WhisperingEyeLFC Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Hi again guys, This post is basically a follow on from my last post the other day, its just something I should of included in it. I just wanted to know how people "mainly guys" keep a Text conversation going with a girl everyday/most of the day without it becoming really pointless & mundane? Normally its not something i have an issue with as girls normally start the convos aswell so it's 50/50ish, but if you've read my last post, in this particular case the girl i was seeing/now trying to start things back up with again wants me to be the one starting all the convos etc. And from some past comments i know some guys have experienced the same thing where the girl they're talking to is quite traditional in the sense they want to be chased etc. Even though everything was perfect in person, This issue is what pretty much messed things up for me first time round with her so i really don't want to fall in to the same sort of thing again. It would great to get views from the girls on this as well and what they expect/What you blokes say to keep the convos interesting so it gets to a point where the convo just flows naturally over text. Cheers! 1
preraph Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 If you put everything in text messages, you are going to have absolutely nothing to talk about once you're face to face. That's why I don't believe in texting just to be texting but to reserve texting for when it's needed, like meeting someone in front of a restaurant or just to let them know you got home okay. 3
d0nnivain Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 The idea of a text conversation is an oxymoron. You keep things fresh by actually speaking -- using your voice & ears. Texts are for things like Good morning. I'm running late. Please buy milk. 4
Author WhisperingEyeLFC Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 I totally agree with you on that, which is why i didn't text that much (everyday) the first time around with her & have long winded convos. But where as we live across London from each other we didn't see each other as much as we'd liked due to schedules. So my lack on communication between dates was an issue for her. I guess all girls are different though. cheers! 1
GeneralJennyJenn Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Being the girl in a similar situation as yours where the guy I'm dating has not kept in contact much in between dates. I will say it hurt my feelings like he's not into me or not as much as I am into them. I don't think you should be using text for long conversations but as others have suggested; -to wish them a good (morning, day...) or sweet dreams etc -to confirm plans or on the day of (I'm standing near..or running late, trans delayed) -to let them know you're thinking of them or to tell them how much you enjoyed previous time spent together -to joke with or flirt with. I myself occasionally send funny e cards or meme -you can also follow up on topics you've discussed with additional comments like, "remember the other day when we were talking about X, Y & Z. I think...." -to commiserate with or relate to shared experiences like "boy, I'm so tired, had so much fun with you last night but today, yikes I look like a raccoon. How are you doing on your end?" I think it's also okay to text every other day rather than daily. It takes away the pressure of having to come up with things to text about. Good luck :-) 1
Author WhisperingEyeLFC Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 Thanks for getting back, it's nice to get advice from people in similar situations. Well depending on how things go when i text her tonight i will definitely be incorporating these bits of advice in future, especially "to wish them a good (morning, day...) or sweet dreams etc" & "to let them know you're thinking of them or to tell them how much you enjoyed previous time spent together". Just simple stuff i should of done before. Thanks for the advice, i appreciate it! 1
mammasita Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 My BF and I text every day....some days not as often naturally because we might be busier at work but we always have something to go back and forth about be it a stupid joke, a funny happening at work, what we want to do "this weekend", funny pictures.....etc. 2
GravityMan Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 1) What d0nnivain said. 2) Not every conversation needs to be "interesting" or "exciting". Some conversations are just meant to fill time...whether it's text, phone or face-to-face. You may be overthinking this and putting too much pressure on yourself. Conversations tend to flow better when you don't try too hard. Stop worrying so much about keeping your conversations interesting all the time and just talk to her while still respecting yourself. 3) Perhaps you just haven't met the right woman yet. Conversation tends to be much easier with people we click well with. 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I dunno, I think either you find someone else interesting or you don't. If you're already planning what to talk about when it gets stale you're probably not a great match. I've never had a relationship that hasn't involved daily texting and it has never got boring for me, even if the texts aren't exactly exciting it's still great to hear from someone you care about. You're not there to entertain somebody and keep them excited via text. They're just a method of communicating. 2
Melan Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I would take advice from those above about good morning/night, how is your day, and reflecting on your dated ie. had a lovely time. These can keep you connected between dates :-) What really attracted me by my current boyfriend's texts is that he managed to tease and compliment me all in the same message! I loved them, and showed me he was very interested 2
IronZ Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I'm wondering why she wants you to start every conversation. Is this something she said to you specifically? I would honestly want someone who made an effort to talk to me instead of waiting for me to make all the moves. I just think it becomes tedious at that point it's like she's just waiting around for you to entertain her. That's not how good conversations are kept up. That being said, I've had this issue too. It comes with the territory of it being 2014. Things used to be so simple back in the day when texting didn't exist. You would see a girl and outside of that there would maybe be a phone call or two. You wouldn't need to worry about keeping up with her 24/7. I do find though that if I have good chemistry with the girl, conversations kind of lead themselves. It can start out slow like asking her what she's up to, how her day went, etc, but eventually it leads to interesting talks about things we're both into and future plans and so on. I recommend you have a good joke or two ready just in case things get stale. I like sending funny or cute pictures sometimes and those lead into conversations. 2
