(Question for guys): physical attraction and dating.

[ECGuy]

Would you date someone who did not find you physically attractive but was attracted through your personality? Or someone who didn't think you were her physical type but she will give you a chance to win her over with your personality.

 

Chalk it up to my male ego, but I simply couldn't date someone who did not find me initially attractive or her type. One of my female friends says by doing that I limit myself from potentially meeting women who will grow to find me physically attractive through my personality. But for me, I simply can't take the fact that initially I was not her type knowing that had she met a guy that was her ideal and had a nice personality she would probably make it much easier for him to win her over than someone that wasn't her type to begin with.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Would you date someone who did not find you initially attractive and is attracted to you only through personality?

[KatZee]

Why is this just a male question? As a woman I would never date a man who didn't find me attractive and as a woman I never date a man I don't find attractive.

 

From my own personal experience, attraction doesn't grow from personality. I was with someone for about two years who I never found attractive. I kept waiting and hoping that one day I would find him attractive and it never happened.

 

Sure, personality can make someone MORE attractive...but there needs to be at least a LITTLE initial attraction to begin with. You can't find someone completely off-putting and then one day feel so hot for them.

 

This is what differentiates friendship from relationship.

[ECGuy]

Why is this just a male question? As a woman I would never date a man who didn't find me attractive and as a woman I never date a man I don't find attractive.

 

From my own personal experience, attraction doesn't grow from personality. I was with someone for about two years who I never found attractive. I kept waiting and hoping that one day I would find him attractive and it never happened.

 

Sure, personality can make someone MORE attractive...but there needs to be at least a LITTLE initial attraction to begin with. You can't find someone completely off-putting and then one day feel so hot for them.

 

This is what differentiates friendship from relationship.

 

 

That's what I used to say but my female friend tells me that is ridiculous. She tells me that physical attraction can come from getting to know someone after a period of time. Refusing to date someone who likes you because you're not her usual type or didn't find you initially attractive is wrong.

 

I took her word for it and thought maybe females were more complicated with physical attraction so I figured I'd ask guys.

[mr_dave]

I couldn't date someone who didn't find me attractive at first sight.

 

Given how quite a lot of women have at some time got intimate with guys rather quickly, (ONS etc) it wouldn't sit right with me if my girlfriend needed an age to develop attraction towards me, whereas she had pounced on other guys right away.

In my mind it would immediately put me below all those other guys, and who wants to feel inferior?

[ECGuy]

I couldn't date someone who didn't find me attractive at first sight.

 

Given how quite a lot of women have at some time got intimate with guys rather quickly, (ONS etc) it wouldn't sit right with me if my girlfriend needed an age to develop attraction towards me, whereas she had pounced on other guys right away.

In my mind it would immediately put me below all those other guys, and who wants to feel inferior?

 

So it's perfectly normal and not unrealistic to only choose to date someone who will find you somewhat to very attractive initially?

 

Do most men want their girlfriends to find them EXTREMELY initially attractive or somewhat is fine too?

[GemmaUK]

Female here and I have dated people who I wasn't hugely physically attracted to and for me that physical attraction became lesser the more I got to know them as I was initially attracted to their personality.

 

Their personality in the initial stages was not their true self though so attraction to their personalities also waned once I got to know them better.

I fully believe that this is where the nice guy finishes last comes from as to start with you think they are great guys yet after a while you become aware that they really are not so great/nice at all.

 

In reverse and if their personality was great and stayed that way then there is a possibility that a greater physical attraction could follow.

 

If a woman is repelled by you physically she won't date you so there will be 'some' things about you that she finds physically attractive right from the start if she does date you.

[mr_dave]

So it's perfectly normal and not unrealistic to only choose to date someone who will find you somewhat to very attractive initially?

 

Do most men want their girlfriends to find them EXTREMELY initially attractive or somewhat is fine too?

 

Well I can only offer my own point of view of course. I'm not the best looking guy, so I can't expect women to fall in love with me at first sight.

I wouldn't ask out a girl I wasn't attracted to, I would rather have a relationship develop out of mutual attraction with a girl who fancies me, rather than me trying to win someone over and convince her to give me a chance in spite of my (from her point of view) not so great looks.

[ECGuy]

Female here and I have dated people who I wasn't hugely physically attracted to and for me that physical attraction became lesser the more I got to know them as I was initially attracted to their personality.

 

Their personality in the initial stages was not their true self though so attraction to their personalities also waned once I got to know them better.

I fully believe that this is where the nice guy finishes last comes from as to start with you think they are great guys yet after a while you become aware that they really are not so great/nice at all.

 

In reverse and if their personality was great and stayed that way then there is a possibility that a greater physical attraction could follow.

