Dating

[writergal]

As a single gal, I've decided to swear off dating advice from womens' magazines because some of that advice is crazy bad! I can't believe women lap it up as though it were dating gospel, and therefore rationalize their relationship woes based on this horrible dating advice.

 

 

Some examples of horrible dating advice:

 

 

1. Never except last minute dates.

 

 

Um, why not? That's so old fashioned. It implies that a woman is desperate if she accepts a spur of the moment invitation from a new guy she's just met.

 

 

2. Don't let him see you eat a lot.

 

 

I think this advice was given around the time of Lincoln and it needs to be shredded and put into a vault guarded by the secret service. It's so dumb!

 

 

3. Don't call him too soon or too late after a date -- or he'll think you're being clingy and insecure.

 

 

This advice is ridiculous and makes women more neurotic than they need to be. I don't see anything wrong with letting a guy know you had fun on the date with him either that same night or the next day or a couple of days later. And I don't see anything wrong with following up if you haven't heard from him, with a text or phone call to see if he'd like to get together again. This kind of advice makes women more paranoid then they need to be, I think. What's wrong with being honest and communicating your interest after a date? If he's not interested, he'll let you know.

 

Bad dating advice makes dating more complicated than it needs to be. It makes people overthink their move and the moves of his/her date.

 

 

So what's the worst dating advice you've been given? Did you follow/not follow it? What happened?

[Redhead14]

As a single gal, I've decided to swear off dating advice from womens' magazines because some of that advice is crazy bad! I can't believe women lap it up as though it were dating gospel, and therefore rationalize their relationship woes based on this horrible dating advice.

 

 

Some examples of horrible dating advice:

 

 

1. Never except last minute dates.

 

 

Um, why not? That's so old fashioned. It implies that a woman is desperate if she accepts a spur of the moment invitation from a new guy she's just met.

 

 

2. Don't let him see you eat a lot.

 

 

I think this advice was given around the time of Lincoln and it needs to be shredded and put into a vault guarded by the secret service. It's so dumb!

 

 

3. Don't call him too soon or too late after a date -- or he'll think you're being clingy and insecure.

 

 

This advice is ridiculous and makes women more neurotic than they need to be. I don't see anything wrong with letting a guy know you had fun on the date with him either that same night or the next day or a couple of days later. And I don't see anything wrong with following up if you haven't heard from him, with a text or phone call to see if he'd like to get together again. This kind of advice makes women more paranoid then they need to be, I think. What's wrong with being honest and communicating your interest after a date? If he's not interested, he'll let you know.

 

Bad dating advice makes dating more complicated than it needs to be. It makes people overthink their move and the moves of his/her date.

 

 

So what's the worst dating advice you've been given? Did you follow/not follow it? What happened?

 

Yep. All these little detail worries, preconceived ideas about "how men/women are" and using that as a blanket to view all men/women causes undo hesitations in dating also causes limitation of your options. Just be natural, be yourself, be relaxed, don't be needy, over anxious, etc. Go out with someone who interests you. Reciprocate their interest in a balanced way. It's so much easier.

[writergal]

Be Yourself!!! Best dating advice there is. Everything else outside that is based on opinion from someone else's experiences (whether good or bad) and preconceived notions. I agree that it limits the options for the person seeking dating advice. If more people would trust their own gut, well, they'd enjoy dating a lot more I think.

[BluEyeL]

I agree, except I see something to be lost when you don't hear from a guy and you contact him. If hes not interested and tells yyou, thats the good news. The danger i see is he wasn't really interested, but because you were, he sees you on his terms, strings you along x or figures he can use you for sex.

 

I tend to not follow up at first, because I found that it's better to date someone who has very strong initial interest. People who half ass it in the beginning are time wasters. Of course, someone could be moving slow and that's fine. Once you learn a bit about the man's character and intentions, then it's more than fine to initiate etc.

 

With the last minute dates, I accepted them, but it still meant, in my case, that the guy wasn't too serious, and it didn't work out.

