jjtr Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 This coming Monday will mark three weeks since my girlfriend and I became official and I feel like it's gotten off to a great start. We met/had our first date at the beginning of August and, aside from two weeks where we were each away on vacation) for the most part saw one another once a week before things started picking up a bit. We've probably seen each other 12 times total and four times since becoming official (three of them being last week). I haven't seen her this week at all (Sunday night was the last time) and she is going out of town this weekend, so I won't see her until Sunday night again. We usually text/talk daily, which has continued, but it has dropped off a bit this week. I know she's busy (she gets home at 8 pm from law school Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and works at a law firm Monday, Wednesday and Friday) and has a lot on her plate, but I was pretty bummed this week (though that was in general and not due to her). I moved out again last weekend and am now closer to where she lives (we're about 5 miles from one another now), so I had expectations of seeing her more. 1) I know that I'm probably stressing about this too much since it has only been one week of this and we saw each other three times last week. 2) I know it's partly due to me adjusting to my new place/wanting someone there because of dealing with loneliness from adjusting to living alone again. I do have a life outside of her but, like most work adults I think, it is limited during the week. I told her she was welcome to come over to just hangout and study if she needed to get away from her place/her roommates and she said she make take me up on that. My questions are: - Are my expectations too high, too soon? I don't want everyday yet, but I'd like more than once a week. - How can I work on not letting these petty things get to me? I know we have a good thing going and I know she likes me, but I do let this kind of stuff get to me at times. I think the thing that has bothered me most this week is the falling off of communication a bit. It has still been there daily, but not nearly as much. I know a lot of this probably stems from my own transition, but this is also my first relationship in awhile and first that doesn't require 30 minutes of travel in one direction. For the record, she said this is her first relationship in a long time that isn't long distance and where her boyfriend is available more often.
mammasita Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 All you can do is communicate. You have expectations and I'm sure she does too....the only way you'll ever know what the other is thinking is to let her know how you feel and what you expect/want. 1
Gaeta Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 Of course you are not expecting too much. You should express to her if possible you don't want to go 7 days without seeing her. If time is restrained then can't you just spend the night together mid-week? At least you have the closeness and share a moment over breakfast in the morning. As for communication dropping it's normal after you get official. You settle in your routine and you touch base during the day.
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 Twice a week is more than once per week but not yet daily. Baby steps, my friend. Baby steps. 1
ThisisIt606 Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 Law school and working? I'm surprised she has time to date. As long as you are texing/calling in the time you don't see eachother it's fine. Tell her yo're looking forward to seeing her when she gets back from her weekend away and set a date (place,time) for you two to meet up.Thisway you both have something definitive to look forward to.
Redhead14 Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 Having expectations of anyone you are in a new relationship with is probably not a good idea. Hoping for something to change or happen is probably a better way to express your needs/wants to them. In other words, try not to make it seem like it's something you are expecting but something you hope can be worked toward. A common goal. If she understands that this is something you would like to see happen and it's somewhat difficult at the moment, and she wants that too, she will begin to think about how to make that happen. If it feels like an expectation to her, she may hesitate.
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