 

If a woman is repelled by you physically she won't date you so there will be 'some' things about you that she finds physically attractive right from the start if she does date you.

 

 

Well for example, if a woman told me that based on looks alone, she would NOT date me but because she values personality just as much she might give me a chance if I was charming...I would not date her whatsoever. I don't believe making that kind of decision is close-minded do you?

[ECGuy]

Female here and I have dated people who I wasn't hugely physically attracted to and for me that physical attraction became lesser the more I got to know them as I was initially attracted to their personality.

 

Their personality in the initial stages was not their true self though so attraction to their personalities also waned once I got to know them better.

I fully believe that this is where the nice guy finishes last comes from as to start with you think they are great guys yet after a while you become aware that they really are not so great/nice at all.

 

In reverse and if their personality was great and stayed that way then there is a possibility that a greater physical attraction could follow.

 

If a woman is repelled by you physically she won't date you so there will be 'some' things about you that she finds physically attractive right from the start if she does date you.

 

 

Well for example, if a woman was to tell me that based on looks alone, she would not date me but because she values personality just as much as looks she would give me a chance; I would not date her whatsoever. That's not unrealistic and a close-minded decision right?

[Cristo]

I couldn't date someone who didn't find me attractive at first sight.

 

Given how quite a lot of women have at some time got intimate with guys rather quickly, (ONS etc) it wouldn't sit right with me if my girlfriend needed an age to develop attraction towards me, whereas she had pounced on other guys right away.

In my mind it would immediately put me below all those other guys, and who wants to feel inferior?

 

+1

 

This kind of guy is instantly placed in the provider role. There's a good chance that she will cheat too. Also, he will likely spend the entire relationship putting all of the work in, while she does nothing.

[JohnM]

I posted a very similar thread last week if you check in my profile, there's some good feedback in there.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I think it depends on the level of attractiveness they find you and how they build attraction and make connections to their partner.

 

If they find themselves completely not attracted to you physically, but are attracted to your personality or to you for other reasons, I don't think that's the best relationship material there. I think there has to be some attraction there, but for some people, looks count for very little in the big picture because that's not their priority in the long-term.

 

If they find you attractive enough for their desires and that attraction is even further enhanced after they get to know, then that can count for a lot and very well lead into a relationship. I think you are underestimating the impact of a connection that is deeper than the outside objective view. This is how most relationships are developed, chances are you're not the hottest thing your partner has ever seen or even the hottest person they've ever been with...but that's better left kept to yourself.

 

I think you feeling inferior for not being the "ideal" is a young guys way of looking at things, and you're still insecure over the fact that you might not be the hottest thing this woman has ever had...young guys often compete and feel jealous and insecure over other men, they want to be the "best"..but the reality is, what is far more likely is that you won't be the best at everything and it's actually about a lot more than how you look, you could impress women with way more other traits and qualities but you will be stuck on what's important to you and your own self-esteem.

 

So personally, I wouldn't even think to ask or even care about any of those details...If the woman is dating me then she's dating me, she always has the option to stay or leave. I could care less if I'm the hottest guy she's ever been with or not, or whether I've got the biggest penis in town or whether she's dated someone richer, who took her on vacations here or there, bought her this or that, who is taller or better looking, or whatever else it is...I'm not jealous or insecure about any of that, the only standards I try to live up to are my own, trying to live up to the standards of "society" or some particular woman's standard would be a joke for me, that's not my style...sure I want to be attractive to the opposite sex and I'll make efforts to do so, but I have confidence in who I am in the other traits and abilities I have and what I have to offer, and physically I take care of myself and do what I can with what I have but that's also for me and my own reflection of how I want to feel and look and be healthy, and that's worked well enough for me in my romantic life.

 

The sooner you get over this stupid stuff, the better you're going to be....you'll always be hung up on dumb crap like this creating problems out of nothing and issues for yourself when furthermore you don't even understand how women even work...so it's mostly just about you and how you feel for yourself which will cause you to put that weight on someone else's shoulders so that you can validate yourself.

[GemmaUK]

Well for example, if a woman was to tell me that based on looks alone, she would not date me but because she values personality just as much as looks she would give me a chance; I would not date her whatsoever. That's not unrealistic and a close-minded decision right?

 

The only flaw with this is that no one dates anyone based upon just looks alone.

He could be George Clooney but if he has the personality and social skills of a plant and I don't get on with him I won't date him.

[Cristo]

The only flaw with this is that no one dates anyone based upon just looks alone.

He could be George Clooney but if he has the personality and social skills of a plant and I don't get on with him I won't date him.

