Why She Went Cold and Ignores Me

[CalmandCarryOn]

BACKSTORY - UPDATE BELOW

Ex broke up with me. Struggling to stay positive and keep moving up.

 

Story: My girlfriend and I were talking for 9 months before deciding to take our relationship to the next level-dating. We're both in college-I'm a junior and she's a sophomore. We started dating in October and everything seemed grand. My girlfriend would be studying abroad in France the next semester, and we talked about how we would overcome/navigate through her being overseas and away in the Spring. I told her that I could wait before we went "official" until she returned from France to see where things were at-but she said would be able to handle it and felt ready to date now.

 

Everything seemed to go great-until France entered the picture. As the semester started to end and France came up more-I started getting weird vibes from her, but would brush them off thinking I was overreacting and wanted to respect her-especially knowing she would be studying abroad, I didn't want to put pressures on her. I did my very best to respect her and show selfless love. She even told me that besides her parents, I had shown her more respect than anyone else in her life. I spent Thanksgiving break with her and her family, and all seemed well. I poured much into her to make her feel special and comfortable, always making sure she didn't feel pressured or stressed. I wanted her to be able to her herself.

 

A week before we left school for Christmas break (this is the beginning of December) we were talking one night and she shared with me that she had "fears and doubts" She said that she worried about leaving for France and being away for so long, she worried about "us" and our "hearts", she didn't know when she would see me again, she was concerned about us being able to "see other people". Early in our relationship we had planned ways to communicate while she was away in France, but now she shared how she wasn't going to communicate as much as she had originally intended to because she wanted to "experience everything in France". The way she explained it was a little foggy, because I read it COMPLETELY WRONG. I thought that it was the end of the semester, she was tired and exhausted, and was emotional with everything hitting her (leaving for France, not seeing friends and family for a semester) and I tried my best to make her not be fearful and addressed any doubts that she had (i.e. how I WOULD see her as SOON as she returned). That night I texted her a bunch of things explaining anything she shared with me and to not be fearful of the future. She thanked me profusely and shared how great I was and how she felt much better after I tried to calm her fears. A couple days later I surprised her with her Christmas presents and in the middle of opening them she said "Now I feel bad". I was confused by this comment. We had a great date that night and then entered into finals. The last day on campus that semester was great-and she acted like everything was great between us.

 

I had to fly out to Arizona for Christmas break and brought my car up to her house later that weekend for her family to look over-as well as get dropped off/picked up from the airport. All seemed perfect. I would get to see her when I returned right before she left for France. When I arrived at her home that night, I received some cold vibes from her, and was feeling a little uneasy by the way she was actin around me (not very reciprocal, didn't seem very excited to see me). She took me to the airport and handed me a letter when she dropped me off. << This was my Christmas gift. The letter was 3 pages of things that she loved about me and what I did in our relationship. She addressed the letter "My dear" and said that she would "terribly" miss me when she was in France and couldn't wait to get back to catch up with me. She ended the letter with "In Love". Along with the letter, she included pictures of us together from the semester.

 

2 days after I arrived in Arizona-we were texting and she was coming across cold and like it was a hassle to talk to me. Circumstances led me to ask her what was wrong and she said that she "felt unsure about some things". I asked her if it was about us and she replied "Yes.".

 

The next morning she called me and said "I just don't think it's going to work out between us." I was crushed. Her reason for breaking up-she didn't feel like her "silly, crazy" side she had with her girl friends could come out around me. She said she struggled to bring it out. She said "It's not you, it's me-but we can still be friends". We talked on the phone almost an hour. She was very cold in her responses to me. She told me that I didn't do anything wrong, and to "not feel bad because it's not me.". After we broke up I fell into depression. I couldn't understand why in 11 months that was the FIRST time I had heard about her not being able to bring out her "silly" side around me-let alone why she never talked to me about it. I was confused why she put everything she did in the letter, as well as INCLUDE pictures of us together. She shared that she had planned to break up with me when she picked me up from the airport when I returned home-everything was planned and she had led me on like nothing was wrong.

