Author ECGuy Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 Yes. 'Ignorance is bliss' is the perfect way to describe it. That's good. I have had what you describe happen to me as I was still dating her and it really sucked. And for me, the chances that a woman will be into me initially are not great, so I play it as such. If a woman blurts out on her own, "God, I thought you were a hot piece of meat and wanted to ride you the first time I saw you." Great, but I'm not going to find out on my own. Damn that's a fear of mine, that scenario is what made me decide to only want to date women who find me initially attractive on some level. Did you continue dating her? Or did you break it off? I probably would've broken it off.
xxoo Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 You can't take the opinion of one female and paint every other female with that brush. For me, this is most certainly NOT ridiculous. I don't want to waste my time on guys I don't feel passion for. That's stupid. Yes, we can't be painted with the same brush. For example, I agree that I wouldn't waste my time on dating someone I didn't feel passion for. But my passion isn't primarily tied to looks, so it circles back to what creates the passion in an individual, and why looks are held up as a superior source of passion over other characteristics.
Author ECGuy Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 You can't take the opinion of one female and paint every other female with that brush. For me, this is most certainly NOT ridiculous. I don't want to waste my time on guys I don't feel passion for. That's stupid. I'd love for you to tell her that. I used to say exactly what you're telling me to her but she'd just retort with: "Trust me I'm a woman, I know how women think" She just tells me that only selecting women that finds me initially attractive is shutting me out from potentially knowing women that could fall for you through personality and give you a great long-lasting relationship.
KatZee Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Yes, we can't be painted with the same brush. For example, I agree that I wouldn't waste my time on dating someone I didn't feel passion for. But my passion isn't primarily tied to looks, so it circles back to what creates the passion in an individual, and why looks are held up as a superior source of passion over other characteristics. Attraction is subjective from person to person. I know I've been SO attracted to men that weren't societies conventional definition of "attractive" but I was very into them physically. I need at least a little spark of attraction from the very first instant. That little spark can turn into a huge flame then based on other things, personality, behavior, etc. I can't however find someone completely undesirable and then find them so attractive. Doesn't work for me.
KatZee Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I'd love for you to tell her that. I used to say exactly what you're telling me to her but she'd just retort with: "Trust me I'm a woman, I know how women think" She just tells me that only selecting women that finds me initially attractive is shutting me out from potentially knowing women that could fall for you through personality and give you a great long-lasting relationship. Nope. Never settle. You WANT to be desired by a woman. You want a woman to look at you and you just feel that she wants to rip your clothes off. You don't want to be with a woman who thinks you're ugly, who thinks they're settling, who doesn't feel that hot passion for you.
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Damn that's a fear of mine, that scenario is what made me decide to only want to date women who find me initially attractive on some level. Did you continue dating her? Or did you break it off? I probably would've broken it off. I did, but we are not together anymore. The others, as far as I know might have felt the same way. There's no reason to mention it, because as you say, it might crush a guy. I'm not sure how a woman would react if I said "I didn't think you were cute at first, but your personality really won me over." but I'd imagine she wouldn't be doing cartwheels. So, I won't be saying it. 1
xxoo Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I can't however find someone completely undesirable and then find them so attractive. Doesn't work for me. I can. At least, I can go from completely neutral to strong desire after a few interactions. And at that point, sure, I'll find them attractive--body, face, everything. But it didn't happen because of their looks. And I think that's what the OP wants: attraction to source from looks. 1
Woggle Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 No because there is no advantage whatsoever to being with a woman who doesn't find you attractive. There are literally no pluses to being the settle guy.
KatZee Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I'm sure I sound shallow, but I experienced this first hand. Years ago I dated a guy I felt zero attraction for. I had dated complete douches prior to him, and he was a nice guy so I decided to give him a shot. What followed was this: no passion, no sex life, no foreplay, no desire to touch, kiss, or even hold his hand. On his end: sadness, confusion. On my end: resentment and anger. This relationship did NOT end well.
KatZee Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I can. At least, I can go from completely neutral to strong desire after a few interactions. And at that point, sure, I'll find them attractive--body, face, everything. But it didn't happen because of their looks. And I think that's what the OP wants: attraction to source from looks. Neutral is different than "I find you completely unattractive physically."
Author ECGuy Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 Nope. Never settle. You WANT to be desired by a woman. You want a woman to look at you and you just feel that she wants to rip your clothes off. You don't want to be with a woman who thinks you're ugly, who thinks they're settling, who doesn't feel that hot passion for you. But but by that logic, should I date a woman who thinks I'm cute but not hot? I'm usually okay with that. A woman thinks I'm physically attractive but doesn't have that urge to rip my clothes off. Would you?
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 No because there is no advantage whatsoever to being with a woman who doesn't find you attractive. There are literally no pluses to being the settle guy. That's not what he's talking about. The woman I dated, after I got her into me, she wanted to totally rip my clothes off and was super passionate, but at first she wasn't attracted, or at least she said that was the case. The question is "Can you deal with that?" And my answer was "Ignorance is bliss!"