 

But if the guy has good-looks, a decent enough personality, and reasonable social skills (which is something that is reasonably common), he will be preferred over the worse looking brethren by all women.

 

Fact of life.

[GemmaUK]

But if the guy has good-looks, a decent enough personality, and reasonable social skills (which is something that is reasonably common), he will be preferred over the worse looking brethren by all women.

 

Fact of life.

 

Yes, same for women too.

 

The OP was talking looks alone though.

[CharlieFox]

Attractive is very subjective.

 

There have been some very attractive girls in my company that I didn't find attractive at all - much to the surprise of all the other people from these groups. They were actually thinking I am trolling or lying, but in fact, I really didn't find them all that attractive. Sure, they took care of themselves and paid much attention to their looks, but still...

 

And there have been girls who weren't as attractive, but just the way they were behaving, their manners and body language, the way they spoke... I immediately fall for these girls. It's really more about attitude in my opinion - just looks isn't enough. That's why we're mostly attracted to confidence, because even if a person doesn't look as good as all the others, he still stands out from the crowd by the way he behaves.

[Andy_K]

Would you date someone who did not find you physically attractive but was attracted through your personality? Or someone who didn't think you were her physical type but she will give you a chance to win her over with your personality.

 

No, I wouldn't. I require that a girl is attracted enough that she wants to rip my clothes off. Doesn't matter how long she holds off before doing so.... But she has to want to.

 

A great physical connection will guide a relationship through tough times, where she might otherwise lose all interest in you completely due to temporarily disliking some part of your personality.

 

The more cards you have, the better your chance of being able to play a winning hand.

[kaylan]

That's what I used to say but my female friend tells me that is ridiculous. She tells me that physical attraction can come from getting to know someone after a period of time. Refusing to date someone who likes you because you're not her usual type or didn't find you initially attractive is wrong.

 

I took her word for it and thought maybe females were more complicated with physical attraction so I figured I'd ask guys.

This is what some women like to tell guys.

 

But these same chicks are quick to bang a guy who gets her wet just by looking at him.

Would you date someone who did not find you physically attractive but was attracted through your personality? Or someone who didn't think you were her physical type but she will give you a chance to win her over with your personality.

 

Chalk it up to my male ego, but I simply couldn't date someone who did not find me initially attractive or her type. One of my female friends says by doing that I limit myself from potentially meeting women who will grow to find me physically attractive through my personality. But for me, I simply can't take the fact that initially I was not her type knowing that had she met a guy that was her ideal and had a nice personality she would probably make it much easier for him to win her over than someone that wasn't her type to begin with.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Would you date someone who did not find you initially attractive and is attracted to you only through personality?

I dont want to be settled for.

 

When youre in a relationship with a woman who truly craves you physically, youd never want any different.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Would you date someone who did not find you physically attractive but was attracted through your personality? Or someone who didn't think you were her physical type but she will give you a chance to win her over with your personality.

 

Chalk it up to my male ego, but I simply couldn't date someone who did not find me initially attractive or her type. One of my female friends says by doing that I limit myself from potentially meeting women who will grow to find me physically attractive through my personality. But for me, I simply can't take the fact that initially I was not her type knowing that had she met a guy that was her ideal and had a nice personality she would probably make it much easier for him to win her over than someone that wasn't her type to begin with.

 

What are your thoughts on this? Would you date someone who did not find you initially attractive and is attracted to you only through personality?

 

I really don't think I have a choice, and many other men don't have a choice.

 

There's a boatload of guys who no women are attracted to off the bat. No women find them hot, not even less attractive women. There's quite a few.

 

No woman has ever found me attractive off the bat. So, the answer is yes obviously.

 

I do understand why you and the others think you do.

[xxoo]

Would you date someone who did not find you physically attractive but was attracted through your personality? Or someone who didn't think you were her physical type but she will give you a chance to win her over with your personality.

 

What if she finds your personality incredibly sexy from the start, but you're not her physical type? If the lust is there, it's there. And ime, desire based on personality lasts longer (bodies change, personality doesn't).

[ECGuy]

I think it depends on the level of attractiveness they find you and how they build attraction and make connections to their partner.

 

If they find themselves completely not attracted to you physically, but are attracted to your personality or to you for other reasons, I don't think that's the best relationship material there. I think there has to be some attraction there, but for some people, looks count for very little in the big picture because that's not their priority in the long-term.

 

If they find you attractive enough for their desires and that attraction is even further enhanced after they get to know, then that can count for a lot and very well lead into a relationship. I think you are underestimating the impact of a connection that is deeper than the outside objective view. This is how most relationships are developed, chances are you're not the hottest thing your partner has ever seen or even the hottest person they've ever been with...but that's better left kept to yourself.

