Why did She text me first then not reply? What's the point?

[stillcold]

Thanks again for the advice man and the only real reason why i say i don't wanna pick up and call her asap is because the last time we did speak she told me she was seeing someone else, so me just randomly going "do you fancy going out for a drink this weekend" or something like that i think will be a bit weird.

 

Her response most likely will be something like "i told you i was seeing someone else & that we should be friends" or something along them lines. Then again guess i could somehow ask if shes still seeing anyone still. Oh and shes away on holiday next week so i doubt an arrangement will be made anytime soon.

 

Maybe this is just a lost cause and i'll get absolutely nowhere & maybe the above posters are right "She was merely seeking validation/attention from you & bait texting".None the less i've made contact now and i'm not someone to give up so i'll give it another shot. I do really appreciate your advice on this so thanks & i'll let ya know how it goes!

 

Cheers!

 

No problem bud. Look, you won't know what she really wants from you until you ask her out again. If you ask her out and she denies you then you have your answer in plain sight with no guessing involved. As of now, it's all guesswork from everyone including me as to how she really feels about you so you really need to ask her out again if you're romantically attracted to her or not do anything if you're seeking a platonic relationship. Make the move ASAP! Cheers

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Yeah i was thinking she's just not interested anymore but i thought that last when we was dating when things were like this and it turned out she was interested and now that she sort of reached out a couple of days ago i want to expand on that. Chemistry & connection was amazing in person i just don't know where it goes over text! It's on me to start everything so there's a bit of pressure to not keep coming across boring. I think i'll text her tomorrow saying "hows your day going" and try and expand on that. I've just got really nothing to go since it's been so long since i've seen her.

 

That's just made things even worse & confusing for you. You've literally done nothing to scare her away or wrong from what i can tell. I guess she may have had second thoughts about taking this further with you or for all you know she could have met someone else whether that would have been on tinder or out drinking with friends over the weekend. I would maybe leave it a couple of days so it give her time to reply to your last message and if she still doesn't respond send her a final text saying something along the lines off "Hey (her name), haven't heard from you in a while, i hope you're well! are we still on for that date this week?" obviously style it in your own way. If she doesn't respond after tat then unfortunately it looks like she decided to not pursue something with you which is a shame because she seemed really interested at first.

 

Good luck man, i hope she responds and you get that date!

[IronZ]

She actually hasn't been on Tinder since well before she stopped texting me. You can tell if you go to their profile when they last logged in. It's been over a week for her. I honestly don't think she met someone new.

 

The problem is that if she did get scared away or had second thoughts or met someone, she could have just told me hey sorry whatever whatever. It would've been the friendly thing to do. Cutting me off cold turkey is just childish. I thought so highly of her too. Why would she pull this kind of crap?

 

If I don't hear from her tonight at all I'm going to send her a final text tomorrow (since our date is supposed to be Wednesday) saying something like "Hey ----, we're still on for tomorrow right? I'm just making sure because I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope we can still grab that coffee." If she doesn't respond to that as well... well I guess it's all said and done isn't it. Which would be a real shame.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Cheers bro! And your right it is all guess work from everyone including myself at the moment, so it's time to get moving with this! Speak to ya soon man!

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

She actually hasn't been on Tinder since well before she stopped texting me. You can tell if you go to their profile when they last logged in. It's been over a week for her. I honestly don't think she met someone new.

 

The problem is that if she did get scared away or had second thoughts or met someone, she could have just told me hey sorry whatever whatever. It would've been the friendly thing to do. Cutting me off cold turkey is just childish. I thought so highly of her too. Why would she pull this kind of crap?

 

If I don't hear from her tonight at all I'm going to send her a final text tomorrow (since our date is supposed to be Wednesday) saying something like "Hey ----, we're still on for tomorrow right? I'm just making sure because I haven't heard from you in a while. I hope we can still grab that coffee." If she doesn't respond to that as well... well I guess it's all said and done isn't it. Which would be a real shame.

Yeah the mature thing to do on her part would of been to at least tell you how she feels about it and whether or not she wants to pursue things. I guess some girls are just like that unfortunately.

 

All you can do now is just say what you have planned to and leave it as that. what happens, happens! It might look bad at the moment but for all you know she could reply and still be up for the date. Girls can be weird like that.

 

Best of luck mate!

