girlfriend tells you she'd like to get drunk - would you be upset?

[Jbum5]

Nobody is advocating letting your gf get sloshed and blacking out or whatever. We're advocating you not being such a dick about it. You're acting like you own her. If you really want to be a good bf, take her to a bar and both of you drink responsibly.

 

Sorry but you're being a huge toolbag. Trust and control issues are not attractive. You're going to lose this girl if you keep acting like this, so take the stick out of your backside and be a little more open minded.

 

you've posted three times in this thread and each time you conveniently miss the fact that we are in long-distance and she'd be getting drunk and blacking out WITHOUT me. are you a blockhead ironZ? because it seems like you're the one being the major dick here.

 

how do you propose i take her out to a bar and drink together if i'm in f ucking kentucky and she's in oregon?

[SawtoothMars]

Well, I'm not an advocate for drug use (I've never, ever even tried smoking a joint), I certainly have not drank to the point where I blacked out and/or woke up somewhere I didn't start at.

Yes, I do agree that if you are gonna party, you gotta be responsible. I've known of several females who cried "rape" then recanted to cover up cheating. Also, if you are not in control of yourself, yes, you are gonna be easy prey for rapist and jerks.

 

Uh... isn't that illegal?

[mightycpa]

Get her drunk then. DUH!

 

Don't be such a stick in the mud. Who would you like her to get drunk with?

[IronZ]

you've posted three times in this thread and each time you conveniently miss the fact that we are in long-distance and she'd be getting drunk and blacking out WITHOUT me. are you a blockhead ironZ? because it seems like you're the one being the major dick here.

 

how do you propose i take her out to a bar and drink together if i'm in f ucking kentucky and she's in oregon?

 

I didn't know you're in a long distance relationship. I'm replying to specific posts here and there. Here's a clue then, instead of expecting me to know everything about your life, how about replying to one of my posts specifically and letting me know that instead of this aggressive tone you're doing now. I'm here posting because I'm trying to help you. Calling me a blockhead just shows me you don't want any help.

 

Which is my point exactly. All you do is drive people away. And that's exactly what you're going to do to this girl. You honestly can't trust your own girlfriend enough to let her live her life? Go ahead. Keep being an a-hole. See how far you get in your relationship.

 

Next time don't ask us for help if you're just going to be a little bitch about it and attack us.

[Jbum5]

I didn't know you're in a long distance relationship. I'm replying to specific posts here and there. Here's a clue then, instead of expecting me to know everything about your life, how about replying to one of my posts specifically and letting me know that instead of this aggressive tone you're doing now. I'm here posting because I'm trying to help you. Calling me a blockhead just shows me you don't want any help.

 

Which is my point exactly. All you do is drive people away. And that's exactly what you're going to do to this girl. You honestly can't trust your own girlfriend enough to let her live her life? Go ahead. Keep being an a-hole. See how far you get in your relationship.

 

Next time don't ask us for help if you're just going to be a little bitch about it and attack us.

 

Reread every post I have written and you see that I mention that I'm in a long distance. You really are a blockhead.

[IronZ]

Yeah I'm not going to do that. I'm done helping people like you.

[Anderlie]

OP your trust issues are your issues, not your girlfriend's. Shrugging your shoulders and saying 'well I have major trust issues so she needs to conform to that' is lazy and selfish. If you feel like you can't trust her for doing a really common thing that usually ends with no major issues then that's on you. Get therapy, get whatever help you need so you don't have the insane need to punish this poor girl for just being human.

[HereNorThere]

Dude, people get drunk and want to get drunk. Not everyone, but a lot of people do. This relationship isn't going to work because you're conservative, controlling and borderline obsessive about her own personal conduct.

 

She's going to do it regardless, but she's way more likely to cheat or do something to spite you if she resents you for trying to be her Mom.

 

I'm sure one day you'll get your God fearing, virgin bride. I hear the Middle East is a good place for you to start.

[organizedchaos]

Sounds like half of you are talking like getting drunk and blacking out is no biggie. No concern for the safety of your gf either. Not even classy. Pisses me off just reading the amount of lets-get-drunk endorsers.

