preraph Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 He came from violence, and he's going to be violent. He will hurt you. I don't think you should stay with someone who you know will hurt you, especially with your child. You don't want your child to end up that way. The insults are nasty, but it's his actions I'm most worried about. His sexual stuff, I'm riding the fence about, but from what you said, it too sounds like it's a way of dealing with his violence, all stemming from childhood. I think he has a lot of work he needs to do on himself. You really don't need anyone around making racial comments about you or your child either. I'm not saying this guy is all bad or that you can't rationalize why he is how he is -- but that doesn't change the fact he's like that and even with a lot of professional help and him being dedicated to work on himself, it would be years and years before he would be safe to you and others. To me, there's no point having a relationship at all unless that relationship enhances your enjoyment of life and other ways. You'd be better off alone than this. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 Counseling would be a GREAT Idea! You have to figure out why you dated this man at all.
FitChick Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 Wanna bet they are living together now? Just reread the title of this thread. Nitpicking would be "He leaves the toilet seat up" not "He slapped me while drunk and spat in my face." I'm betting she grew up without a father in the home, just like her kid will. The cycle continues.
spiderowl Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 (edited) Where do I start? If you can't see that these 'red flags' are genuine, huge red flags, then I worry for you. The guy is abusive. He physically forces you, he bites you, he spits on you, he verbally insults you, and he has odd sexuality issues to boot. I hope you can get out of this relationship and I hope you do. As someone who knows a friend who is trapped in a physically abusive relationship and who is a shadow of her former self and living in a bizarre state of denial, I can see that these abusive people demoralise and degrade so that the victim loses confidence and they gain total control. Get out now while you can! Edited October 22, 2014 by spiderowl
eye of the storm Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 I don't know how old your child is, but depending on their age, you need to prep them. It is really not hard to find someone if you really want. Tell your child you were dating someone and they may try to come over or contact you both. That the man may come over and then rehearse what to do in that situation. Who to call, where to go, where to meet, which neighbors they should run to. Ect. You also need to talk to one or several neighbors and make them aware of what is going on. They need to know so they are prepared to call the police or let you in if you are banging on their door. Notice I haven't mentioned his sexual kink...it is a non issue to this. You got involved with a violent abuser. You have a child. You must get away from this man now. I would block his number now, block him on FB (not delete, block) If he shows up at your home or work tell him to leave. Do not listen to him, tell him it is not working out and you no longer wish to date him. Inform him if he doesn't leave or comes back you will call the police. It would be nice if he gets counseling, but just like everyone else I agree it is not your problem. If he threatens suicide, call the police and inform them, they can do a welfare check. Still NOT your problem. Your child and your health is your ONLY concern. You might want to get some IC yourself. Im worried that you are trying so hard to overlook the faults in a man who abuses, confines, and rapes you. You stated you self sabotage and nit-pick. I would be more concerned that you are not picky enough. Good luck and if you need ideas on how to protect yourself and to keep him away. Just ask. Please for you and your child, get away. 1
Author leslie2 Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 Wanna bet they are living together now? Just reread the title of this thread. Nitpicking would be "He leaves the toilet seat up" not "He slapped me while drunk and spat in my face." I'm betting she grew up without a father in the home, just like her kid will. The cycle continues. Umm, nope. Not living together; like I said, he doesn't even know where I live. And again, nope. My parents are happily married. Wrong again.
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