Lying boyfriend

[Haerts]

If you haven't seen my past threads, I was considering breaking up with my boyfriend and I actually did it. However, an hour after I break up he said how much he loved me, that he wanted me back and stuff like that. Then I decided I should give another chance... only to get frustrated again. I remember someone mentioning in my old thread that I'd come back in some time to talk about it again... you were right, here I am. (forgot your name)

 

Anyway, I've been catching lies from him that are making me question our relationship again. Last Friday he said he would have a work meeting at place A but it actually was going to be at place B, which is nearby my house - the meeting ended up not happening, but he lied to me about the place. I found out because we were going to meet each other and a few friends after that meeting, and coincidentally I saw a friend of his (who was going with us) waiting for a cab, so I went with him. That's when he said that he thought my boyfriend would go with me, because he had mentioned to him that he would go to my place to get ready after the meeting - thing is, he never mentioned it to me AND he said it would be at place A, which is not near at all, while he told his friend it would be at place B. I'm not sure if I'm making it clear, but in short: he lied about the place the meeting was actually going to occur and never told me about going to my place to get ready, even though his friend knew it. I still don't understand why would he lie about that, but he confirmed to his friend it was going to be on place B and not A - right in front of me.

 

Yesterday something else happened. That same meeting I mentioned was going to happen yesterday, and this time he said it would be at place B, which is near my house, and that we could see each other afterwards. To make it clear: HE SUGGESTED THAT. Of course I agreed and I was looking forward seeing him. Thing is:

 

5:30PM: I got a text from him saying "I was just told a new joke, can't wait to tell it to you. It's awesome!". I find it cute when he tells me his jokes, even though they aren't funny at all. This only made me expect to see him even more and I told him that "haha can't wait to hear it!".

 

6:30PM: This is when his meeting should've started.

 

7:30PM: That's the time we agreed to meet. I got a text from him saying his meeting didn't happen and therefore he didn't go to place B - so we wouldn't see each other. I was already there at place B.

 

Obviously I got upset. At the last minute he says he wasn't going anymore. He asked if I was upset and I said "yes, of course I am. That was disrespectful. I was expecting to see you, you should've told me before that you were not coming". And he said "you're talking about like I didn't want to see you too...". And I said "and did you? Even if your meeting wasn't going to happen, we were going to see each other. You should've come regardless, if you really wanted to see me. Would you like if I did it to you?". Then he said "I'm sorry, you're right, I should've told you before, I promise it's not going to happen again."... but then he was clearly mad at me, only God knows why.

 

Today I ended up doing something that I shouldn't have, but I'm feeling so upset with his behaviour that I went ahead and did it anyway. I sneaked into his facebook. I wanted to know what was going on, since he never tells me. Turns out at 4:30PM of yesterday he already knew he wasn't going to the meeting - he was setting to meet his friends instead, and was all excited saying that he wished he could leave work sooner to hang out more with them. Why the F would he message me an hour after that saying he was going to tell me "an awesome joke" if he already knew he wouldn't go? No evidences of cheating though.

 

The thing is: can I even trust this guy any longer? We only got back together for 10 days and he's already lied twice to me, with no reason - that is, if he didn't do it more. I was already very suspicious of him and now I'm just even more. Like, even if we talk, I don't have any guarantee that he will stop lying to me... and if he's already doing that now, shouldn't I expect him to keep lying, or even cheat?

 

In all honesty, I only came here to vent and I wanted to hear from you your thoughts. I still like him so much, he was being everything I ever wanted on a boyfriend in the start and now things just keep going downhill. The feeling that I have to abandon this ship as soon as possible simply wont get out of my mind, but at the same time I always feel like there's something left to try. But I really can't see this relationship working.

 

I made up my mind though and this weekend is going to be our last one. We're going out tomorrow at night, saturday night too, and on sunday he said he'd spend the day with me at my place, since I'll be alone. Before he leaves, I'm telling him my reasoning and then breaking up. Regarding this, should I tell him it's our last weekend or should I keep it to myself and just enjoy it?