 

The worst dating advice I read in the bood the rules. Things like never talk to a man first, or don't tell him when you're available just let him suggest days until he picks Saturday, or say no to some dates, or do not answer the phone, do not reply quickly to texts...I found through my experience to be ridiculous advice.

[BluEyeL]

Yeah, be yourself if you're happy, relaxed and positive. Work on yourself if you're negative, needy, or insecure.

[writergal]

Oh that book "The Rules" needs to be banned!! As a lover of literature, I am against banning books but I make an exception with bad dating advice books that line the self-help shelves of bookstores everywhere.

 

 

And I agree with you that if your gut tells you that a guy is half interested, it's not hard to predict what the outcome with him will likely be. If he's not 100% interested from the get-go, no dating advice article or book is going to change his mind about you -- that's up to him. And why would you want to chase a guy who's only 50% interested at the start.

 

 

I also think that there's a difference between taking it slow, and being non-committal. For instance, I just started dating a guy who happens to live a few hours away from me. Well, I knew his interest level was 100% when he suggested coming to my city *first*. Had he suggested meeting halfway, or have me drive to his city first I would have had second thoughts about the level of his interest. Sure it's fine to meet halfway between destinations, but doesn't that also reflect half-interested, half-committed? Maybe that's a personal preference.

 

 

Which brings me to personal preference. Dating advice seems to try to negate people's personal dating standards or preferences, as though having those will hinder your dating progress. I think the only way you can meet someone you are compatible with is to actually have dating standards and preferences, so that when you come across a guy (or gal) whose own standards and preferences match yours, well then you know there's a higher level of compatibility there for something long-term.

[Haydn]

Couldn`t deal with all those `rules` Who calls who first etc... If i meet a girl i like; i generally call her 5 minutes after we have said goodnight and in the same amount of cases she`s called me after 5 minutes. Far too much posturing seems to be going on in the `dating` world. People are essentially the same Male or Female. (I think).

[d0nnivain]

If you read between the lines of all these "bad advice" sources, they actually al offer the same message" be confident & have some self respect.

 

If you are calling a guy because you genuinely want to talk to him & not because you are afraid he'll forget you or is with someone else, go ahead & call.

 

If you like sex & are OK with moving forward with the physical side of things, go for it. Just don't whine "will you respect me in the morning."

 

If you aren't otherwise busy & the guy is offering fun entertainment go on the last minute date but don't drop your friends / plans for him and be aware if it's always his pattern to ask last minute.

 

I think the worst advice I ever got was to tone down my personality & try to be someone I'm not. Throughout my life people told me not to let boys know I'm smart or not to let men know I'm direct (I was told to be more coy & beat around the bush; I suck at that)

[Haydn]

Don,

 

Don`t ever tone it down!

 

 

If you read between the lines of all these "bad advice" sources, they actually al offer the same message" be confident & have some self respect.

 

If you are calling a guy because you genuinely want to talk to him & not because you are afraid he'll forget you or is with someone else, go ahead & call.

 

If you like sex & are OK with moving forward with the physical side of things, go for it. Just don't whine "will you respect me in the morning."

 

If you aren't otherwise busy & the guy is offering fun entertainment go on the last minute date but don't drop your friends / plans for him and be aware if it's always his pattern to ask last minute.

 

I think the worst advice I ever got was to tone down my personality & try to be someone I'm not. Throughout my life people told me not to let boys know I'm smart or not to let men know I'm direct (I was told to be more coy & beat around the bush; I suck at that)

[CaliGypsy]

Be yourself, yes. That's the only way to go.

 

Because if someone doesn't want the real you, they don't really want to be with you .

 

 

I say... Make your own rules !!!

[writergal]

Couldn`t deal with all those `rules` Who calls who first etc... If i meet a girl i like; i generally call her 5 minutes after we have said goodnight and in the same amount of cases she`s called me after 5 minutes. Far too much posturing seems to be going on in the `dating` world. People are essentially the same Male or Female. (I think).

