mightycpa Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 But... but... but.... she and I are SPECIAL! 2
Chi townD Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Hey Organized, yes I've taken care of all of that as well. Today she tried calling me three times, but I didn't answer the phone. No voicemail from her, no text. Sticking to NC, because at this point I know I HAVE to - for my own sake. That small voice in the back of my head says "You should respond and explain", but I ignored it. If it continues or goes overboard, I'll shoot her a polite and brief text explaining that I need time alone to focus on other things. I know she's going to use that as a "You haven't changed. There's no way I'll get back with you." or try to guilt trip me. As hard as it'll be, I'll have to ignore that "hook" and keep at it. I'm so glad I found this forum and the wonderfully supportive people who are here. Just ignore EVERYTHING from her and don't respond. Everytime you think you need to, just remind yourself of that pic and status update, "it doesn't get any better than this!" And she wasn't talking about you!!
Boomshine Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 Hi all, I posted on here looking for advice for my particular breakup situation and then another topic on advice when my ex called me crying saying she missed me and that she still loved me and wanted to know if I loved her. I told you all that I would write back with how everything worked out. It didn't. Bargaining stage of grieving, my friend. You didn't let her grieving process finish. She's gotta be in acceptance for anything to truly work. It's taken me FOUR "reconciliations" with my ex to realize this phenomenon of bargaining, and how people can seemingly be in the middle of two different situations simultaneously. Now, there isn't a chance I fall for that crap again. I've set a very strict, clear stipulation on how we can be in each others' lives again (whether as friends or more), and I'm not accepting some sort of compromise like her telling me how much she wants to show me how she appreciates, respects, and loves me... Last time I did that, she did for about 8 days, and then I got a month of neglect. Found out about 5 stages of grieving, and realized what a fool I'd been. Good on you for figuring this out, and hopefully my post has given you even further insight so you can prevent yourself from potentially falling into this trap with her or any other woman ever again. Keep fighting the good fight, brother! Boom
Author Early Bird Posted October 7, 2014 Author Posted October 7, 2014 Ugh. She called three times yesterday. At midnight she texted me "hey" and then around 1 she called. It woke me up, and because I was dazed a bit I answered. I think she was trying to keep tabs on me or see if I was with another woman. Was the usual, "I'm confused, I don't know what I want, I'm scared". I told her to please not contact me unless it was about getting back together immediately. She started getting really upset but said she respected my wishes and we got off the phone. Gotta keep my head screwed on and strong.
Seeker12 Posted October 7, 2014 Posted October 7, 2014 the ex got in touch today in the morning, asking how im doing, this is like after 2 weeks after NC from my side, really out of the blue. i had a bit of a tremble for a minute or 2 but then carried on, havent replied yet. She knows i received the message, she followed up with an apology, apologising for hurting me and the unfortunate situation and asking for forgiveness, saying she didnt want to turn it into a massive conversation anyway. She said the reason for contacting me was some work she was going to send me, which i completely forgot about. She was asking if i have started my studies again, which i did from monday, not only that she asked if im still using my old email, even though she has access to my new one through the google play on her phone. Odd i thought, maybe shes stopped accessing my emails finally. Anyone help what should i do?
Author Early Bird Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 So tonight I got a text from my ex that said "Hey". Figuring she was just trying to keep tabs on me and to see if I was with anyone tonight I ignored it. Two hours later she texted back "Seriously?". So my question is should I text back something brief and polite later or ignore it completely and carry on?
BC1980 Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 So tonight I got a text from my ex that said "Hey". Figuring she was just trying to keep tabs on me and to see if I was with anyone tonight I ignored it. Two hours later she texted back "Seriously?". So my question is should I text back something brief and polite later or ignore it completely and carry on? Ignore it. There is no point in texting "Hey." That is basically putting a feeler out there to see if you will respond. Insulting. 3
BDL Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 If she dumped you, or cheated on you, never reply back ever. Walk away and never look back.