 

Ty for reading if you went through this wall of text.

[Diezel]

See you in a few weeks when you ask us why he went back to his former, and true, behavior.

 

That didn't take long, did it?

 

I'm not even going to address most of your post, because honestly, you were warned.

 

Break up with him NOW. What is this "last weekend" garbage? Seriously?

You want to spend the weekend with him and THEN break up? A guy who stood you up and you are furious with, you want to give him your whole weekend?

 

No wonder he treats you like garbage and disrespects you, YOU ALLOW IT.

[Toodaloo]

Why bother ruining a weekend?

 

Go out with your girls instead.

 

Don't bother with this guy. Use the "block" facility on your phone, if you don't know how to find someone who does and get them to set it up for you.

 

Really so much time has been wasted why waste more???

[Haerts]

I like him, he likes me. He's just not in love anymore. I don't have many friends in this town and I know I'll struggle home this weekend if I spend it alone. My family and most friends are in my hometown. My best friend lives with me and she's travelling tomorrow. I just don't want to spend the weekend all alone when I could have some fun with him. Besides, I still want to give him my reasonings. Can't I be selfish once in my life and think about myself only?

 

I don't regret going back to him. That made me learn a few things and as long as I'm learning, I believe it's worth it, but I'm done with him. I just want one last weekend. This could be a mistake, but I feel like I should.

[Gaeta]

I made up my mind though and this weekend is going to be our last one. We're going out tomorrow at night, saturday night too, and on sunday he said he'd spend the day with me at my place, since I'll be alone. Before he leaves, I'm telling him my reasoning and then breaking up. Regarding this, should I tell him it's our last weekend or should I keep it to myself and just enjoy it?.

 

I don't understand women like you. I will tell you what I tell my best friend when she complains about her boyfriend being a liar: How can you open your legs to a man that you KNOW lies to your face!!

 

Woman up! take the trash out right now!

[Chemist]

I bet he drives a really nice car, though.

[Diezel]

I like him, he likes me. He's just not in love anymore. I don't have many friends in this town and I know I'll struggle home this weekend if I spend it alone. My family and most friends are in my hometown. My best friend lives with me and she's travelling tomorrow. I just don't want to spend the weekend all alone when I could have some fun with him. Besides, I still want to give him my reasonings. Can't I be selfish once in my life and think about myself only?

 

I don't regret going back to him. That made me learn a few things and as long as I'm learning, I believe it's worth it, but I'm done with him. I just want one last weekend. This could be a mistake, but I feel like I should.

 

Rationalizing.

Rationalizing.

Rationalizing.

 

I call BS on you and everything you post from now on. You'll stay with him, because you'd rather be with someone who treats you like garbage than try to spend some time alone.

 

Like I said before... anything that happens to you from now on is all YOUR fault and none of his. He is who he is and you know that. And you willingly stay with him because you'd rather have bad company than no company?

 

A woman who is truly done with a man doesn't spend her next weekend with him. You aren't being selfish, you are being an idiot. And don't tell us you "learned" stuff. Clearly you didn't.

 

Please don't come back in a few weeks saying you got pregnant on your last weekend with this guy and he doesn't want to have any part of it.

[Haerts]

The way you guys are talking to me is making me sad. Really, that's not necessary. The last thing I need right now is someone slapping my face saying "I told you". I know you told me. I know what I did and like I said, I don't regret it. I would rather try and fail if I feel the need to try than not try it and then maybe regret it later. That's just how I am.

 

And yes, I did learn a few things. The main one being that I should pay attention to everything next time, take things slower and trust my guts. They never failed me. Excuse me, but it's my first serious relationship. I still have lots to learn.

