Breathe Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Does anyone have any experience in speaking to a child about death and issues surrounding this? My brother recently passed away and my 3 yr old nephew has been having a hard time with this. When he lashes out he says he wants "to go to heaven with Daddy". Even when he's not lashing out he'll say things like he wants "to reach up to heaven and hug Daddy". My SIL stated she's going to look into seeing a counselor for help. (She's pregnant) and also fears it may get worse when he baby comes. I don't know how to help her in this department. Any suggestions or anyone have any experience with issues as this? Thanks.
d'Arthez Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 I don't have experience with the situation, but I do know that a young child cannot grasp the concept of "death." If he is told that daddy is in heaven, it is only natural for a kid to assume that heaven is a place like earth, so that you can actually travel there without dying. Sorry I cannot be of more help to you, and counselling sounds a good idea. I am sorry for your and your SIL's loss.
laRubiaBonita Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 when he does "lash out" or have a moment where he just needs dad......try huggung him and saying that Dad is hugging him through you or mom. and explaining that his dad cannot hug him like he used to, but he can still hug through other people.
jade_nc Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 she can also try taking a photo of daddy and having it made into a pillow, or something soft that he can hold. she might also try designating a special place in the house, or yard where he can physically go to talk to daddy. 3 is so young. he doesn't even understand the difference between make believe and reality yet. my grandfather passed away a year ago. two weeks ago, my 7 year old wrote him a letter. he even addressed it "To PaPa; Heaven". when i tried to explain that we couldn't mail it, he said - why not? even though he knows he can't see his PaPa anymore, he still doesn't quite understand. i sent the letter to my grandmother.
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Elisabeth Kubler-Ross is a therapist who dealt extensively with the families of hospice patients, and hospice itself. She wrote a book called "On Children and Death" I believe, or Children and Dying - anyways it is a good resource, you can check that out.
HokeyReligions Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 http://www.beyondindigo.com/children/ http://www.beyondindigo.com/articles/article.php/artID/220153 http://www.beyondindigo.com/articles/article.php/artID/200275 I am so sorry to hear of this. I have experienced this too and I know how difficult it is to deal with. Children of any age experience grief. Some key things to help children understand and cope with death, remember four key concepts: Be Loving, Be Accepting, Be Truthful and Be Consistent The links I gave you are to a grief site with a section on dealing with grief and children. There are some good articles there and the site itself is a great resource when living through grief.
DacaInaru Posted March 13, 2005 Posted March 13, 2005 I work for a grief support program.. your nephew is going to go through a lot of different stages especiallly if he's young.. they are all normal.. if you want to find a grief support program in your area visit the Dougy Centers website. http://www.dougy.org/ if you happen to be in connecticut lower fairfield county I can give you some places to see there.. I can also email you some info if youd like on the grief process. let me know
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