Kimbak Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Hi, this is my first thread. I am not even sure where to start. I do come from a abusive childhood. My father was a mental abuser & my mom was physical. My uncle sexually abused me when I was 7 or 8 years. So I grew up pretty in dark and did not have a great childhood. I met my husband when I was 21 years old and he is 8 years older than me. Regardless of my past, I have always worked hard, went to university, had great jobs with good pay. I love my husband, I have been totally honest with him from day one. I don't drink, do drugs, just cigarettes and I quite! No gambling. Nothing. Same thing for him. Never cheated on him & hopefully he didn't either. When we got married in 2002, we bought our house, I got pregnant with my daughter. And coming from middle eastern, my in laws didn't take it well. I had a c-section and my husband asked him mother to stay and give me a hand with the baby, I was only 25 years old. The second day, upon my husband arrival from work, my mother in law started crying her eyes out, taking off on the street (I was upstairs feeding the baby). All I know is my husband walk in our bedroom and punch a hole in the wall. Then the family fight started. My sister in law started by saying I didn't say hello to them, or I didn't do this or that. All of this happening within couple of days of giving birth. I dived into serious depression. Husband wouldn't talk to me for months. We only had 1 car and he would take it to work, come home watch his tv and leave for valley all club or soccer (all of these suggested by his mom & sister). I raised the child and decided to hid the work force after 10 months of mat-leave rather than 12 months (I live in canada). Still our marriage pretty cold from his side, but for the sake of the kid, I did my best. I decided to have a second child. I believe in siblings and it is cruel to be an only child. My husband disagreed and I tricked him into it by saying I am on birth control. When our son was born, it was same story. No one from his side ever acknowledge my existence or the kids. My husband constantly would tell me that he didn't want a 2nd one & I am on my own for caring (which I did) but I wanted him to stop saying it just in case god takes him away from me. My husband is a very hard working man. I know he loves his children and he cares about me. After all these years I hope he does! But now, his father is on the latest stages of dementia. The mom is mentally suffering. I tried to be the bigger & better person, to call her from time to time. Buy her some gifts etc - from experience it is not easy. But lately those pain, griefs caused by them has come and hunt me. I am on depression meds, but those 10 months of crying I did when my daughter was born (11 years ago) has come to surface, and made me loose control couple of time, but yesterday I lost control. Ripped all my wedding pictures, called his mom and asked why? She just told me because he was depressed and took it on me! I have become resentful towards my husband being there for his parents now that they need him. He has his phone with him everywhere we go. He jumps upon receiving a call. He leaves whenever she calls. I have said pretty hurtful things to him lately, broke his heart and ask for separation. I told him that the past has come to haunt me and I can't forgive him or his family for all the pain they have caused. I can't forgive him for not supporting me after both of our kids were born. I have been crying for 48 hrs straight. I look like a walking zombie. I hate seeing my kids sad. They are my total existence. Without them, there is no purpose of living for me. I breath for them, we have fun together, laugh play, study, go out, bake cook.... They are my everything. What do I do? Do I break this marriage? I can't let go the past... We have been seeing a marriage counsellor since may 2014 and it is not working. I look at him and he makes me angry. As per bedroom, our sex life sucks. I am not in any mood for the past year. It has been more like a chore than enjoyment. I refuse to go out on a date with him, I take the kids everywhere we go. I have been out of this marriage for the past year, when his parents moved in our city. Help!
Klipper Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Hello Kimbak I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I can relate to some of what you said and I understand what your going threw. It is always harder to deal with a broken marriage when you have kids involved, to me the kids come first and everything else is secondary. Is that the proper way to think of things? I don't know but it's the way most parents minds work I think. I understand why you have some resentment towards his family and it is easier said then done but sometimes you have to try to let go of the pain and bitterness and move ahead (easy to say but hard to do) holding things in only leads to more pain in the long run. I don't really know what else to say since I'm currently going threw the same thing at the moment, just give your kids a big hug and try to stay strong in front of them. It's ok to cry, it helps. 1
elgringo Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 It sounds like its not your fault so you shouldnt feel guilty. You have been going to marriage counseling but it is not working. Maybe its time to end the marriage. Dont stay in a miserable marriage just for your children.
Author Kimbak Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 Hi Klipper, thanks for replying. I will for sure hug them I love them so much and want the best for them. But i grew up with parents constantly fighting and it's horrible! I don't want them to see me erupt constantly like i've been doing for the past couple of months and specially this past weekend. I need to be on my own and think... real hard. I hope your problems get easier and find a solution. Have a good evening
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