 

I have absolutely NO intention of staying with him however, simply because I can't trust him anymore. Even if he says he will try, I just don't want to try anymore. I'm done trying and this time I'm sure I won't regret it, so I'm conscious free. My feelings for him are running the other way now, but I still feel like seeing him, going out one more time, enjoy it as most as possible and keep the good memories in my mind. He's a good guy, he's just not mature enough for a relationship yet. I need someone who is, someone better and more compatible, that's why I'll let go.

 

Believe me. I've been through this numerous times. He's my first boyfriend, but I don't have enough fingers to count how many times I left someone because I didn't feel like they were compatible enough; sometimes I wouldn't like them enough, sometimes they wouldn't like me. Most of times I was the one to walk away. This time will be no different.

 

Thank you for your attention.

[Diezel]

Our point isn't to say "I told you so". Our point is to tell you "Don't go it again", but you can't see that.

 

The way you are posting that you want to spend a weekend with a lying boyfriend rather than by yourself collectively makes US sad. You deserve better, but you're willing to put up with garbage. WHY?

 

Want to talk about not necessary?

 

Not necessary is the way this guy treats you. Not necessary is being with him. Not necessary is spending the weekend with him. Not necessary is trying when HE ISN'T.

 

You just don't see it.

 

You say you are bailing. Your actions don't speak to it. You keep trying to convince us that you can walk away, but you're not doing it. You can lie to us all you want, don't lie to yourself.

[Gaeta]

I like him, he likes me. He's just not in love anymore. I don't have many friends in this town and I know I'll struggle home this weekend if I spend it alone. My family and most friends are in my hometown. My best friend lives with me and she's travelling tomorrow. .

 

Use that weekend to clean up your closets! shopping, movies, go out of town, anything!

 

II just don't want to spend the weekend all alone when I could have some fun with him. Besides, I still want to give him my reasonings. Can't I be selfish once in my life and think about myself only?.

 

How can you have 'fun' with someone that lies to you? and he does not care about your reasoning. Haven't you tried to reason with him already.

 

 

I don't regret going back to him. That made me learn a few things and as long as I'm learning, I believe it's worth it, but I'm done with him. I just want one last weekend. This could be a mistake, but I feel like I should.

 

You are not done. You want to enjoy a last weekend with him as if you're losing something of value.

 

You are lying to yourself and you cannot be mad at people on here for seeing it through your post.

[Day.One]

I bet he drives a really nice car, though.

 

 

New keyboard please!

[umirano]

Obvious case is obvious. Chemist, Gaeta and Diezel are spot on. And Toddaloo (or however it's spelled). What do you want OP. This forum can't do anymore for you.

[CharlieFox]

OP, I said this before, you seem like a great girl and someone a lot of people would kill to have next to them. Don't "degrade" so you can hang out with losers.

 

Make a wiser and better choice by finding someone who will be dying to spend time with you and not lie to you with no intention to meet you. You deserve better. Have a little more respect for yourself.

 

Leave this guy, don't contact him and don't respond to anything he writes you. MOVE ON!

[Haerts]

I'm gonna try to meet him today, I really need this weight out of my shoulders. I'm not gonna simply disappear or do it through a call or text. Say what you want, I'm gonna do it cause I think it's the right thing to do. You are all right. I know I deserve better. Sigh this sucks. I still like Jim so much.

[Haerts]

Him* stupid keyboard. Was worth the laugh. haha

[Diezel]

Prediction: You'll spend the whole weekend with him.

 

Worst part is you'll do exactly the things you shouldn't. You'll try to be as nice as you can. You'll bang him senseless. You'll do every and anything you can to show him that you are perfect for him and that he'd be a sucker to let you go.

 

Problem is, you are rewarding bad behavior.

 

Escalation, it's called. He'll act worse and worse and see how far he can take it. You'll talk to him today and you two will reset the timer. Last time it took you 11 days to post here again and in those 11 days you caught him in 2 lies.

 

Next time, it'll be 9 days and 3 lies.

 

Was he thinking about the "right thing to do" while he kept lying to you?