[IronZ]

Yeah the mature thing to do on her part would of been to at least tell you how she feels about it and whether or not she wants to pursue things. I guess some girls are just like that unfortunately.

 

All you can do now is just say what you have planned to and leave it as that. what happens, happens! It might look bad at the moment but for all you know she could reply and still be up for the date. Girls can be weird like that.

 

Best of luck mate!

 

I just sent her the message. I tried to come across casual and cool about it so she won't feel weird about replying. At this point it's out of my hands now. All I can do is hope she responds and has a good excuse because this was something really good that went to complete crap overnight. And I don't even know what I did to deserve that.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

I just sent her the message. I tried to come across casual and cool about it so she won't feel weird about replying. At this point it's out of my hands now. All I can do is hope she responds and has a good excuse because this was something really good that went to complete crap overnight. And I don't even know what I did to deserve that.

You didn't do anything apart from show her how interested you was in her. I hope she does respond to you but if she doesn't then you've got no other option but to get over her no matter how much it hurts which sucks major crap!

 

I text my girl today just saying "how's it going (her name), how's your day going?" still no reply but she's updated her snapchat story! so i guess i ain't getting a response there.

 

No matter how much you try to not let this stuff bother you it does, you can't help it. Makes you feel like crap, but i guess if they really wanted to talk they'd respond right?

Guess the only thing to do in both our cases is move on unfortunately.

[IronZ]

Tough break dude. Texting etiquette is really non-existant today. It's so rude to receive a message from someone and completely ignore it. I would understand if you're busy or whatever, but she went on snapchat and had time to mess around with that. She can't say a simple hello? Idk man, I think you need to cut her off and let her see you're not going to chase her anymore. Might spark some interest in her.

 

I still haven't received a message yet. I really can't think of any explanation other than she turned out to be a real jerk after all. I wonder what would happen if I called or texted her from a different number. Would she respond to that? I'm obviously not going to do that because that's really creepy. I'm just curious as to what's going on.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

I agree mate, I did only send the message 3 hours ago and from her snapchat story it looks like she's busy at some play/musical but that's still no excuse like you mentioned. And again i think you may be right, I didn't bother with her for 5weeks after we stopped dating before & then she got back in contact. I don't get why she'd get back in contact then respond to a convo i made the other day & morning, but now i get absolutely nothing! Makes no sense to me! Not sure if i should drop her a text in a couple of days again or not? just makes me even more conscious to what i would even say if she wont even reply to a simple "how's your day going". To me that's a nice thing guy's say to girls, right?

 

But anyway it is really weird how your girl just randomly stopped responding & it was literally out of nothing. Ha i trust that you wouldn't do that but i know how tempting that can be. The only think i would suggest for you now if things stay as they are is you leave it for for like 3weeks/month and send her text saying "hey, how have you been" or some crap like that and it may kick-start things off again. It might just give her some time to think things over in her head because for all you know anything could be going on with her at the moment.

 

If you feel there's a real connection there & it's something you really want like i do with my girl then i wouldn't give up entirely, just maybe give her time like i did first time around & like you suggest with me pretty much. She may contact you, she may not, it's just how it goes i guess.

[IronZ]

Give it a few days. If she still doesn't respond then don't send her another one. Just move on and maybe she'll eventually find time. I do think that if she does respond, you need to try and see her in person and ask her straight up why she's being so cold to you. Tell her you're willing to try with her but if she's going to play childish mind games and ignore you all the time then you have better things to do with your time. Girls need to be put on the spot with their attitudes otherwise they'll never change.

 

It really sucks how girls treat guys that actually want them so indifferently. It's not a sexy trait at all. You have no idea how many times I've read OKCupid profiles that say they want a gentleman and someone who can send "good morning beautiful" texts. And when they meet someone who would gladly be that guy, they give you the cold shoulder.

 

 

 

As for me, our date is supposed to be tomorrow at 5pm (it's 10pm currently here), and she still hasn't responded. I keep hoping there will be a message waiting for me on my phone tomorrow morning when I wake up, but I'm getting a bad feeling. I'm going to call her tomorrow a few hours before the date (from my number of course). If she picks up then I'll actually get to talk to her. If she doesn't pick up I'm going to send her one final goodbye message.

