ediebrick Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 (edited) I am hoping for some unbiased insight on this situation: I met a guy via online dating. On my profile I state that I am not looking for a hookup, only to date and, eventually, a relationship. I am very lucky in that I get quite a few e-mails and have had very good luck with OLD but still no relationship. I recently met a guy and we initially met for coffee. He walked me back to my car and, when, I got home, I had a text saying that he had a great time, etc. We then went on date number 2 where he took me to a movie. After the movie, he wanted to show me where he worked. He took me inside the building and, because it was after business hours, it was empty. There he started kissing me. I kind of got the feeling that he wanted to do more, but it could be just a feeling and I didn't give him the opportunity. Again, he insisted on walking me to my car and when I got home, there were several texts asking me if I arrived home ok. For the next week or so we texted a couple of times a day. I noticed that I was initiating the messages so I decided to stop for one day to test his interest. The day I didn't text him, he sent me a message asking if "I had a lot of "patients to see at work?" I didn't want to seem clingy so I waited till that night to text him. After he sent that text, I noticed he was back online on the dating site because I had logged on to check my email. It was the first time I had seen him on there since our first date but that could be due the fact that he can't afford internet at his house and does not have a Wi-Fi phone. Now, he is asking a little distant. I asked him out yesterday and he said "of course" but I can still tell he is a little distant. Do you think he views that my logging onto the dating site as cheating after one date? I figure he was on it to see if I was on there after I didn't answer his text for a couple of hours Thanks Edited October 17, 2014 by ediebrick
mammasita Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 Cheating? I think your imagination is insane and you're projecting. It's been 2 dates......relax!!! 5
Maleficent Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 well I don't live inside his head but if he does think you are cheating at this point - running isn't fast enough. Get a bike. However,because it took you long to respond to his text that day, he may be pulling back for fear of looking too clingy.
SawtoothMars Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 I asked him out yesterday and he said "of course" but I can still tell he is a little distant. Do you think he views that my logging onto the dating site as cheating after one date? I figure he was on it to see if I was on there after I didn't answer his text for a couple of hours Thanks I would not consider it cheating... and I doubt he does either. However, it would make me feel you are not super interested and that would cause me to hold back. I assume the combination of you dumping the cold water on him at his work (This was a good move), slowing your texts, and continuing to use this dating side would all combine to paint a bad picture. All of this can be easily overcome by doing stuff to show interest in him.
mightycpa Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 There's no such thing as cheating after meeting (1st date) and then one date. There's no such thing. 2
KatZee Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 (edited) Everything that's going on right now is in your mind, and your mind only. Geeze girl, calm down. You've gone out with him TWO times. Do you HONESTLY think this guy thinks you're cheating? It's not even possible since you guys aren't even an established couple. You and he are completely free to date other people, which is obviously what he's doing since he's still logging into the OLD site. It's not a thing, until it's a THING. He SHOULD be distant at this point. You've seen him in person twice!!! TWICE! How invested are you expecting this guy to be? He doesn't know you from a hole in the wall. Edited October 17, 2014 by KatZee
oldshirt Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 I think you had two dates and this guy is still pretty much a complete stranger and that you need to calm the hell down.
MalachiX Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 Had he actually accused you of cheating then the proper response would be to immediatly exit this thing. That would have shown him to be jealous and obsessive. But he didn't accuse you. Everything you describe is going on in your head. The fact that you would even call it "cheating" is a bit odd since it doesn't sound like you guys have ANY kind of understanding.
lollipopspot Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 We then went on date number 2 where he took me to a movie. After the movie, he wanted to show me where he worked. He took me inside the building and, because it was after business hours, it was empty. I'd seriously be careful going somewhere alone with a guy you've just met. It's different if it's someone from your social circle whom others know, but this much of a stranger could be dangerous. You probably got a good feeling from him, but going into an empty building with a relative stranger sounds like a risk to me. 1
Zahara Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 It's normal for people on OLD to keep checking their profiles...even after one date! So he's not thinking that you're "cheating" on him. You both are not in a relationship. It could just be that he is being distant because he's checking out other prospects on OLD. And OP, don't go into empty office buildings with men you do not know. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 (edited) This post is timely for me, as I just dove back into OLD a few days ago - and already have a date lined up for this weekend - provided he isn't a flake like many OLDers. For the next week or so we texted a couple of times a day. I noticed that I was initiating the messages so I decided to stop for one day to test his interest. The day I didn't text him, he sent me a message asking if "I had a lot of "patients to see at work?" I didn't want to seem clingy so I waited till that night to text him. After he sent that text, I noticed he was back online on the dating site because I had logged on to check my email. My interpretation is that he thought you were losing interest due to letting up on texting him, so he went back to the site to browse around some more. I only did OLD once before, and it was pretty brief, as I met someone quickly. As soon as I met someone I really liked, I didn't go back to the site, except to disable my profile a few weeks later. Not only did I not have the desire to look around anymore - I didn't want to give him the impression that I was still looking around after meeting him. And he later told me he felt the same way and did the same thing. Same case now. I talked to the second prospect on the phone tonight, he seems like a much more solid choice, and we planned a date for Saturday. (He wanted to go out tonight, but I'm a planner and don't like to accept short-notice invites, especially with someone I don't know yet.) He said he'd like to call me again tomorrow, and we're on for that. I'm pretty sure I'm not even going to log into the site again before the date. If it's not a match with him, back I will go. If it is a match, I probably won't log in again. I know my approach is conservative and old-fashioned. But I feel best giving each solid prospect a clean shot without any interference from other prospects. The way I see it, the dating site is like "the club". I'm not going to go back into the club to mingle when I've just planned a date with somebody. I've got messages waiting for me on the site now, but they can wait till Sunday. Edited October 17, 2014 by Ruby Slippers
IronZ Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 You're getting a bit lost in your head I think. Wait until date number 3 and see how he acts.
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 My interpretation is that he thought you were losing interest due to letting up on texting him, so he went back to the site to browse around some more. ^^ This ^^ You can't cheat on somebody after 2 dates. You can't even cheat on somebody until you have both agreed to be exclusive.
ThisisIt606 Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 Noone is cheating on anyone. THere is no relationship. it's just two dates. People go on their site bc they are bored, casually looking, see they got a message/curious what it says so they log on. I find it creepy/concerning he took you to his work place when noone was there on just the 2nd date. Especially after a time at the movies when you just sit in silence/can't talk.
Purepony Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 If he can't afford internet connection or doesn't have it on his phone drop him and stop dating guys who are broke! 1
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