[ExpatInItaly]

He isn't lying for no reason. He's got some motivation for being dishonest. I think he just didn't wan to spend time with you but realized he'd already made a plan with you.

 

I don't know how spending the weekend with him is going to benefit you in any way. I think it will only hurt you more, because you know he's a lying tool who doesn't love you enough to respect your time. He also apparently doesn't think you're smart enough to catch on to his lies. Not sure how spending time with a person like that would be fun. Sounds more like a waste of time.

[spiderowl]

I like him, he likes me. He's just not in love anymore. I don't have many friends in this town and I know I'll struggle home this weekend if I spend it alone. My family and most friends are in my hometown. My best friend lives with me and she's travelling tomorrow. I just don't want to spend the weekend all alone when I could have some fun with him. Besides, I still want to give him my reasonings. Can't I be selfish once in my life and think about myself only?

 

I don't regret going back to him. That made me learn a few things and as long as I'm learning, I believe it's worth it, but I'm done with him. I just want one last weekend. This could be a mistake, but I feel like I should.

 

Why not keep him but relegate him to F-buddy (not FWB as he's not a trustworthy friend)? If he can't treat you with respect, then dump him. If you don't want to do that, then demote him.

[Haerts]

Diezel. Let me tell you something that's FOR SURE. WE. ARE. NOT. GOING. PAST. THIS. WEEKEND. DOT. PERIOD. THE END.

 

That's not happening for the reason I already told you all: I caught him lying and I CAN'T trust him anymore. Even if he said sorry, I love you, I want you back, I'll do everything I can to change that behaviour... NO, NO, NO. Simply because if we decided to try again, those lies would still keep spinning around my head and everything he said, I wouldn't believe at all. He would've to keep me updated about everything he does, which is something he never did, which is something unhealthy, which is something I don't want anyone doing for me; I don't need that. So even at the best scenario, where he would try his best and do everything he can to keep me secure, I can't rebuilt trust like that once it's gone, especially considering our relationship is so short and it's been through lots of things that made me sad.

 

There are no chances anymore. I tried again, but I'm done trying. Last time I said I still felt like talking to him and trying again. This time, it's not happening, 'cause I honestly don't feel like it. And that's the bottom line. But I really need to tell him all of what he did. Tbh, I took off school earlier today and I thought about talking to him to see if we could see each other, but I'm not really motivated to stay 1h20min inside a bus just to do that. I'm still trying to figure out a way to do it so I can feel at least a little better, which is something none of you could help me with, sorry.

 

ExpatInItaly, exactly. He's lying for a reason and I'd still like to know what the reason is. And I will try to know what it is. Regardless, it made me sad, it broke the rest of trust I had for him and I have absolutely no intention of trying again.

 

spiderowl, no way. He sucks in bed. He's not very experienced. He said that before he met me, he only had sex twice - and I really believe it. Just so you know, he wouldn't even take his shirt off the first few days we slept together, he's insecure about his body. I was okay with that, as he was okay with me being more experienced. Eventually he started to feel more comfortable with me. No more sex for him though.

 

I just don't want to spend the saturday night alone. That will be really horrible for me. I don't have anyone to go out with and you can't imagine how much it sucks to stay home during saturday nights, 'cause there's a club (for old people) right beside my house and it sucks so much (it's so loud too) that I feel obligated to go anywhere on these days. Just this saturday. The next one my best friend will be back and I'm sure we'll spend some time outside. I just don't want to be alone.

[Diezel]

Diezel. Let me tell you something that's FOR SURE. WE. ARE. NOT. GOING. PAST. THIS. WEEKEND. DOT. PERIOD. THE END.

 

That's not happening for the reason I already told you all: I caught him lying and I CAN'T trust him anymore. Even if he said sorry, I love you, I want you back, I'll do everything I can to change that behaviour... NO, NO, NO. Simply because if we decided to try again, those lies would still keep spinning around my head and everything he said, I wouldn't believe at all. He would've to keep me updated about everything he does, which is something he never did, which is something unhealthy, which is something I don't want anyone doing for me; I don't need that. So even at the best scenario, where he would try his best and do everything he can to keep me secure, I can't rebuilt trust like that once it's gone, especially considering our relationship is so short and it's been through lots of things that made me sad.