Woggle Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 That's not what he's talking about. The woman I dated, after I got her into me, she wanted to totally rip my clothes off and was super passionate, but at first she wasn't attracted, or at least she said so. The question is "Can you deal with that?" And my answer was "Ignorance is bliss!" That is sort of different. Attraction can grow if there is some of it to start with but it can't sprout from nothing but the minute she starts pulling back end it.
KatZee Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 But but by that logic, should I date a woman who thinks I'm cute but not hot? I'm usually okay with that. A woman thinks I'm physically attractive but doesn't have that urge to rip my clothes off. Would you? Cute is def a word that describes attraction. If a woman finds you cute, go with it and act like a confident male. She will want to rip your clothes off in no time. If you're cute and act super passive and beta, well...That's another story 1
GeneralJennyJenn Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I myself try to give any guy that I accept a date from at least 2 or 3 dates before I decide if I'm attracted to them physically and personality wise. This past summer I went on the dates with a guy who I wasn't attracted to but their personality was great. He treated me like a princess. But no matter how hard I tried to be attracted to him, it just wasn't happening. With my last long term relationship I was not attracted to him at first but by the third date I was. Same goes for the guy I'm dating now, I thought he was good looking but not sure if I really felt any chemistry but as we've continued to date I now find him sexy as hell. I think original because he's not that tall, 5"7 and I'm 5"6 I thought maybe he would prefer to date someone shorter and petite. I kind of feel big next to him as I'm used to being the smaller one of the two. I don't have a problem with his height. Clearly he doesn't seem to have a problem with mine now that we've gone out a few times. I think there's two ways to react to attraction -there's no way ever possible I'll be attracted to this person. You couldn't pay me to date them!! vs -hmm, they're not exactly what I tend to go for, but they don't look like they belong under a bridge like a troll. I think I'll give them a chance and see how it goes? If you find a girl in the latter, then I say try a 2-3 dates to see how it goes. Personalities do make someone who you find somewhat attractive even more so as time goes by.
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 That is sort of different. Attraction can grow if there is some of it to start with but it can't sprout from nothing but the minute she starts pulling back end it. That's more how guys think. Guys think women are "hot, cute, not bad, doable, etc." With a lot of women, either the guy is physically attractive off the bat or he ain't. And most average guys would not be attractive off the bat.
HereAndThenGone Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I can. At least, I can go from completely neutral to strong desire after a few interactions. And at that point, sure, I'll find them attractive--body, face, everything. But it didn't happen because of their looks. And I think that's what the OP wants: attraction to source from looks. Ya, same. My longterm high school boyfriend, when I first met him I didn't look twice. Then after all of us hanging out in a group over the course of the following 2-3 weeks I was head over heels for him. Totally broke my heart too. The bast*rd.
ThaWholigan Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I don't think I could date a girl who wasn't attracted to me physically either to be honest. But I think its not as simple as just being good looking though, people are different in what they find physically attractive and how they experience physical attraction. 1
xxoo Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Neutral is different than "I find you completely unattractive physically." Maybe it's semantics, but neutral to me means no sexual attraction. Add a confident high testosterone personality with a hefty dash of protectiveness, and the sexual attraction explodes pretty much regardless of looks for me.
Author ECGuy Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 Cute is def a word that describes attraction. If a woman finds you cute, go with it and act like a confident male. She will want to rip your clothes off in no time. If you're cute and act super passive and beta, well...That's another story But I've had female friends tell me they find this guy cute but they're not attracted to them and not their type. They're not lying to me or sugar-coating anything so that scenario doesn't make sense to me. To most guys, if a girl is cute, hot, kinda cute, we're attracted to her.
JuneJulySeptember Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 But I've had female friends tell me they find this guy cute but they're not attracted to them and not their type. They're not lying to me or sugar-coating anything so that scenario doesn't make sense to me. To most guys, if a girl is cute, hot, kinda cute, we're attracted to her. Yea, cute can mean cute like a pug or Ewok. But hot and good looking? SOLD!
xxoo Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 But I've had female friends tell me they find this guy cute but they're not attracted to them and not their type. They're not lying to me or sugar-coating anything so that scenario doesn't make sense to me. To most guys, if a girl is cute, hot, kinda cute, we're attracted to her. A cute guy I'm not attracted to means that I can see with my eyes that he is good looking, but he lacks the necessary personality traits that make me lust.
Author ECGuy Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 A cute guy I'm not attracted to means that I can see with my eyes that he is good looking, but he lacks the necessary personality traits that make me lust. Well the guy had a serious babyface -- I think it didn't really have to do with the lacking certain personality traits but more so the "he doesn't look masculine enough...too young looking"
quidproquo89 Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 I couldn't date someone who didn't find me attractive at first sight. Given how quite a lot of women have at some time got intimate with guys rather quickly, (ONS etc) it wouldn't sit right with me if my girlfriend needed an age to develop attraction towards me, whereas she had pounced on other guys right away. In my mind it would immediately put me below all those other guys, and who wants to feel inferior? luckily there is always somebody who will find you, me and the next person attractive. There is no mold. Everybody is attractive to somebody What a wonderful world ha ha 1
quidproquo89 Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 in the end a difference between a friend and a partner is that you are attracted to them physically. A partner is a friend you wana f**k lol. Sorry to be so crass lol. They have to have a great personality too but that goes back to my point. My friends have good personalities but I'm not dating them.
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