 

Drinking socially is acceptable, but blatantly getting drunk and blacking out? No. Not classy at all.

 

I agree with the last post only. My ex was a heavy drinker and a drug user. Can't blame me for having trust issues, especially when it's long distance.

 

Who said anything about blacking out? You didn't in your original post. Getting drunk is not the same as blacking out.

 

You still have issues dude. Seek professional help.

[Chemist]

Yeah man. This is unacceptable. Break up with her! Do it now.

 

 

 

For she deserves someone better than the douchebag you appear to be. Wow, you're a tool.

[umirano]

This thread is overflowing from condescending non-advice. Throw in some nastiness and completely unwarranted name calling directed at the OP for coming to a forum and simply asking for opinions.

 

IronZ, you're simply lazy to read what people post and then evade to attacking them instead of addressing your own shortcomings. Yeah, stop giving advice, you clearly need to grow up yourself before anything.

 

organizedchaos, Anderlie, really, for raising a concern and not immediately agreeing with you OP needs professional help? Ridiculous posts.

 

Do you really think the OP will be able to improve his situation with the garbage that you reply with? LS can do better than this.

 

I can only reiterate what I said earlier OP. You can't and shouldn't stop her from doing whatever she wants to do. It's a) not working and b) it shouldn't work like that. You can't police her for the rest of your life (if your RS ends up being long term). That's not how RS work.

 

Look, if she feels you're pressuring her into not doing something she really wants to do she'll likely start scheming you and you'll have a very hard time finding out what's really going on. Just let her do her thing but be sure she knows you'd like to know what's going on. My ex frequently told me she's going to get high with xxx and at some point even told me she's going to do ecstasy with a friend's mother. What do you think I felt like? I googled and found that ecstasy is often used in the context of orgies. Awesome. I didn't forbid her to go and do that. I told her to make sure she stays hydrated. She was just immature. She said I want to know what it's like. And WRT to the cannabis she always said, nothing is going to happen, I'll stay the same person, I won't become a whore, etc. I was semi-relaxed only though.

 

If she cheats there will be other signs which you can identify, even at long distance. You will find out and you will (hopefully) just dump her on the spot.

 

For now give her some leash but be a careful observer. Just casually ask her who she's been drinking with, how much she drank, etc. Like you'd ask a buddy or whatever. If she loses her phone and only gets in contact with you two days after the drinking she probably blacked out and thus you should be more concerned. If she texts you the next morning at nine "Hey i had a great night with <GFs> bla bla bla" you can relax. For now.

[umirano]

Yeah man. This is unacceptable. Break up with her! Do it now.

 

 

 

For she deserves someone better than the douchebag you appear to be. Wow, you're a tool.

 

The tool is you.

 

WTF is wrong with you people? Can't you just disagree without painting the OP as a mental case? Useless comment with no substance, chemist

[Toodaloo]

BTW, I was planning on doing that this weekend, but mum will be home...I hate my life

 

Gah I gave up behaving in front of my mother a very long time ago...

 

One of my memorable "moments" I cleaned out the local pub of brandy and started on the whiskey just before Christmas so they had to get up early to get more for the puds that were being served with the next days meals!!! I ended up sleeping on the dogs bed by the Rayburn in the kitchen... The dogs didn't seem to mind... My arm was in plaster and I was in a neck brace - was the first time I was out of pain for weeks!!!

 

The following day I went out for a walk to try and clear my head as it was very murky and some friends popped in to check I was ok... Mother told them not to worry I was perfectly capable of looking after myself when drunk as a skunk, I was out for a walk and I was probably having a quiet kip in a ditch somewhere...

 

... No sympathy at all the evil woman Can you guess she is also tee total... unless we manage to sneak one in and those are other stories...!

 

As long as you can stop before you start throwing up/ get to a sensible place before you throw up, you don't get aggressive, or behave in such a manner on a weekly basis/ drink the milk money etc and are not being a complete pain in the botty why not have a few and dispel some cobwebs every now and then?