 

I agree with you 100% that people are the same regardless of gender, and that it's all that silly posturing and game playing that makes dating such a headache.

[Gloria25]

As a single gal, I've decided to swear off dating advice from womens' magazines because some of that advice is crazy bad! I can't believe women lap it up as though it were dating gospel, and therefore rationalize their relationship woes based on this horrible dating advice.

 

 

Some examples of horrible dating advice:

 

 

1. Never except last minute dates.

 

 

Um, why not? That's so old fashioned. It implies that a woman is desperate if she accepts a spur of the moment invitation from a new guy she's just met.

 

Depends. If I'm in an established RL, then I can be spontaneous, but in my experiences in dating, guys who call you at the last minute probably had you as "Plan B".

 

It also goes back to establishing your importance (not being a doormat). I'm not Pizza Hut. You can't just call me and expect me to drop everything I'm doing to accommodate you. Again, if you're a guy I'm seeing on the regular, yea, I can be spontaneous, but if I just met you? You haven't earned that right for me to be there for you at the last minute...sorry.

 

 

2. Don't let him see you eat a lot.

 

 

I think this advice was given around the time of Lincoln and it needs to be shredded and put into a vault guarded by the secret service. It's so dumb!

 

Ok, at home, I have my moments where I'm just "shoveling" food. I'm a woman with a healthy appetite. Shoot, sometimes I lick my fingers, the plate, and just might need a bib. But, would I do that around a SO? No.

 

You can eat w/o looking like a pig in heat and I think that's what they mean.

 

I mean, really? Are there women in real life like those Hardee's commercials - walking around in heels and shoving oversized burgers and looking as sexy as those women in the commercials?

 

 

3. Don't call him too soon or too late after a date -- or he'll think you're being clingy and insecure.

 

 

This advice is ridiculous and makes women more neurotic than they need to be. I don't see anything wrong with letting a guy know you had fun on the date with him either that same night or the next day or a couple of days later. And I don't see anything wrong with following up if you haven't heard from him, with a text or phone call to see if he'd like to get together again. This kind of advice makes women more paranoid then they need to be, I think. What's wrong with being honest and communicating your interest after a date? If he's not interested, he'll let you know.

 

Bad dating advice makes dating more complicated than it needs to be. It makes people overthink their move and the moves of his/her date.

 

To a point....I usually will send a quick text or message saying I had a great time and hope to see him again. But, I'm not blowing up his phone trying to go over the date and how I wanna see him, and all that.

 

 

So what's the worst dating advice you've been given? Did you follow/not follow it? What happened?

 

So far, the worst dating advice I can think of came from a gf. She told me that even though I'm not interested in a guy, to still go out with him and allow him to treat me to a good dinner/evening.

 

I'm sorry, I'll never do that. I don't believe in making guys pay for my time - especially if I'm not into them.

[writergal]

 

 

I say... Make your own rules !!!

 

 

^^ Exactly!! Makes dating a whole lot easier if you do that.

[writergal]

So far, the worst dating advice I can think of came from a gf. She told me that even though I'm not interested in a guy, to still go out with him and allow him to treat me to a good dinner/evening.

 

I'm sorry, I'll never do that. I don't believe in making guys pay for my time - especially if I'm not into them.

 

Gloria25 I love your responses! Haha! You are a straight shooter!!

[Frank2thepoint]

As a single gal, I've decided to swear off dating advice from womens' magazines because some of that advice is crazy bad!

 

But what about trying those crazy new sex moves that will excite your man?

 

 

1. Never except last minute dates.

 

Um, why not? That's so old fashioned. It implies that a woman is desperate if she accepts a spur of the moment invitation from a new guy she's just met.

 

I never realized, or considered, a woman accepting an invitation for a date from a man as "desperate" or "last minute". Is this the falsehood that women's magazines spew? Is this why I, as a man, have struggled with getting a date?

 

 

2. Don't let him see you eat a lot.

 

I like a woman that likes to eat. Preferably healthy foods, with a small indulgence of unhealthy food. Chicks that eat a single leaf as a meal and say they are satisfied are not for me.