 

There are no chances anymore. I tried again, but I'm done trying. Last time I said I still felt like talking to him and trying again. This time, it's not happening, 'cause I honestly don't feel like it. And that's the bottom line. But I really need to tell him all of what he did. Tbh, I took off school earlier today and I thought about talking to him to see if we could see each other, but I'm not really motivated to stay 1h20min inside a bus just to do that. I'm still trying to figure out a way to do it so I can feel at least a little better, which is something none of you could help me with, sorry.

 

 

I just don't want to spend the saturday night alone. That will be really horrible for me. I don't have anyone to go out with and you can't imagine how much it sucks to stay home during saturday nights, 'cause there's a club (for old people) right beside my house and it sucks so much (it's so loud too) that I feel obligated to go anywhere on these days. Just this saturday. The next one my best friend will be back and I'm sure we'll spend some time outside. I just don't want to be alone.

 

You know what... Boo FRICKING HOO.

 

I moved to a whole new country and left my family and friends behind. I knew the sacrifice I was making at the time and I had PLENTY of Saturdays alone. But at least I had a sense of dignity, self-respect, and at least a high enough self-esteem to know that I'd rather Netflix and have a 6-pack of beer than to spend my weekend with a guy who I knew was lying to me... because a weekend alone would be HORRIBLE.

 

Are you kidding me? You keep lying to yourself like that. Let's see what happens after this weekend.

 

You don't get to tell me how much it sucks to be alone on a Saturday night when for 2-3 years I had to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas' alone while my party would call me on the phone and tell me how much they missed me and wished I was home.

 

My first year alone, I had a 6 pack of Bud Light and Papa Johns pizza for Thanksgiving and you are talking to me about ONE miserable meaningless weekend and how much it would suck to be alone?

 

I have no sympathy for you. ZERO. Because you are bringing this pain on yourself. You can try to sit here and convince us until your face is blue about how it won't go past this weekend. But the reason why you are spending this weekend with him is because deep down inside, you HOPE, you PRAY, you WISH that he will turn it around and try to convince you that the two of you are good together.

 

You don't want to spend the weekend alone? Go join a Meetup group. Go donate some of your time to a soup kitchen or do some other volunteer work. Go hit up the library, do some cleaning... but this PIECE OF CRAP excuse about how you need to spend the weekend with someone who will drag you across the carpet, face-first is a CROCK.

 

And it's the sole reason why I'll not waste any more of my time on you. So you can be happy about that. You can be happy that there are strangers out there in this world that care more about you than the dumbass you want to spend your weekend with. So you know what, you go talk to him, spend your weekend with him. Drag your feelings/emotions/self-respect through the mud. Everything that happens to you with him... YOU DESERVE.

 

Because I'm all for people standing up in what they believe in but when they are willing to just put all of that aside for the sake of a liar and want to pretend like everything is okay, I can't feel bad for that person.

 

And you're right. None of us can help you because we can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

 

I'd love nothing more than a moderator to walk in here and close this thread in order to save the next person some time of trying to get through to you. It's pointless, just like your relationship, just like your boyfriend. Why you posted here, is BEYOND me. You don't want advice. You don't want counsel. You just want to be pitied. You just want attention. You just want someone to feel sorry for you and I'll be damned if anyone else does that from my post on.

 

You do what you need to do. As we say in my culture, no one learns from other's mistakes. Who in the hell even says "I'm going to dump someone, so I'll just spend the WHOLE weekend with them?"

 

You do you, because he already did you. And he'll keep doing you. You think the ball is in you court, but you didn't even realize the game was over a long time ago.

 

Best of luck, you're going to need it and then some.