 

I'm not going to wait around 3 weeks for her to make up her mind. That's downright childish. I'm a great guy and I've shown her nothing but kindness. I have a lot to offer, so if she doesn't want to bother then I'm not going to chase after her like a lost puppy dog. She's not that special. She could be, but she would rather be a little child instead of a grown adult. Even if she wanted nothing to do with me the polite thing would have been to let me know so I stop wasting my time.

 

Hell, if anything the goodbye message might be a wake up call for her. She'll see that I'm not going to chase after her so she might actually feel an urge to stop acting like that. I've heard some women respond to indifference. Who knows. I'll let you know what happens tomorrow. Ugh.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Well on my part i have some good news in the sense that she was busy and she did contact me back. She seemed quite happy to hear from me aswell which surprised me. Telling me in depth about her day and even saying "i hope you a good day". Had a pretty good convo from that thankfully, so i'm gonna take thing's from there a day at a time & hopefully do things right this time. Still got a long way to go though, and i need to build a good consistent rapport this time around. But you're right mate, if thing's go back to randomly giving me the cold shoulder at times then obviously i'm going to have to take a serious look at things to see if it's ever going to go anywhere with her.

 

Well i really do hope she gets back to you before the date tomorrow. Giving her a call's a good idea if she doesn't get back to you and if it turns out she doesn't, send her that goodbye text. She's obviously going to see it so it might give her something to think about and make her question herself if whats she's doing to you is the right decision/the mature way to handle things.

 

When it comes to chasing! I can understand why the women do it to a certain extent, because they want to be wanted/pursued & they want to test how interested you are & how much you really want them, as there's a lot of blokes that are just looking for a quick bang then never contact them again which i think is disrespectful. But some women like you said tend to keep this front up even when they find a guy who actually is willing to give them the things they want, which can give a different impression off to that guy that she ain't interested. It becomes a massive misunderstanding & a lost opportunity for something that could have been great.

 

I read some of your post from your thread the other day & you mentioned you was pretty successful with women so don't let what she's done knock your confidence or put you down. I doubt it has anyway but i know how frustrating things like this can be and it does tend to bring you down in some way sometimes and make you doubt yourself.

 

Let me know how thing's turn out mate!

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

No problem bud. Look, you won't know what she really wants from you until you ask her out again. If you ask her out and she denies you then you have your answer in plain sight with no guessing involved. As of now, it's all guesswork from everyone including me as to how she really feels about you so you really need to ask her out again if you're romantically attracted to her or not do anything if you're seeking a platonic relationship. Make the move ASAP! Cheers

Hi again mate, sorry to keep bothering you with my situation but i just feel i need some advice & help on one last thing.

 

Since i last spoke to you - Me and that girl have a convo last night which went really well, i just asked her whats going on and how her day was and it just sort of went on from there. It wasn't a really long convo, only about 7 message on each side until she went to bed but she seemed quite happy to hear from me and she was contributing a lot which i didn't expect she would. I text her about midday today not to start a convo but just to sort of let her know i was thinking about her, just saying "hope (the thing she went to) went well, and that your having a good day" and she just replied "thanks, you too".

 

Obviously her replying to my texts is a good sign and we started to build a little bit of a rapport now but i just feel a couple things are lacking in the text convo before i can actually move on to actually giving her a call/arranging a date again, otherwise it'll just be pointless. I feel like there needs to be more banter like there was in our convo last night but i guess that just comes along with what you're actually talking about. The main thing is i feel i need to initiate some flirting in the convo so we get to that comfortable level again and i feel she's sort of waiting for that to sparks things off again. It'll just make things so much easier for me as well after that, then it'll just flow naturally back an forth. Thing is i don't know how i cant initiate the flirting without it sounding so out of place/random and stupid. I feel like i need an incentive from her, like her saying something that i can lead on with, with some flirting if that makes sense. I thought about randomly bringing up in a convo "I've missed speaking to you" but i'm not sure if that's a wise thing to do depending on what her response will be and the fact that convo's inbetween dates lacked before.

 

I know you can't really create a real connection over just text but i feel in my case that it's necessary to build at least something as it's been so long since we spoke. Then i can move on to calling her/ask her if she's seeing anyone/asking her out on a date, and of course as you know 5 weeks ago she told me she was "seeing someone else" so as far as i'm concerned that's still the case even though she did initiate contact back with me.