 

 

3. Don't call him too soon or too late after a date -- or he'll think you're being clingy and insecure.

 

This is crazy and stupid in my personal opinion. I enjoy attention from a woman, and I return it without playing games. If a woman messaged me even a minute after we parted on our date, I'd be happy knowing that she is excited about me, and I'd reply back to her.

 

 

And I don't see anything wrong with following up if you haven't heard from him, with a text or phone call to see if he'd like to get together again.

 

Marry me!

[writergal]

I sat here trying to think of any bad dating advice I've gotten over the years and came up blank. Then I realized, I don't think I've ever really gotten dating advice! I don't think I've ever been in a position to ask for any.

 

You've never been given dating advice? Ever?

 

But what about trying those crazy new sex moves that will excite your man?

 

 

Hahaha that sounds straight out of a woman's magazine.

 

I never realized, or considered, a woman accepting an invitation for a date from a man as "desperate" or "last minute". Is this the falsehood that women's magazines spew? Is this why I, as a man, have struggled with getting a date?

 

 

You would be surprised Frank how many dating articles and relationship advice books propagate the "don't be a desperate woman by accepting his last minute date invitation." It's horrible. Yes, it's possible that's why you can't get a date at the last minute. Women probably want to accept your last minute invites, but they've been brainwashed not to. It's terrible how much influence the media has over womens' dating behavior.

 

I like a woman that likes to eat. Preferably healthy foods, with a small indulgence of unhealthy food. Chicks that eat a single leaf as a meal and say they are satisfied are not for me.

 

Haha a single leaf as a meal? That's not even a snack!

 

 

This is crazy and stupid in my personal opinion. I enjoy attention from a woman, and I return it without playing games. If a woman messaged me even a minute after we parted on our date, I'd be happy knowing that she is excited about me, and I'd reply back to her.

 

 

I agree. It's crazy and stupid not to just contact each other and just be yourself.

 

Marry me!

 

Haha I'll consider your offer if things don't work out this guy I just started to date.

[HereNorThere]

I don't want get into specifics, but the male dating advice is pretty bad as well. It's all basically, be jerk and you'll get laid.

 

 

And the worst advice you could ever give someone is "just be yourself"... Sure, it's great to be authentic, but just doing exactly what you feel in the moment shows reveals way too much too early. Never spring the totality of your being on someone directly after meeting them. Be authentic, but also your best behavior give people enough to feel comfortable around you first.

[GravityMan]

I've found that I was often happier and people were more positive and receptive towards me when I kept things simple in my head. In other words, stop trying so hard to please/impress people, stop walking on eggshells, and just go and interact with people naturally. Just cut out the BS. This was true in almost any situation...dates, casual hangouts with friends and family, the workplace (to a lesser extent), etc. Basic common courtesy and common sense stuff aside, rules just tend to get in the way. They will impede your inclinations.

 

Dating in general does not have to be complicated.

[Woggle]

All these books and articles that encourage stupid games have ruined dating.

[most_distant_galaxy]

Relying on generic advice implies that one does not have much of a critical thinking ability. Because they don't have the ability to put the context in the equation. Relationships and dating are about emotions, and respect, and fun. If you really want to make love on the 2nd date then go ahead, it will be valuable because you really want it. If you want to spontaneously ask your coworker to go on a date after work, do so. If you are the kind of person to be embarassed to eat a big meal in front of your new love interest, then eat only an olive. People should completely own their behaviour and interactions with others.

[Anela]

I've blocked out most of it. I also think that most are so used to my being single, that they just don't think about dating in regards to me, anymore.

 

It used to annoy me when I was younger, and someone would try to push me into a social situation that I didn't want to be in, and why? They weren't telling me that I should be going out to dance on a Friday night, just to have fun - it had to be because it was my best chance of meeting a man. I wasn't even in the mood to meet someone; my aunt was more concerned with my lack of dates, than I was.