 

I am bad enough when sober so my little "moments" are normally remembered for years...

[umirano]

Let's have a look at the OP really, and let's try without name calling but with a sober analysis (pun intended), shall we?

 

hi everyone-

 

to keep it short, if it's out of character for your girlfriend to get drunk

Did your GF never drink before? Or never to the point where she was "drunk". What do you mean by "drunk". Tipsy? Vomiting?

 

, and she suggests that she'd like to do that, with or without you (the boyfriend), is it reasonable for you to be upset or am i overreacting here?

Being upset is not something deserving of eternal damnation. That doesn't mean we're always rightfully upset. You're probably upset because you fear for your RS with her. Maybe you feel she's not relying on you for this, and you don't like it. Or you don't like the "getting drunk" idea all together. Do you drink yourself?

 

two things bother me about this:

1. it's out of her character to do such a thing, regardless whether she is going through a life crises or not - "getting drunk" is just not her thing.

If she's in a crisis, or your RS is in a crisis I'd say this is very bad news.

 

2. i feel like it's disrespect to me and the relationship since i think most people would agree that

Whether or not it's disrespectful depends on a few other things too:

if their gf or bf proposed to randomly get drunk without them

But with somebody else, and if so with who? Ex BF? Her BFF?

 

it would make them uncomfortable?

I know that it makes me uncomfortable under certain circumstances. Getting drunk with whoever under any circumstances is not something I find particulary helpful in all RS situations that I know. So, yes, I can think of situations where I'd be upset.

 

this is something reasonable to get upset about yeah?

Circumstances. Getting wasted to celebrate a GF's graduation and getting home at three in the morning and being hung over and vomiting the next day is probably not the greatest achievement that she's capable of. But it does happen. I do it and a lot of people I know do it.

 

If she is upset with you and is looking for some alcohol fueled diversion and maybe knows you won't be excited you have a rather dangerous mix of circumstances. Her wanting to get drunk could be a sign of her demonstrating her power and risking your trust at the same time. Maybe willingly so.

 

Those are all speculations, so you really need to just sit back and relax. From KY there's not much you can do anyway. She's your GF. Trust her or don't. If you don't, leave her. If you do, just make sure she's not fooling you.

[Chemist]

The tool is you.

 

WTF is wrong with you people? Can't you just disagree without painting the OP as a mental case? Useless comment with no substance, chemist

 

I disagree Umirano. I offered advice, and many people did, that were IMO, legitamite advice and good advice. You can not control someone. You can only be there teammate. It is a little mistrusting, selfish, and immature to get mad if your legal age girl friend, who apparently never drinks most of the time, to want to go out and get drunk.

 

Now, you said we are hostile *******s and tools, but lets look at the post line where we all just disagree, because he's wrong.

 

Sounds like half of you are talking like getting drunk and blacking out is no biggie. No concern for the safety of your gf either. Not even classy. Pisses me off just reading the amount of lets-get-drunk endorsers.

 

Drinking socially is acceptable, but blatantly getting drunk and blacking out? No. Not classy at all.

 

I agree with the last post only. My ex was a heavy drinker and a drug user. Can't blame me for having trust issues, especially when it's long distance.

 

Gets angry at us for not affirming his control issues as normal. Changes the story to getting blackout and not just being drunk. Very different. Also doesn't realize he's using his relationship with his ex as justification for this behavior. OP clearly wasn't over the hurts from his last relationship and probably shouldn't have started dating yet. He wasn't ready for it, clearly.

 

you've posted three times in this thread and each time you conveniently miss the fact that we are in long-distance and she'd be getting drunk and blacking out WITHOUT me. are you a blockhead ironZ? because it seems like you're the one being the major dick here.

 

how do you propose i take her out to a bar and drink together if i'm in f ucking kentucky and she's in oregon?

 

First insult of the thread when he calls ironZ a blockhead.