 

I feel so hurt because I poured a lot to make her feel special, and was left like dirt. She broke up a week before Christmas. The rest of break we had NC, but then I had to return home and get my car from her home. It was a horrible day. Her mom drove their car and she was in the passengers seat when they picked me up. After 2.5 weeks of NC-I thought she would want to talk, but no. The ENTIRE drive from the airport to her house, she didn't say a SINGLE WORD to me. Completely ignored. Her mom tried to make some small talk to break the awkwardness, but it didn't help. When I got to her home, I thanked the mom, got my car and left to return to school. 5 minutes down the road back my phone died and I had a 2 hour drive back in bad weather (snow had fallen,very icy roads). I had to GO BACK to her home to charge my phone. It was awkward to say the least. I sat in her kitchen for ALMOST AN HOUR charging my phone, and she was in the kitchen-ignored me the whole time. The only thing she asked was if I "wanted a drink" and if I "had a lot to do when I got back to school". Other than that-straight silence and acting like i wasn't there. It felt like knives being stabbed in me. I can understand if I treated her like crap, was selfish, didn't respect her, but did none. I treated her like a princess and that's what was returned to me. Why would she do this, or act this way? The way she treated the breakup is insane because I know she's better than that. And the way she treated me is a shock - I never would take her to act this way.

 

It's been a month, I'm better-but I'm still struggling with missing her. I fell in love with this girl the past year, and it hurts to feel taken advantage of. Need advice on overcoming-it's hard when I pass her friends at school or certain places where we would spend time together-because I'm flooded with memories. I'm crushed.

 

 

UPDATED

 

Back in school now. It's the fifth week. Seeing my ex a few times - no contact still. Falling back into feelings of depression. How can I get back and move on?

[sadsoymilk]

I am so sorry about your situation. I am also a college student (sophomore) who got broken up with for no real reason unexpectedly, so I completely understand what you're going through. It sounds to me that she had to have recognized that you were great for her- however, you probably cared for her more than she did for you. That being said, the things about the "silly side" and experiencing France sounds like she was interested in testing the waters with other people- probably not as real relationships, but hookups or something of that sort. Unfortunately this means that she doesn't value what you had together, and that is so, so painful, especially since you did everything you could.

 

I am also trying to get through school while struggling with absolutely no contact. It is so hard, especially when depression takes hold. Often it feels like nothing can be done without being reminded of the ex and how much they are missed.. my advice is to realize that you did absolutely nothing wrong, and that this is entirely her fault. It sounds like she really missed out on an amazing guy, and she doesn't realize that yet. It might be too soon, but try to go out, have fun, and surround yourself with people who realize your worth. Every time you feel like contacting your ex, talk to a friend instead. I know this is easier said than done. I'm struggling with it, too. But things will get better, and you have so much love to give to someone who actually deserves it when the time is right. Keep your head up.

[CalmandCarryOn]

I am so sorry about your situation. I am also a college student (sophomore) who got broken up with for no real reason unexpectedly, so I completely understand what you're going through. It sounds to me that she had to have recognized that you were great for her- however, you probably cared for her more than she did for you. That being said, the things about the "silly side" and experiencing France sounds like she was interested in testing the waters with other people- probably not as real relationships, but hookups or something of that sort. Unfortunately this means that she doesn't value what you had together, and that is so, so painful, especially since you did everything you could.

 

I am also trying to get through school while struggling with absolutely no contact. It is so hard, especially when depression takes hold. Often it feels like nothing can be done without being reminded of the ex and how much they are missed.. my advice is to realize that you did absolutely nothing wrong, and that this is entirely her fault. It sounds like she really missed out on an amazing guy, and she doesn't realize that yet. It might be too soon, but try to go out, have fun, and surround yourself with people who realize your worth. Every time you feel like contacting your ex, talk to a friend instead. I know this is easier said than done. I'm struggling with it, too. But things will get better, and you have so much love to give to someone who actually deserves it when the time is right. Keep your head up.

 

I feel you man. Thanks for these words. They definitely help

[CalmandCarryOn]

I am so sorry about your situation. I am also a college student (sophomore) who got broken up with for no real reason unexpectedly, so I completely understand what you're going through. It sounds to me that she had to have recognized that you were great for her- however, you probably cared for her more than she did for you. That being said, the things about the "silly side" and experiencing France sounds like she was interested in testing the waters with other people- probably not as real relationships, but hookups or something of that sort. Unfortunately this means that she doesn't value what you had together, and that is so, so painful, especially since you did everything you could.

 

I am also trying to get through school while struggling with absolutely no contact. It is so hard, especially when depression takes hold. Often it feels like nothing can be done without being reminded of the ex and how much they are missed.. my advice is to realize that you did absolutely nothing wrong, and that this is entirely her fault. It sounds like she really missed out on an amazing guy, and she doesn't realize that yet. It might be too soon, but try to go out, have fun, and surround yourself with people who realize your worth. Every time you feel like contacting your ex, talk to a friend instead. I know this is easier said than done. I'm struggling with it, too. But things will get better, and you have so much love to give to someone who actually deserves it when the time is right. Keep your head up.

