liswil Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Here's another question I have after reading some threads on here. I read something about cops being a high cheating risk. I once dated a former cop who was at the time in another position in law enforcement, but not as a cop---it was an office job. He cheated on me. My question is: Is there something about the type of person that becomes a cop that makes them a cheater or is it just the job itself---meaning if you take away the cop job, they'd be less likely to cheat?
Beth Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Different professions offer different opportunities to cheat. Someone who travels and/or has a lot of interaction with a lot of people has more opportunity. Take them out of that environment and the number of people they could cheat with drops. Unless they are actively looking to cheat, they are far less likely to find someone who will initiate cheating with them.
Merin Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 My EXH is a cop... I don't know if you can consider what he did cheating... he wanted an *Open Marriage* While I don't believe that all cops cheat... I do belive that IF a certain type of person is put into a situation where there is temptation, time and not a lot of chance of being caught.. then yeah.. they will do it.
whichwayisup Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Different professions offer different opportunities to cheat. I agree. Doctors, Cops, Firefighters, Hockey players, baseball players etc...OH Actors/Actresses. Can't forget them! Opportunity, being apart from the spouse for too long, not connecting, feeling lonely etc. This can go both ways. The men cheat (various reasons why ofcourse) because the opportunity is there...Just something that can be done cuz it can be done. Women alone at home, with or without kids get lonely and bored. I am doing alot of generalizing here, I'm sure each situation is different for each person IN that senario. All comes down to what you know going into the marriagae/relationship and accepting it. What to expect, how to keep the marriage going. Ofcourse people will grow apart if time isn't being spent together. That is a definate. BUT, both people have to want to make it work, put in the effort and realize looking outside of the marriage is a no-no. If one can't do this while having a profession mentioned above then they should NOT be involved in a marriage or a committed relationship. I am kinda curious lis, all the questions that you are asking. Is it leading to something or are you just plain curious to know the answers to these questions. Not meaning this in a bad way, I really am wondering that's all.
billybadass36 Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 I know this is wrong, but all the younger cops I know are racist, elitist, misogynistic, napoleonic little men that are "has been" high school athletes that strut around thinking they're god's gift to the planet. One of them is in the process of fighting my cousin's divorce from him. He's a ****bum, and I hope I get the chance to fight him. Dude was stealing her underwear, stalking her and all her friends, placing illegal wiretaps, etc. The list goes on, but he and several other 30-something cops I know are all clones.
alphamale Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by liswil Is there something about the type of person that becomes a cop that makes them a cheater or is it just the job itself---meaning if you take away the cop job, they'd be less likely to cheat? Cops tend to be masculine control freaks that are attractive to many women. You don't see too many "nice guys" who go into law enforcement. Even though they may not make too much money, they have a lot of qualities that appeal to women. I have met some women that only date cops. So cops for some reason have a lot of women interested in them and therefore it makes it easier for them to treat women badly and also easier to cheat. Many cops are notorious for beating and assaulting women and being alcoholics and dealing in other illegal activiteis just cause many times they can get away with it and are not prosecuted.
Author liswil Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 I am kinda curious lis, all the questions that you are asking. Is it leading to something or are you just plain curious to know the answers to these questions. Not meaning this in a bad way, I really am wondering that's all. Nope, it's not leading up to anything. I just like to analyze too much I guess. I do this on other subjects as well. The good thing about is (I guess) is that I've become pretty knowledgeable on many subjects. (in othe words, I'm just a nerd )
Author liswil Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by billybadass36 I know this is wrong, but all the younger cops I know are racist, elitist, misogynistic, napoleonic little men that are "has been" high school athletes that strut around thinking they're god's gift to the planet. One of them is in the process of fighting my cousin's divorce from him. He's a ****bum, and I hope I get the chance to fight him. Dude was stealing her underwear, stalking her and all her friends, placing illegal wiretaps, etc. The list goes on, but he and several other 30-something cops I know are all clones. That's kinda what I was wondering. I have a feeling that a certain personality type goes in the cop profession.
Author liswil Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Cops tend to be masculine control freaks that are attractive to many women. You don't see too many "nice guys" who go into law enforcement. Even though they may not make too much money, they have a lot of qualities that appeal to women. I have met some women that only date cops. So cops for some reason have a lot of women interested in them and therefore it makes it easier for them to treat women badly and also easier to cheat. Many cops are notorious for beating and assaulting women and being alcoholics and dealing in other illegal activiteis just cause many times they can get away with it and are not prosecuted. That's pretty interesting. I wonder though if they are notorious for beating and assaulting women because they can get away with it or because of some facet of their personality.