Edited October 17, 2014 by Chemist

[Anderlie]

I don't see anything wrong with suggesting someone with severe trust issues seek help. I imagine OP will find the relationship and himself a lot better afterwards. As it stands he should really have sorted this out even before getting into another relationship. The next partner does not deserve to bear the cross of the previous one.

[umirano]

I disagree Umirano. I offered advice, and many people did, that were IMO, legitamite advice and good advice. You can not control someone. You can only be there teammate. It is a little mistrusting, selfish, and immature to get mad if your legal age girl friend, who apparently never drinks most of the time, to want to go out and get drunk.

He didn't say he was mad. He asked whether or not it's ok to be upset. You're not the only one, but twisting the OPs words is rampant in this thread.

 

Gets angry at us for not affirming his control issues as normal.

You're affirming control issues where I see a normal level of concern. Esp given his history. You cannot blame a person for what he/she experienced. You can blame someone for how he applies his experience. We have no reason to think that he even addressed the issue with his GF. So why all the attacks? He's seeking advice. He didn't say he accused her of going to cheat, or whatever it is that gets you all up in arms.

 

Changes the story to getting blackout and not just being drunk. Very different.

He hasn't a story to begin with. He asks about "her getting drunk". While that's unspecific, blacking out is also "being drunk". Putting up different scenarios for debate and explaining why he disagrees is not changing the story.

 

Also doesn't realize he's using his relationship with his ex as justification for this behavior.

What behavior??? He asked a simple question. Why do you think he acted? Isn't that the point of this forum? Asking for advice and then act? Why do you assume he's already acted in a way that warrants the offensive and non-constructive name calling that's taking place here?

 

OP clearly wasn't over the hurts from his last relationship and probably shouldn't have started dating yet. He wasn't ready for it, clearly.

More baseless assumptions. It isn't about "hurts" from a past relationship. It has nothing to do whether he's ready for the RS. He may be or he may not be. It's about a GF announcing she'll get drunk without her BF. That's all we know. We don't know what level of drunkenness she's talking about. We don't know how long they're together. We don't know how long this past RS he referenced is over. He might have had 3 GFs in between. You're jumping to conclusions based on mere assumptions that have no relevance to the OP's problem.

 

 

First insult of the thread when he calls ironZ a blockhead.

Incorrect. IronZ calls him a toolbag in #25.

[umirano]

I don't see anything wrong with suggesting someone with severe trust issues seek help. I imagine OP will find the relationship and himself a lot better afterwards. As it stands he should really have sorted this out even before getting into another relationship. The next partner does not deserve to bear the cross of the previous one.

 

BS, you clearly haven't read the OP carefully. And like chemist you're jumping to conclusions without evidence for any of your assumptions. I think you're the one who needs professional help. Pathologizing random people over a fairly normal question they post doesn't seem like the healthiest behavior.

[Chemist]

BS, you clearly haven't read the OP carefully. And like chemist you're jumping to conclusions without evidence for any of your assumptions. I think you're the one who needs professional help. Pathologizing random people over a fairly normal question they post doesn't seem like the healthiest behavior.

 

Okay, on title alone:

 

I would not be upset.

 

Can someone be upset, sure.

Do you have a right to be, well it's just an emotional response sure.

Do you have a right to tell her you're upset, sure.

Does she need to live her life to not upset you, no.

Can she go out and get drunk without feeling guilty, absolutely, her life.

 

I guess what OP really needs to consider is that whether or not he can deal with this aspect because you can't and shouldn't force someone to be something or act in someway that isn't them.

 

I think it says something to you and your view of your relationship if you don't trust her. It doesn't matter what happened in the past with other girls, because she isn't that girl. You carrying around baggage you don't need too and maybe this will be good practice for you to grow as a partner in the relationship.

[Diezel]

 

this is something reasonable to get upset about yeah?

 

Objection... leading the witness.

 

Here's my problem with this thread. It was made not to actually gauge responses and opinions, it was made fishing for similar opinions while anything else is dismissed.