WhatIsLove2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I totally agree with you on that, which is why i didn't text that much (everyday) the first time around with her & have long winded convos. But where as we live across London from each other we didn't see each other as much as we'd liked due to schedules. So my lack on communication between dates was an issue for her. I guess all girls are different though. cheers! Yes, not being able to see each other and trying to not have text "conversations"...just reads as no interest (as you've seen throughout the board). I would suggest calling if yall don't mind it. Me and my guy have text conversations...we are odd though mostly talk about the random things that come to each other's mind. So our convos can go on forever. But just remember there is no pressure to talk all day everyday(unless she wants that...then that's another can of worms)...keep it simple and it won't be so hard to talk every day or every other day. 1
Author WhisperingEyeLFC Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 Yeah well back on our second date when we were dating she mentioned that she never hears from me during the week apart from once or twice and that she wonders what i'm up to. I said well you can talk to me if you want to aswell, girls in the past start convos aswell, then she was like "oh well lucky you then".(that was all in a jokey way when we was speaking by the way, it wasn't like we was having a go at each other) that pretty much gave me the jist she wanted me to start them and a couple of week later before they ended she said she wanted to be chased & that shes quite traditional etc. She surprisingly texted me after 5weeks of no contact literally as i was about to contact her. So i'm kinda trying to give this another go with her because i really wanna be with her. This is the link to my last post to give ya a little more of an insight: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/497959-why-did-she-text-me-first-then-not-reply-what-s-point I texted her tonight and it's been our first proper convo since she ended it and so far so good! anyways thanks for getting back & thanks for your advice!
IronZ Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 You know, it's one thing for a girl to want to be chased, and a totally different thing for her to wait around 5 weeks before finally making an effort. Like I said, a good relationship is one where you both show interest. There's a give and a take. I would NEVER want to be in a relationship where I had to always make all the moves or else I wouldn't hear from her ever again. That's too much and it becomes a chore to keep up. Think about it. How could she wait around 5 weeks before finally texting you? 5 weeks!!! She literally sat back and waited for you to make a move for 5 weeks. What kind of BS mind game is that? It seems really juvenile to me. I would have moved on already within those 5 weeks.
Author WhisperingEyeLFC Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 Yeah i get what you're saying and it's been doing my head in. When we was together like on dates it was completely different but over text it just goes to absolute crap! Like i just contacted her now and had a catch up convo since it'be been 5 weeks and it was going well, we was talking about a band we like then i asked her if she liked the new album and said so an so was my new favorite song off it. Then i get no response, just like it used to be where she'd stop replying halfway through a convo. Just feels like what i'm talking about is lame & it's up to me to ask the questions so the convo continues. Guess this is too one sided. I just don't get how things can be so different over text to what they were in person.
chimpanA-2-chimpanZ Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Guess this is too one sided. I just don't get how things can be so different over text to what they were in person. Because texting (and emailing, and Gchatting, and so on) is a limited form of communication. You can't see the other person's expressions and body language; you can't hear the tone of their voice. It's just words. Words, no matter how beautiful, can't recreate what it's like to communicate face-to-face. This is why so many people think they've met their soul mate after a few OLD messages, only to meet in person and realize they don't even like each other. There is no need to text every day if you don't have anything to say. My boyfriend and I save texting for plan-stuff ("I'm at the metro"), silly observations and jokes, and the occasional dirty talk. We save actual conversations for emails and in person. However, if you have an idea for a conversation, it might help you to bring it up via text to discuss later. For example sometimes I'll send my boyfriend an article and say "I'd love to hear your thoughts", or he'll text me an idea he had while watching the news. That way you have time to think over it before you meet and then you can have a genuinely good discussion. 1
Author WhisperingEyeLFC Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 It sounds like you & your boyfriend have got a good system going on there and i agree with you that the proper conversations should be saved for when in person and that's how i saw it before but the longer you don't see someone the harder it becomes to keep enough contact inbetween. Because you obviously have to contact each other enough inbetween to merit another date. It's just even more difficult in my situation now where i'm not dating her anymore and contacts only just stated again. so 'ive pretty much got to start all over, but i guess all girls are different so....
IronZ Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 Yeah i get what you're saying and it's been doing my head in. When we was together like on dates it was completely different but over text it just goes to absolute crap! Like i just contacted her now and had a catch up convo since it'be been 5 weeks and it was going well, we was talking about a band we like then i asked her if she liked the new album and said so an so was my new favorite song off it. Then i get no response, just like it used to be where she'd stop replying halfway through a convo. Just feels like what i'm talking about is lame & it's up to me to ask the questions so the convo continues. Guess this is too one sided. I just don't get how things can be so different over text to what they were in person. So stop texting her and ask to see her in person. You can tell a lot more about someone's intentions in person than through a text message. 1
Recommended Posts