 

I apologies if this became a bit boring to read but i just feel this is one of the last couple of thing's holding me back here. I just don't know how i can go about any of this without it looking ridiculous. I feel so close to breaking through with something but it's just blocking me.

 

I just want to know what you think i should do here/if you have any idea's & advice on the situation/What you normally say when flirting with a woman over text etc?

 

I know this may come across a bit silly & i'm probably again over thinking this but i want to get things right this time and get her back!

 

Thanks again mate!

[IronZ]

^ I still think you should try and see that girl in person. I'm not sure what to make of this on and off texting habit of hers, but maybe her interest in you isn't completely gone. Next time you text her, invite her somewhere. Find something cool to do this weekend and ask her if she wants to go with you. While there, see how close you two get.

 

 

By the way I posted an update to my situation in another thread. I'd really appreciate it if you could take a look and give me some input.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Hey man,

 

Yeah that's my aim but like i mentioned before i can't just go out an randomly say "do you wanna go out here or there for drink" etc, and as far as i know she's seeing someone else from what she told me 5 weeks ago. I just feel i need to build abit more convo before asking them sort of questions again. Even though she initially agreed to a 3rd date it didn't happen because of my lack of effort so i think it's wise to actually prove i'm making an effort this time around. The on & off texting drives me mad and i also don't know what to make of it!

 

I had a read of your last post and first off i'm sorry things didn't turn out as you hoped they would. I noticed alot of people discussed the use off Tinder and other dating websites and they have a point where i guess Tinder is more casual than other's where as some girls & guys sort of just use it for the sake of it and thumbs up/down who they thinks hot or not like it's a game with no intention of anything actually happening. I know when i had tinder that's what i done to be honest, i didn't go with the intention to actually meet someone off it but thats just some people. Maybe in your case this girl was doing the same, she thought you was hot as well as you did with her, you matched, you spoke to her and gave her a **** loud of attention as i'm sure she did to you. I guess she didn't turn out to what she made her slef to be in that week you spoke alot.

 

Like i think i said to you before, she had time to think about things and she obviously felt guilty for what she done, so she responded to that text you sent her and apologized which is nice off her but you say she didnt respond to a text after that so i think she just needed to get rid of her guilty conscience.

 

I know you liked her, probably ore than you thought you did which makes things even harder and i feel your pain on that. When i didn't speak to my girl for 5 weeks it was killing me inside and made me so miserable/upset no matter how much i tried to move on and ignore it.

 

At the end of the day she shouldn't of agreed to meeting you in the first place if she was never ready for it. It's unfair on you because it seems like she may have led you on without really knowing the consequences of how it can make someone feel. And of course like you said in one of your post's "it's her loss" right!

[IronZ]

I don't think you should use the words "go out" or "date" at all. Just invite her somewhere. Make it casual. If something happens between you two, great! If she ends up having a boyfriend and saying something about it just act cool and say you were only inviting her to hang out, not to hit on her. Idk man I think if you take too much time beating around the bush it's going to put out the illusion like you're not really interested in it going anywhere. That's how I would feel about it anyway. Idk.

 

 

Thanks by the way. It's not even that she shouldn't have agreed to go out. It's fine if she had second thoughts. I could've backed off a little and given her some space and moved things slower. It's the fact that she handled it in such a sh*tty way. She knew even that she was wrong.

 

And then to add salt to the wound, she stopped replying again after I followed up with her. We could've ended things completely if she wanted to on a friendly basis. Instead she wants to continue acting in the same manner that she had just apologized for. Ridiculous! It really pissed me off when she did that. I want nothing more to do with her. It's sad really. You think you get to know someone and it turns out they're not all that nice after all.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Yeah i know what you're saying man but the only other issue is she's away for a week from Saturday & i'm busy for the rest of this week so i'm gonna have to wait out another week of just talking before i suggest anything. But yeah it is pointless beating around the bush & not something i like doing but i guess if i'm honest it just comes down to me being scared she's going to say she is seeing someone else still and me being rejected! But F*ck It! you only live once right!

 

Ah i totally get where you're coming from & to be honest she should be mature enough by now to know that this is not how to treat someone regardless of how little you know them. I think you know what the best thing for you to do now is, you pretty much just said it. Forget her, you don't need girls like that messing you about playing games, i'm not exactly one to talk here. But it is a shame some girls find the need to do this and not really give a sh*t! You know you won't have a problem finding another girl so just let it go bro!