Naive Posted March 11, 2005 Posted March 11, 2005 I think a person will cheat when they are cheaters regardless of what their occupation is!!!
Author liswil Posted March 11, 2005 Author Posted March 11, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ I think a person will cheat when they are cheaters regardless of what their occupation is!!! I guess what I was trying to get at here was are there certain traits in a guy who goes into that profession that tend to make them more likely to be cheaters?
alphamale Posted March 12, 2005 Posted March 12, 2005 Originally posted by liswil That's pretty interesting. I wonder though if they are notorious for beating and assaulting women because they can get away with it or because of some facet of their personality. It is both LISWIL.
Author liswil Posted March 12, 2005 Author Posted March 12, 2005 I guess I wanted to know what it is about their personality type that makes them more likely to do that.
jnel921 Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Originally posted by liswil Here's another question I have after reading some threads on here. I read something about cops being a high cheating risk. I once dated a former cop who was at the time in another position in law enforcement, but not as a cop---it was an office job. He cheated on me. My question is: Is there something about the type of person that becomes a cop that makes them a cheater or is it just the job itself---meaning if you take away the cop job, they'd be less likely to cheat? First off let me start by saying my husband is a cop. Is he a cheat? From what I know in his past he was. Not when he started this job but long ago during his first marriage. He and his ex-wife were in the military. He was in 10 years and he got out then she went in. She was away for 2 years in Korea and this is when the cheating occurred. I truly beleive that cheating is a result of a discrepancy in a relationship. If there is an opportunity to carry it out then it will happen. Cops get this reputation because of their hours...They have perfect opportunities. My husband works nights....So if he wanted to cheat he's in a perfect position. He could take off from work and I'd never know. Do I beleive he would do that to me? No....We have a good relationship and I am always welcome to visit him on post. He's taken the kids to his precinct and had them in his locker room...So my kids can attest to the amounts of pics he has of me on his locker. Do I beleive all cops are not cheaters??? No...Because there are cops out there who let the uniform get to their heads. There are women who are attracted to that for some reason. I've seen the ugliest cops get women....why??? Who knows. As long as there are women out there willing to stroke their egos and anything else that may need some stroking they may just let it. My ex Husband was a plumber! He cheated on me!..... It's all about your relationship and opportunity. When you need you take....just how life is...no matter what proffesion.
Owl Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 OK, gonna throw some thoughts in here, but I want to preface it that this in no ways justfies cheating! Look at all the professions listed here...cops, doctors, lawyers, firefighters, etc... I'm going to add another one on here...military men. I know how high the divorce rate is in the military due to cheating...I served for 15 years. Now look at these professions again...and think about what kind of person these jobs require. Someone who is self-driven, self-sufficient, used to making his own decisions. Normally intelligent people with a high drive. And...they're consistently working in high-stress, fast paced occupations that tend to consume a majority of their attention. When they work, they work hard. When they play, they play hard. So what you have are people who are used to making their own decisions, taking risks, and focusing on the moment who are also in situations where they're constantly away from home a lot, and working in an environment that is stressful as heck. No wonder cheating is so common in these occupations. With that said...I was a soldier for 15 years. I had more chance to cheat on my wife than you could count...lived in other countries, seperated due to work for months at a time...and I NEVER did. Tempted...of course. But...it's a choice to give in to it. There still remains no excuse for cheating.
whichwayisup Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 With that said...I was a soldier for 15 years. I had more chance to cheat on my wife than you could count...lived in other countries, seperated due to work for months at a time...and I NEVER did. Tempted...of course. But...it's a choice to give in to it. There still remains no excuse for cheating. Exactly. It still comes down to CHOICE...And the choice is always there. NOONE holds a gun to one's head saying CHEAT! Say no and masterbate! (sorry, had to put some humour in there, cuz it seems today some need it! )
Author liswil Posted March 15, 2005 Author Posted March 15, 2005 Originally posted by Owl Now look at these professions again...and think about what kind of person these jobs require. Someone who is self-driven, self-sufficient, used to making his own decisions. Normally intelligent people with a high drive. And...they're consistently working in high-stress, fast paced occupations that tend to consume a majority of their attention. When they work, they work hard. When they play, they play hard. So what you have are people who are used to making their own decisions, taking risks, and focusing on the moment who are also in situations where they're constantly away from home a lot, and working in an environment that is stressful as heck. No wonder cheating is so common in these occupations. That was a great post---that's the type of analysis of it I was looking for. Thanks! And yes, I also agree with the last part about the person making the choice or not.
