I cant stop thinking about my wife who we are seperated with another guy

[robo1]

I been married for 7 yrs and we have been together for 16yrs, we have 4 wonderful children who r now all in secondary school, basically we separated 6 months ago, in that time she has moved into a beautiful place.and I had to move in on my mates sofa for a while, I tried to win her back but to only find out she went on dating sites talking to other men. My two flat mates were horrified what I told them. I was waiting for a decision from her and found she was doing that. After my mates tried to pick me up by saying come out to pub and move on she clearly has. Well I cried so much for her and my mates kept on telling me what she might be doing with other guys. I was lost and devastated, so one day my mate set up a profile on a dating site without my knowledge, I had a lot of hits but I didn't want to no. Anyway a wk or two past then my wife started getting in touch again which I loved. We went out as a family and all sorts. One night I was round there and we was watching a dvd she sat on the other end of the sofa and was so cold. Later after film we had an argument about it and I left in upset again. Said we was over. I was hoping she might of contacted me but 1 wk past and nothing then 2nd wk still nothing and all throu this time I was going crazy. Couldn't eat, sleep go to work or anything, after that last wk I went on that site and replied to a women and we got chatting and stuff and seemed to get on ok. My flat mates kept on saying go out on a date with her .because my wife is probably sleeping around and stuff. So I went out for a drink. It went ok but I was always thinking of my wife. Anyway long story short I found out that my wife had a so called friend . that was it I was so hurt and upset so I decided to contact that girl again. Tbh she meant nothing to me and I so missed my wife. Later on I stopped seeing that girl because it was unfair to her and me. Well I pleaded with my wife and she wasn't sure. She told me she been on a few dates but nothing happened. Then one day I was round fixing a light for my daughter and my wife left her phone behind whilst poping to shop. Of course i went trough the phone and found messages from her so called friend basically she has asked him for sex and he said yes. That was yesterday. I am in a mess. I have lost my job, I can't eat, sleep, I struggle to get up from my bed, I been to the doctors and I am on antidepressants and have been for 2 months now, plus I have been diagnosed with having a bit of a breakdown. I just miss her and have since we been a part. I have done things wrong and I wish I could change everthing. I trying to get professional help but that takes time. I am in pieces . really I am a good dad and always put brave face on for them. But I can't stop crying . and all thoughts of her with someone else is diving me absolutely crazy. I love her with all my heart. What can I do to get her out of my head.i no its over she told me that. But we slept together twice in last 2 wks . I have said I will always wait for her no matter what happens I can forgive and forget things. She told me her friend is the one she would have sex with and go out with cause he is nice.

[jakrbbt]

OK, this is a horrible thing happening to you and right now you can't see the end. You are grieving, and you can't imagine any future without your wife (or someone to take her place). But what about a future without, also, the pain that your wife causes? It sounds like a bad relationship to me. Maybe it's had some good times but you've picked the gristle and meat off the bones of that relationship.

 

For me, the significant part of your post was when you state that you began trying to get counseling but it "takes time." I've been there, where no solution seems legitimate unless it is immediate. You have an IMMEDIATE need to be free from pain, but truly free from it, not just superficially (i.e., with other woman). You are inconsolable.

 

Do not -- Do NOT, -- underestimate the power of tiny good things. What seem like wimpy, inconsequential steps toward happiness. Pet a dog, listen to one song, being happy for thirty seconds even if it passes-- those are the MOST meaningful moments right now. You also need to make small decisions that YOU believe in-- like letting someone in in traffic, or paying a bill early, or even folding your laundry neatly and putting it away. Things that make you someone you would want to be with, things that you do on purpose because that's who you choose to be.

 

Bottom line, your job right now is to take care of yourself.

 

Your wife is confused too. Forget all that for now, she'll be around in the future, I promise. That's not your problem. Your problem is that you have had a breakdown and must attend to yourself like the best doctor on the planet. You deserve it. You know how. I am a bit worried about you-- keep posting.