Should I let him initiate all contact?

[CharlieFox]

Congratulations on showing him just how much you're interested in him. You say you are, but actions speak louder than words, and your actions are showing him you're not interested.

 

Now continue to sit back on your chair waiting for him to magically read your mind, and watch him fade away finding someone who shows him just how much they're interested in him.

[Redhead14]

Congratulations on showing him just how much you're interested in him. You say you are, but actions speak louder than words, and your actions are showing him you're not interested.

 

Now continue to sit back on your chair waiting for him to magically read your mind, and watch him fade away finding someone who shows him just how much they're interested in him.

 

Yes, you need to at least reciprocate the interest. Why would a man want to pursue a woman if he's not getting enough signs from you to know you're interested. He doesn't want to get hurt either. You respond and contact in a balanced way. He's initiated dates with you, you know for sure he's interested on some level.

[d0nnivain]

Just thought I'd add that I have been initiating contact, just not dates. Before it was every other day I was contacting him and he was contacting me.

I just let him initiate dates as I was making sure hes interested and also slightly traditional like that.

Although every date we've had he has NOT paid, we split the bill on everything.

 

Also I wanted to wait to see if he would contact after saturday to see if he was only interested in sex, because on saturday night when he asked me to stay over and I told him I wasn't ready for that, he got kind of pissed off. I don't know whether he was insulted that maybe I thought he would push me for sex, or maybe because he wasn't going to get any??

But I ended up staying as he said he just wanted us to watch a movie and spend more time together. And it was really late for me to get home at that point. also may I add, all 3 dates took place near where he lives or works, I am the one who has gone out of my way not him.

 

I don't know if hes dating others (and he must be if he hasnt contacted me for 3 days or asked me out for this week), which is why I'm afraid of putting myself out there if he hasn't.

 

Your original Q was should you let him initiate ALL contact. With a Q like that based on the information you provided at first no one could know that you have been calling him. We can only give you assistance & insight based on what you tell us.

 

If you have been contacting him but he has been the only one initiating dates, that is a bit different then you sitting around expecting him to do everything.

 

If he got pissed when you set boundaries, why did you stay?

 

My original advice still stands, if you like him, pick up the phone & arrange a date that is convenient for you that you pay for.

 

At this point I'm only suggesting you put some money at risk, not your heart / feelings yet.

[IronZ]

^ Her story has seemed to change from her first post to this one. At the beginning she wasn't contacting him at all and now she's been trying apparently? I don't get it.

 

Based on the first post, this guy thinks she's not interested in him at all. She was playing hard to get and setting boundaries. They both haven't contacted the other in like a week. In his mind if he initiates contact then it means he's weak and seeking her attention. It means she gets to lord herself over him and it makes him submissive.

 

OP you need to be the one to call him and set a date. Show him you want to see him.

[jack20]

You are over complicating things. Just call him and plan an outing like was said. It shows that you're interested and if anything, will put your mind at ease if he's interested or not. I always hate it when I have to always plan these things even if it's in the beginning. Just make more of an effort of planning things too. Since you've had a few dates (even on the 3rd date you could have asked if he was doing anything on (insert day here) to plan for the next meeting) you can ask him out as he's been doing all the "work" so far.

[KatZee]

Oh for heaven's sake. At this point I bet this guy thinks you are not into him & he's chasing you to a dead end. You have done nothing but take, take, take. If all he wanted was sex, he probably wouldn't have wasted the time to let you sleep over. Without you there he could have at least self pleasured.

 

If you like him & would like to see him again, be mature & proactive. Pick up the phone to use the voice features & ask him to join you for a date. You plan it & you pay for it.

 

If you just want your ego stroked while you sit there & do nothing, continue what you are doing.

 

This.

 

He's DONE all the leading this far. Throw the guy a freaking bone already. You're game playing. Nothing more. Guys WANT to hear from you. They WANT to know you're into them.

 

The last taste this guy has of you is that you told him nothing was going to happen and you haven't talked to him since.

 

He's inititaed all three dates. What exactly are you waiting for him to do here?

Edited October 16, 2014 by KatZee

[sunshinelove]

You mean... kinda like staying at someone's house (implied sex) and then outright saying nothing is going to happen?

 

NOT confusing at all.

 

Of course he was pissed. What guy has a girl stay over and announce that sex isn't happening only to be met with a parade?

 

You are part of the problem. You were part of the situation to begin with. Why would you go there or even tempt the scenario? You going and staying over sends men a CLEAR message and when you overtly state that it's not going to happen... it dictates a shift in the frame and pulls the rug out from under our feet.

 

If I were him, I wouldn't contact you either. If he had a thread in here about how a girl stayed over but said "no sex", I'd tell him to not try anymore. Simply because everything is going to be on your terms and you get to dictate the flow, there is no "50/50". Not worth the effort. Nothing but a giant tease. I'd much rather a woman go home or not come over until she is ready. If you weren't ready to be at his place, you should have changed the venue.

 

Actually I told him I wasn't going to stay over as I didn't want anything to happen, and he insisted I stay over! He knew perfectly well nothing was going to happen before I stayed.

 

I get that my first post isn't very clear, as I rushed it out while I was at work.. My question should have read ' should I let him initiate all contact - from NOW' because I wasn't sure if he was only after sex.

 

Anyway, I'm going to write a new post as I feel this one wasn't clear at all and everyone is judging me for it.

[lil_missy]

Hi op

I'm surprised most ppl are accusing you of not showing ur interest enough. From the way I read it he has lost interest. It's only 3 dates he should be chasing u and trying to impress u.

Sudden drop in contact to me almost always indicates lost in interest. This happened to me a few times for me to know. A guy will not be offended if u don't contact him they go for whAt they want. If they feel unsure about ur interest they will seek clarification from you or jump on the chance if u do contact them. Your guy has done neither. This is painfully obvious to me he has lost interest.

[WhisperingEyeLFC]

Also I do believe in both parties putting the work in, once in a relationship... But I believe the guy should make more effort/chase a little in the beginning so the girl knows how interested he is

I'm in a similar sort of position to you where as the girl i was dating &now trying to get back wanted me to make all the contact/effort & chase her etc like you just mentioned.

 

I'm just curious what you girl's expect from the chase? in the past i've had girl's contact me just as much i did or at least they would make some effort to contact me. I posted something the other day on here about the same sort of thing and i just want to know from your point of view "the girl" what you find nice/what guys do & say to you when they are chasing you?

 

From the guys point of view, i'd prefer a girl to show at least some contact so i know she's interested otherwise i normally back off which is why i messed up with my girl i'm attempting to get back. She expects pretty much exactly what you do.

 

Cheers!