Rene Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 One route to cop infidelity might go like this: Men have a need to be able to be the provider, the hero, the one who makes things right – I have heard a few men say after a break up he couldn’t make his SO happy, nothing he did was right. If a man feels he is not making his wife happy and hes not perfect in her eyes may take away some of the essence of who he is. Maybe a ‘macho’ profession like being a cop means that this need to be a ‘man’ is more prevalent in men who become cops – a more ‘alphamale’ (not looking at anyone in particular…). The trait might be exaggerated by the possibility that many women will see the cop in this light, as an action hero, and treat him as such, flattering his need to be the alphamale – making him more likely to succumb to cheating if this need isnt being met by his SO at home, who’s more concerned with the day to day realities of being married – like staying up all night with the baby, or being fed up he works such long hours etc. If a woman hits on a married cop, I wonder if its more likely she’ll use a ‘youre so brave’ seduction technique on him? I am sure there’s a hundred circumstances hat lead cops up the wrong path, but I bet he above is one typical version.
OtherWoman Posted March 15, 2005 Posted March 15, 2005 This has been an interesting topic. I worked at a Police Department and ended up having an affair with one of the cops. I would say that many of the cops there cheated and if I had to put a number to it, I would say at least 50 percent that I knew of. I was not with this man because he was a cop, but it was for who he was -- an incredible man. An ironic twist to all of this is that his wife is a lawyer who cheated on her first husband with -- gasp -- a cop on her desk at the DAs office. The cop she was with is not the one she ended up marrying. I lot of cops and other professions as well such as attorneys, are often made up of narcissists, but I do not want to stereotype here. Not all cops or attorneys are narcissists, but they probably have some narcissistic tendancies.
Author liswil Posted March 17, 2005 Author Posted March 17, 2005 Originally posted by OtherWoman I lot of cops and other professions as well such as attorneys, are often made up of narcissists, but I do not want to stereotype here. Not all cops or attorneys are narcissists, but they probably have some narcissistic tendancies. That's really interesting. Why do you say they're narcissists? I'm not disagreeing with you at all---I just never thought of them that way before. Also what about narcissists make them more likely to be cheaters?
SleepingLover Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 nar·cis·sism (närs-szm) also nar·cism (-szm) n. Excessive love or admiration of oneself. See Synonyms at conceit. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem. With that, I can see why many may be cheaters. They think mostly of themselves and their own needs and concerns with a lack of empathy for anyone whom may be caught in the middle.
Author liswil Posted March 17, 2005 Author Posted March 17, 2005 I know what narcissism is and why a narscissist might be a cheater but I didn't understand why cops, attorneys, etc.. were more likely narcissists.
SleepingLover Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 Heheh I know too many attorney's and have a family full of cops and some friends whom are cops. Have a few rich prudes in the family too. Many tend to be narcississtic save two (a friend cop of mine and another friend whom used to be the city's police chief). They tend to be narcississtic because some of them feel they are above everyone else. The have extremely large egos. My former brother-in-law, who is independently wealthy from his car dealership, looks down on anyone whom can't match his annual earnings as losers and nobodies. He belittled his wife so often about her nose that she felt she had to go get a nose job to please him. He had no empathy towards her feelings whatsoever. On top of that, he would further talk openly (with his wife present) that if a blonde bimbo with huge breasts came his way, he would take "it on" without hesitation. Again, there was no thought as to how his wife felt about that statement. He simply thinks of himself and nobody else. His wife is a wonderful person and beautiful woman. His treatment of her makes me sad for her. Frankly, I pity him. He's the real loser, he just can't see it.
Author liswil Posted March 17, 2005 Author Posted March 17, 2005 Originally posted by SleepingLover Heheh I know too many attorney's and have a family full of cops and some friends whom are cops. Have a few rich prudes in the family too. Many tend to be narcississtic save two (a friend cop of mine and another friend whom used to be the city's police chief). They tend to be narcississtic because some of them feel they are above everyone else. The have extremely large egos. That's the kind of stuff I was wondering. I never knew that about those occupations but that makes perfect sense!
Author liswil Posted March 17, 2005 Author Posted March 17, 2005 Originally posted by Rene The trait might be exaggerated by the possibility that many women will see the cop in this light, as an action hero, and treat him as such, flattering his need to be the alphamale – making him more likely to succumb to cheating if this need isnt being met by his SO at home, who’s more concerned with the day to day realities of being married – like staying up all night with the baby, or being fed up he works such long hours etc. That sounds pretty on target too. I guess I never thought what personality type becomes a cop but what you said sounds pretty accurate.
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