 

OP, if you aren't okay with it, does it really matter what the rest of LS thinks? We aren't you. We aren't the sum of your personality. So, if you aren't going to take every piece of opinion and consider it, maybe this thread doesn't deserve to exist.

 

I'm not saying it's pointless, but the intent for it is muddled and people are just not going to see eye to eye with you. But there are people that are going to exactly agree with you.

 

Take the good with the bad. If you don't like your girlfriend to do this, you are well within your right, but she is well within her right to do whatever she wants to as well. It works both ways.

[d0nnivain]

you've posted three times in this thread and each time you conveniently miss the fact that we are in long-distance and she'd be getting drunk and blacking out WITHOUT me.

 

You have changed the story. Your original post said your GF told you she was planning to get drunk. It did not say she already had. Nor did you originally mention anything about blacking out.

 

You also left out a very important piece of info: that your last GF used to get drunk & cheat on you.

 

To me, getting drunk means consuming more alcohol then you can drive up to perhaps losing some coordination, giggling & talking too loudly. Once you start with the passing out & the black outs it's a different level.

 

I still see no problem whatsoever with a few drinks, with or without a partner. Again drinking in and of itself is not cheating.

 

You were burned by a prior GF & in your mind drinking will lead to cheating because that is what happened to you the last time. Hence you are upset.

 

Rather than start acting like your BF's father or jailer, talk to her. Explain what happened with your last GF. Tell her your fears. Get clarification from her about what getting drunk means. If it's a few drinks with her BFFs & some giggling, downshift. Perhaps she will agree to call you around midnight or snap a few photos / selfies so you can see she's having fun but not being outrageous.

[thefooloftheyear]

If you are older than, like 16....its kind of a dumb proclamation..

 

TFY

[IronZ]

Incorrect. IronZ calls him a toolbag in #25.

 

Yeah nice try, but my so called insult wasn't even an insult. Read my posts again very carefully. I offered him advice TWICE within this thread, and twice it was ignored. He just kept on posting about all his little insecurities and control issues.

 

So then I posted this (and I'm quoting myself directly here): "Sorry but you're being a huge toolbag. Trust and control issues are not attractive."

 

That's not an insult. I was trying to hit him with the truth. He then goes on a tangent about how I should know all this information he didn't provide me with earlier (and seemingly changed up his story), and then started attacking me when all I was doing was offering good advice.

 

You know what the problem is here? He's not looking for advice. He doesn't want to hear it. He's a little man with huge problems and all he wants is to justify his actions. If you actually bother to read through these posts you'll see that he gets belligerent with anyone who has a different opinion than him.

 

And for you to suggest that I shouldn't be helping anyone on this site is very childish and petty of you. Grow up.

[Jbum5]

Losing some coordination and giggling is called tipsy.

 

Drunk is next level. Blackout is outcome. Simple is that.

 

I read your advice but right from the first response was accusations of jealousy, control, and whatnot.

 

Could have just said "no, you don't need to be mad because..." comfort was enough, but the negativity and insults just aggravated me. Get it?

 

Anyways, if you were in a relationship and you even gave a **** about losing someone you'd know that you at least bring it up. Up to this point I've only posted here and brought no mention to her yet. Calm your horses.

 

I came to ask for advice and so far I think maybe 3 replies were helpful out of 50.

[Haydn]

Well lets all calm down and have a swift half. (Nearly last orders) haven`t you got homes to go to, etc...

 

Seems like she wants to find out how it feels? Maybe you could suggest that you both do it when you next meet?

 

 

 

 

 

Losing some coordination and giggling is called tipsy.

 

Drunk is next level. Blackout is outcome. Simple is that.

 

I read your advice but right from the first response was accusations of jealousy, control, and whatnot.

 

Could have just said "no, you don't need to be mad because..." comfort was enough, but the negativity and insults just aggravated me. Get it?

 

Anyways, if you were in a relationship and you even gave a **** about losing someone you'd know that you at least bring it up. Up to this point I've only posted here and brought no mention to her yet. Calm your horses.

 

I came to ask for advice and so far I think maybe 3 replies were helpful out of 50.