy lingerie will spark up some fire in him...maybe he's a visual person and needs to see you first before he feels you We've tried this before...we've been together 3 yrs, so I have complained about this a lot of times. All it does is get him off even faster. I mean, if he REALLY cannot get me off, that would be okay, if I felt like he was putting in an honest effort. The fact that he gets tired and sleepy after he's done is what pisses me off. Babybear
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