daizy Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 (edited) Silly me thinking I can hook up with this guy and not like him. It was one of those things where I thought he was too different for me, and there was no way I'd fall for him, but nope, here I am. I thought I could do it because I briefly hooked up with someone in the summer and because we had no connection/chemistry it was really easy to let that one go. But seeing this guy each time I felt like the connection was growing and became more obvious. I feel it going both ways (but then again maybe he's just really good at this? he's had A LOT of experience with women). Last week I accepted in my head that this could be nothing more than a casual thing, but I made the mistake of spending all afternoon until the night with him today cuddling and having sex. He's big on cuddling which I usually don't initiate but I got hooked in. Whenever we end the night I always get weird vibes, I feel like this could be the last time we hang out? Like maybe THIS time he'll get bored for sure. So we usually kiss good bye because it feels weird not to, but today we didn't and I'm not sure if it's because he was smoking a cigarette and he knows I don't like cigarettes/the smell, so he thought I wouldn't want a kiss (I didn't really show any body movement to indicate I wanted one either) or that if that was his way of saying... this doesn't mean anything. Because he's always considerate of things I don't like doing and doesn't force me, so I can picture him just being nice and not wanting to breathe down cigar breath into my mouth but at the same time i don't know. It's just weird because we spent almost the whole day making out lol. So this made my "weird vibes" even WORSE, and this overwhelming feeling of sadness sunk in me that he could be just not into me like that and this could mean nothing because I'm super doubtful like that. I can't help but think too much about guys I like, it's not often but when it happens it hits me hard. It's also confusing to date and see a guy without a title. it's nerve wracking sometimes. I thought maybe meeting new guys would distract me but it only makes me want him more. How do I stop obsessing about this, and not work myself up over someone so soon? I know one option is to just not see him and avoid all this but I feel like that's just running from it because it's not what I truly want. Edited October 19, 2014 by daizy
FitChick Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 Since you know you get involved with a FWB you have nobody to blame but yourself. Just say NO. 1
Natsu21 Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 It's been my experience that the majority of women who want a casual FWB with a guy end up falling for him in the end. 1
carhill Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 Accidently fell for someone I was casually dating, how to get out?! Generally, such feelings become more transitory when reinforcement of them through sex ends and one meets a more attractive man. This presumes one chooses not to make a conscious decision to 'get out' but rather goes with the flow.
kitty2013 Posted October 20, 2014 Posted October 20, 2014 have you tried talking to him? He may be feeling scared? He could be taking a step back. Dont blame yourself! It takes two to tango. If it felt right at the time, dont regret it x
FitChick Posted October 21, 2014 Posted October 21, 2014 have you tried talking to him? He may be feeling scared? He could be taking a step back. Dont blame yourself! It takes two to tango. If it felt right at the time, dont regret it x Only a woman would think the man is scared: "He loves you so much he is overwhelmed with desire and can't think straight!" Stop reading trashy romance novels. If a man wants you he will make it clear. 1
Standard-Fare Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 You've already made the first step, which is recognizing that you can't handle a "casual" relationship with this guy. You can see it's getting unhealthy for you. Without laying out all your emotions, be honest with the guy. Don't be needy or desperate or demanding, but tell him you think you're developing feelings and you don't think the f*ck buddy thing is working for you anymore. You thought it would be fine, but turns out it isn't. Go into this conversation assuming that the relationship will come to an end. Present yourself as ready to shut the door, because the arrangement is no longer a good one for you. Do NOT walk into this conversation with hopes that he will suddenly reveal that, he, too, is falling for you and wants something more serious. And also don't expect (or try to manipulate him) into "begging" for you to stay. This conversation should not be a ploy to try to trap him. If he does have feelings for you, he will make that known. Maybe not during or immediately after this conversation, but eventually he will act if he doesn't want to lose you. And if he doesn't, you'll know you made the right decision by walking away and saving yourself.
Tayken Posted October 22, 2014 Posted October 22, 2014 @OP....it's easy. From personally experience, you incrementally withdraw yourself from the situation by cutting communication, avoid going over there, and turn down offer(s) for a meet. At no time should you have a relapse and go and stick your **** in it again. You've been there, and it hasn't changed from the last time. 1
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