venusishername Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 (edited) I read a quote in a blog that really hit me today: "A lack of intimacy is not distance from someone else, it is disregard for yourself.” How To Love Yourself The Way You?d Love Somebody Else | Thought Catalog I have been struggling for YEARS now with fear of intimacy and I didn't even know it until just recently. I suffered emotional and verbal abuse by my only two long term relationships (which is an understatement). I have since been single for over three years. I have not had a truly intimate connection with any man since my last long term bf. I don't make it past date three or four... Since my breakup, I have had a string of casual and short lived interactions with men. Most have ended because I ran away from people who were interested in pursuing something serious, or I've been drawn to the ones who are purely looking for something casual. I've met maybe three men over the past three years that I was truly really interested in pursuing something with... and those have turned out to be the ones completely unavailable to me (for various reasons). I even willingly participated in an affair with a taken man for a short time... because I was lonely, he validated me, and made me feel desirable. I was drawn to him because he was unavailable and he gave me everything I wanted at a superficial level but would never get into my heart and therefore never make me feel too vulnerable. I've had a lot of 'empty calories' with men and I'm tired of it. I'm really becoming ready for something more substantial but I'm still not completely there. This quote made me reflect on what I might be doing wrong, rather than displacing the blame on others for my lack of intimacy. Just recently, I decided to stop 'fighting' or 'trying' to find someone that I could have something 'REAL' with. I started being more open and friendly, even just smiling at someone on the street if I thought he was attractive, not being afraid to initiate conversations with the opposite sex if I was interested, and just in general not caring about fitting into a mold or conforming with all my friends who are coupled/married/kids. A few weeks ago, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself that I'm single and lonely most of the time and just EMBRACE IT! I've been embracing being LONELY, as crazy as that sounds. And you know what, I'm not as lonely anymore!! I have a friend who said she's felt sorry for me because I was the only single person in our group of friends.... and I told her that was really my choice (because it has been)! It's been a process, and I've learned a lot about myself along the way! I know we all suffer with intimacy issues at points in our lives: curious to hear others' thoughts/stories/tips... Edited October 15, 2014 by venusishername
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