Just do us all a favor and at least have him wrap it up this weekend.

 

Diezel, out.

[WhatIsLove2014]

You know what... Boo FRICKING HOO.

 

I have no sympathy for you. ZERO. Because you are bringing this pain on yourself. You can try to sit here and convince us until your face is blue about how it won't go past this weekend. But the reason why you are spending this weekend with him is because deep down inside, you HOPE, you PRAY, you WISH that he will turn it around and try to convince you that the two of you are good together.

 

You don't want to spend the weekend alone? Go join a Meetup group. Go donate some of your time to a soup kitchen or do some other volunteer work. Go hit up the library, do some cleaning... but this PIECE OF CRAP excuse about how you need to spend the weekend with someone who will drag you across the carpet, face-first is a CROCK.

 

 

I am inclined to agree. I'm sorry but you can't spend a weekend alone. It's so sad to see these women desperate for companionship that they will stay with their jerk off partners. I did it so I understand but my ex-bf didn't lie to me (that I knew of), didn't treat me horribly, didn't abuse me...but the fact that this man is OBVIOUSLY lying to you and you are finding out yet you still want to spend the weekend with him because you will be LONELY! I would be running to get away from this scum! RUNNING! Yet you are trying to hold off for an explanation and to avoid having a lonely weekend. wow, that is truly sad.

[Haerts]

I just broke up with him, through a voicemail. He didn't reply yet, not sure he will, but I'm done. You're all right. Deep down, the feeling that he would suddenly change and make me feel loved again just like he used to didn't disappear. I'm still dreaming about the times everything seemed so special and wonderful, but he's another person now and it's not fair to myself to keep pushing something that I'm done with.

 

I'm sad about the way you were talking to me, really. I'm only 24 but I've been through a lot. I was in depression for 8 years of my life, with no friends, no expectations of a better life, nothing, I was all alone. My parents never noticed, never cared. It hurts so much just to have the thought of going back to that place I was one day, where I would lock myself in my room the entire day just browsing random stuff in internet and often thinking about suiciding.

 

I went through it. I've been through a lot of heartaches. I've been heartbroken a few times before and while I know it's hard, I also know that eventually everything is going to be okay and I'll get to meet someone new and hopefully someone who really cares about me.

 

I still like him very much, the idea that a last weekend would do for me was stupid, I agree. At the end of the day, this weekend would just become memories again of someone who was making me second best.

 

While I still think you were being too harsh, I know it was for the best. Honestly, all I wanted was to vent. I'm feeling okay, soon enough I know I'll cry some and especially during the weekend. But at least I'll be starting to move forward.

 

Thank you guys for your support.

[Gaeta]

You did the right thing !!! Be proud of yourself !!! I know it hurts but it's temporary, we all go through this pain when we leave someone, even the someones that were bad for us.

 

You took control of your life, congratulations!!!

 

To meet someone special you have to clean the place and make some space in your life to welcome him. You have to do that with some dignity and pride left in you. If you had spent the weekend with him he would have stripped you of the little bit that was left in you.

 

Now make plans for this weekend. Go visit a friend, go out of town, go watch 2 movies and fill yourself M & M and Ice cream. Allow yourself to mourn the end of this dysfunctional relationship and Monday is the first day of your new life as a young attractive woman!

[Haerts]

Thank you so much, that's inspiring. I'm feeling so down right now, I can't stop crying, there's a headache killing me and a voice inside my brain that keeps screaming: "and it failed again". It's so hard to believe that one day things will work for me, they never do. I'm sure that while it feels hopeless right now, eventually I'll start allowing myself to meet someone new. Great things are coming for me, next year I'll study a year abroad in another country and at least now there's no more headache regarding a boyfriend that never even trusted me in the first place. No hope right now, but in time it will come... ty again.

[mightycpa]

I bet he drives a really nice car, though.

Which just proves the point that even THIS GUY doesn't drive a P.O.S. he calls a "car"