Awkward Grace Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 My marriage has ended recently due to his infidelity that I just couldn't get past. We're on good terms as far as things go. My question is, is it frowned upon to accept dates so soon after a divorce? It's only been a few months but I feel like I'd be fine. I probably shouldn't worry about what others think however I do business and am somewhat known through it. I don't want to inadvertently harm the business or anyone else. I also don't want word to get out that I turn down every man that asks me out then eventually no one will if that is how dating works. Anyone else in been through something similar?
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 Some people may frown but unless they are your kids, ignore them. If they are your kids explain to them why you are at peace with your decision. 1
kjohn Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 My marriage also ended because of my exH's infidelity. I wound up meeting my current BF about 2 months before my divorce was finalized. We met at a football party at the home of mutual friends and he totally caught me off-guard by asking me for my phone number. I don't think quickly on my feet and it's even worse when I am caught off-guard. I gave him my phone number. When he left I asked my friend what I was going to do. She asked me why I was so concerned about it. I said "I can't date anyone! I'm not even legally divorced yet!!" She told me to get over it. There are no rules, except for the rules I was making up for myself. My ex had already moved on. He was living with his mistress, for crying out loud. I had never been in that position before and also worried about what people would think, but the more people I asked the more people told me not to give a damn about what anybody else thinks. They said "It's your life, do what makes you happy." So my advice to you is to do what makes you happy and to Hell with what anyone else thinks and don't overanalyze it too much. 4
Author Awkward Grace Posted October 20, 2014 Author Posted October 20, 2014 Thanks for the replies. I guess I just don't like hearing "oh my you're dating already? " I haven't yet but I've been asked and am considering ergo I'm asking a more general population. My kids are wonderful and fine with it so long the man is kind and cool. I guess we'll see what happens next. 1
StanMusial Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 Given the circumstances I imagine you will garner more sympathy than scorn. 1
No Limit Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 Just 'go with the flow'. If you feel you're comfortable with it, then off you go.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 One of my first goals after I caught my Ex cheating was to get back into the dating game as quickly as possible. For those who said I was still a married man until the divorce decree is granted, my reply was the marriage was over the instant she broke her wedding vows. About 2 months later I met and began dating someone special, she fell in love with me, and I was beginning to fall in love with her. This time I listened to my friends that it was too soon to get involved, that rebound relationships never work. Much to my regret I did break it off. A year later we again crossed paths, she still had not found anyone special and was up front saying she was still in love with me. But, I would be the last person on this earth she would date again. For me it would be another 14 years before I would once again fall in love. And then, for her it was a rebound relationship, as she had just broke up with her live in lover of 4 years. We have now been together for 19 years and one week 1
Author Awkward Grace Posted October 21, 2014 Author Posted October 21, 2014 Well, accepted one of the offers. He has been pressing in a way. Aloof yet often present, cool and suave I guess. And yes very handsome. I don't know if I should accept the other offer and schedule it for the following weekend. Or would that just be obnoxious?
salparadise Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 Most of us who've been divorced awhile realize, with the benefit of hindsight, that it took about two years to equilibrate and become genuinely available for a new relationship. Dating early is a way to assuage the pain and loneliness, but it can undermine the grieving-healing process. This has been debated at length on this site, so if you do some searching you will find the arguments on both sides. Most of us who are a few years out would not be interested in anyone who is this fresh. I don't think you should decide based on what it will look like to others, but I do think you should be aware of the personal and relational dynamics involved, and make your decision based on a long-term goal of healing completely and eventually having successful relationships. Going out socially is one thing, but starting a serious relationship a couple of months off the divorce is quite another. Wishing you the best, however you decide to conduct your life. 1
Author Awkward Grace Posted October 21, 2014 Author Posted October 21, 2014 Thank you for directing me to past threads. I will do that. I know I'm not ready for serious but after all the yuck of what the Infidelity did to me and the kids, we're all ready for lighter times. I know my story probably isn't much different from anyone else's save the physical attempt on my life by the exOW. It was really scary. So, I am just trying to move on and try to get to the enjoying part.
Art_Critic Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 I think any time after the divorce is fine to start dating, however.. there are many people who told me no when I asked them out as I hadn't been divorced long enough.. Some people even said that they wouldn't date a person until that person had been divorced a year.. and after going thru it I can understand why they felt that way. Even though I wanted to date and was ready to date and indeed did date I wasn't ready for anything for months as I was still adjusting to no longer being married, and my emotions were changing quite a bit till I worked thru it all... I remarried many years after my divorce and had many relationships in between.. Just get out there and date... if someone won't date you because you are freshly divorced then move on past them to someone else.. keep learning about yourself in the process and one day you will settle back down. 1
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