I just can't understand why everything went so cold so fast. And the ignoring like I never existed...

[sadsoymilk]

I just can't understand why everything went so cold so fast. And the ignoring like I never existed...

 

Trust me, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that my ex doesn't miss me at all, not even a little bit, and is probably already with someone else while I'm all torn up about it.. even though it sounds awful, it was probably something that your ex was thinking about doing for a long while, and she just didn't tell you. Which is definitely not the right way to handle things, because for you, it just came out of nowhere.

 

Unfortunately, we are all still to young to know what we really want, and even when we think we've found it, the other person might not feel the same way. She probably wants to experience more. And you should, too- maybe not today, but eventually.

[CalmandCarryOn]

Trust me, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that my ex doesn't miss me at all, not even a little bit, and is probably already with someone else while I'm all torn up about it.. even though it sounds awful, it was probably something that your ex was thinking about doing for a long while, and she just didn't tell you. Which is definitely not the right way to handle things, because for you, it just came out of nowhere.

 

Unfortunately, we are all still to young to know what we really want, and even when we think we've found it, the other person might not feel the same way. She probably wants to experience more. And you should, too- maybe not today, but eventually.

 

True that.

[mightycpa]

Whether she knows it or not, she's doing you a favor.

 

Think about this: if the situation were reversed, and you broke up with her, and you were avoiding her, or acting like she was invisible, what feeling would have to be in your heart to make you act that way?

 

If you can put a name or two to what's behind that behavior, it will help you.

 

Then what you need to realize is that it doesn't matter why she's doing it. The fact is that she is. Accept that this is who she is now. No doubt you're disappointed, but this IS who she is now.

[lil hoodlum]

Dude so sorry to hear your story. So heartbreaking. I completely relate with how she treated you. That really hurts the most, to just be completely ignored and made to feel that you don't even exist.

 

 

 

 

Why does she act like this?

 

Because she is angry and/or bitter and holding a grudge about something.

 

 

 

 

So sorry that you have to endure this. It is just how some people behave. If you have some compassion in your heart, you should feel sorry for her.

[aider1st]

I'm in the same situation though my story is a little different. I'm the girl, he dumped me after four years right out the blue and hasn't spoken to me since. Its been over three months now.

 

I feel your pain, I was (and still am) very much in love with my guy and still need to know what happened. I never got an explanation he just left. As we live miles away from each other, I don't have the unfortunate "bumping into him" situation.

 

It is supposed to get easier so I am told. Keep strong my friend!

[CalmandCarryOn]

Dude so sorry to hear your story. So heartbreaking. I completely relate with how she treated you. That really hurts the most, to just be completely ignored and made to feel that you don't even exist.

 

 

 

 

Why does she act like this?

 

Because she is angry and/or bitter and holding a grudge about something.

 

 

 

 

So sorry that you have to endure this. It is just how some people behave. If you have some compassion in your heart, you should feel sorry for her.

 

Angry about what?

[CalmandCarryOn]

I'm in the same situation though my story is a little different. I'm the girl, he dumped me after four years right out the blue and hasn't spoken to me since. Its been over three months now.

 

I feel your pain, I was (and still am) very much in love with my guy and still need to know what happened. I never got an explanation he just left. As we live miles away from each other, I don't have the unfortunate "bumping into him" situation.

 

It is supposed to get easier so I am told. Keep strong my friend!

Yeah it's rough

[CalmandCarryOn]

Dude so sorry to hear your story. So heartbreaking. I completely relate with how she treated you. That really hurts the most, to just be completely ignored and made to feel that you don't even exist.

 

 

 

 

Why does she act like this?

 

Because she is angry and/or bitter and holding a grudge about something.

 

 

 

 

So sorry that you have to endure this. It is just how some people behave. If you have some compassion in your heart, you should feel sorry for her.

 

Any idea as to what she may be angry about? I did it call her selfish over text...

[Reels]

She has probably found someone else, have you tried figuring out who it can be?

[CalmandCarryOn]

She has probably found someone else, have you tried figuring out who it can be?

 

Nope. Still single. Sent a letter to her this summer wishing her and her family the best, got a response back that was cold then and now it's the same.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why do you want to be friends with someone who broke up with you? Do you really want to be her buddy and have her tell you about guys she's dating and guys she likes? She's doing you a favor.