dumbass2 Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 So tonight I got a text from my ex that said "Hey". Figuring she was just trying to keep tabs on me and to see if I was with anyone tonight I ignored it. Two hours later she texted back "Seriously?". So my question is should I text back something brief and polite later or ignore it completely and carry on? There's nothing to reply back to. I'd ignore and stay NC. Block her if you feel you need to so you don't get crap like that. 1
Author Early Bird Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 Well, I broke up with her but a week later we talked about trying again. But she had started seeing someone and kept saying she was confused and didn't want to get hurt again. It's been a game of her going hot and cold all the time, so I told her it's best we don't talk for a while
me85 Posted October 19, 2014 Posted October 19, 2014 Since she's the dumpee her emotions are all over the place. If she said she's confused and you know she's seeing someone else then it's best to ignore her text for now. Or at most text her back tomorrow with "hey." Likely to piss her off but I mean, she's going hot and cold on you so she shouldn't expect you to be eager to talk to her.
Author Early Bird Posted October 19, 2014 Author Posted October 19, 2014 Thanks evryone. I knew the best thing to do was to not reply, but wanted some reassurance. You guys rock 1
Author Early Bird Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 Hi all! Last Saturday night my ex texted me "Hey", I ignored it, and two hours later "Seriously?" Ignored it too. After remembering that I absolutely need to stick to NC, I deleted them and kept on. Thing is, she continued to try and call and send vague texts for the next couple of days. Finally, I decided to send her this after it wouldn't stop. "Hey! Sorry, I've been extremely busy. Hope you're well. I think we should stick to the break in communication we agreed on a while back. Talking to me is only going to confuse you, and as much as I don't give a **** about dude (Her new guy) it's not fair to him. If I were seeing a girl, I wouldn't want her talking to an ex like that. Hope you understand and that everything's going well for you!" I wanted to keep it brief, polite, and to the point of us keeping NC. Was this a good move?
tikay00 Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Perfect. To the point, and sounds like you have your balls back. She's gonna be like 1
SoThatHappened Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 Was it a good one? I'll give it a C+ You did well to tell her that you don't want to communicate. I would have left out anything about the other guy. But, it's sent, it's done, no reason to dwell on it. Keep moving forward. 1
Author Early Bird Posted October 23, 2014 Author Posted October 23, 2014 Thanks, guys. Yeah, I'm not 100% healed, but I can definitely say I'm feeling much more like my old, confident self after I quit entertaining her "confusion" and went NC. 1
me85 Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 She's still going to contact you regardless. Best to block her. If you sincerely don't want to hear from her... 2
Simon Phoenix Posted October 23, 2014 Posted October 23, 2014 You would have been better off sending nothing at all and blocking her, but as far as texts go, that wasn't awful. You get a C- only because the max you could get from sending any sort of text is a C+. If you block now, you'll eventually get an A. 1
BC1980 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 She's still going to contact you regardless. Best to block her. If you sincerely don't want to hear from her... Right, I mean she will still send out a feeler in a few months. Most people want to push your boundaries to see how serious you are about keeping NC. So the fact that you answered her text showed her you were somewhat serious, but completely ignoring her would have been much more powerful. It you look around LS, there are threads quite often with someone asking if they can break NC, and, more often than not, they have agreed not to contact the other person months ago. 1
lauri Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 The strongest message you can send is silence. You're doing pretty well and its only a matter of time until you start to hit your stride again and move forward. Personally, I wouldn't have even responded to her but your message wasn't that bad. She is going to try to contact you a few more times..she wants you to wait around like a dog for her while she "figures herself out". You sir, are no dog and you're not waiting for anyone. 3
Chi townD Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 I agree with Lauri, your silence would have spoken volumes to her. You would have given her NOTHING to go on. She would have absolutely no idea where your head is at. 1
Author Early Bird Posted October 24, 2014 Author Posted October 24, 2014 Thanks, everyone. This situation brought me to these forums, and the advice and insight has been outstanding. You guys are amazing! I've also been hanging out with a great girl too. She's very relaxed and we have a great time. Though she knows the situation also so we're not rushing into anything. I know I've got to give it time as well. But I have to say, it's great hanging with someone who's very relaxed and go with the flow like me vs the ex who was 200 mp at all times.
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