 

I think you feeling inferior for not being the "ideal" is a young guys way of looking at things, and you're still insecure over the fact that you might not be the hottest thing this woman has ever had...young guys often compete and feel jealous and insecure over other men, they want to be the "best"..but the reality is, what is far more likely is that you won't be the best at everything and it's actually about a lot more than how you look, you could impress women with way more other traits and qualities but you will be stuck on what's important to you and your own self-esteem.

 

So personally, I wouldn't even think to ask or even care about any of those details...If the woman is dating me then she's dating me, she always has the option to stay or leave. I could care less if I'm the hottest guy she's ever been with or not, or whether I've got the biggest penis in town or whether she's dated someone richer, who took her on vacations here or there, bought her this or that, who is taller or better looking, or whatever else it is...I'm not jealous or insecure about any of that, the only standards I try to live up to are my own, trying to live up to the standards of "society" or some particular woman's standard would be a joke for me, that's not my style...sure I want to be attractive to the opposite sex and I'll make efforts to do so, but I have confidence in who I am in the other traits and abilities I have and what I have to offer, and physically I take care of myself and do what I can with what I have but that's also for me and my own reflection of how I want to feel and look and be healthy, and that's worked well enough for me in my romantic life.

 

The sooner you get over this stupid stuff, the better you're going to be....you'll always be hung up on dumb crap like this creating problems out of nothing and issues for yourself when furthermore you don't even understand how women even work...so it's mostly just about you and how you feel for yourself which will cause you to put that weight on someone else's shoulders so that you can validate yourself.

 

 

I never said I have to be the hottest guy that she's ever dated, I just need to be physically attractive to her on some level. I just can't date someone who says I'm not her usual type.

 

There are women who find me physically attractive initially at some level and there are not. But there have been times where the ones that don't find me physically attractive initially would still give me a chance. But why take that chance if I know I'd have to jump through hoops to succeed with her where some guy that is her type that is nice could have her falling for him the first date. That is literally how online dating works too.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I never said I have to be the hottest guy that she's ever dated, I just need to be physically attractive to her on some level. I just can't date someone who says I'm not her usual type.

 

There are women who find me physically attractive initially at some level and there are not. But there have been times where the ones that don't find me physically attractive initially would still give me a chance. But why take that chance if I know I'd have to jump through hoops to succeed with her where some guy that is her type that is nice could have her falling for him the first date. That is literally how online dating works too.

 

Just to let you know how the 'other side' thinks, I don't even ask if a woman is physically attracted to me. Ever. I don't want to hear it. We'll be 88 years old with grandchildren and I won't ask.

 

I don't want to hear that she didn't think I was attractive and then 'warmed up to me'. You're correct. I just keep it up in the air and assume she is.

 

I don't need the validation, but I don't need the blow to my ego either.

[ECGuy]

Just to let you know how the 'other side' thinks, I don't even ask if a woman is physically attracted to me. Ever. I don't want to hear it. We'll be 88 years old with grandchildren and I won't ask.

 

I don't want to hear that she didn't think I was attractive and then 'warmed up to me'. You're correct. I just keep it up in the air and assume she is.

 

I don't need the validation, but I don't need the blow to my ego either.

 

 

I've noticed some guys just take the "ignorance is bliss" approach. Sometimes I think that's the best way to go about it. However, it would just suck if one day you found out your ex was telling some new guy that's her type, "yeah I've dated a guy that wasn't my type -- his name was (insert your name)"

[JuneJulySeptember]

I've noticed some guys just take the "ignorance is bliss" approach. Sometimes I think that's the best way to go about it. However, it would just suck if one day you found out your ex was telling some new guy that's her type, "yeah I've dated a guy that wasn't my type -- his name was (insert your name)"

 

Yes. 'Ignorance is bliss' is the perfect way to describe it. That's good.

 

I have had what you describe happen to me as I was still dating her and it really sucked.

 

And for me, the chances that a woman will be into me initially are not great, so I play it as such. If a woman blurts out on her own, "God, I thought you were a hot piece of meat and wanted to ride you the first time I saw you." Great, but I'm not going to find out on my own.

[KatZee]

That's what I used to say but my female friend tells me that is ridiculous. She tells me that physical attraction can come from getting to know someone after a period of time. Refusing to date someone who likes you because you're not her usual type or didn't find you initially attractive is wrong.

 

I took her word for it and thought maybe females were more complicated with physical attraction so I figured I'd ask guys.

 

You can't take the opinion of one female and paint every other female with that brush. For me, this is most certainly NOT ridiculous. I don't want to waste my time on guys I don't feel passion for. That's stupid.