Dated for 9 months, left me for a weekend, slept w/ someone...Now we are dating again

[oasisfancortes]

Basically:

 

My gf and I would have little arguments on a monthly basis.

Sometimes, it was about stuff I had to work on, like my maturity; other times, she was just being moody, and would apologize for the outbursts.

 

She'd always tell me stuff and was honest with me, like if someone made a move on her, or she felt uncomfortable with stuff. She was a good communicator of her feelings and addressing them to me. I never really communicated much b/c I didn't have much to complain about or nothing worth getting into an argument over.

 

She said grew tired of my immaturity, and although she thanked for me everything else I did, she felt unsatisfied with the things she specifically asked me to work on, in which I did not do enough to improve in.

She also admitted having feelings for someone else, and told me the night after she realized it. And after going back and forth on what I thought was unfair of her to inflict that emotional damage to me, and her saying some harsh stuff and saying it was because I didn't do enough to change the little things (I admittedly could have improved on easily, specifically my maturity), we mutually decided to split on a Friday, and work on ourselves, although I emphasized I still wanted her, even as friends, because I felt partially responsible for her falling out of love with me.

 

We actually went back and forth the next day, Saturday, but at the end of the day, she wanted to stay separate.

 

I still felt like it was unfair, although I felt guilty of losing her. Anyway...

 

She calls me 2 days later, says she slept with the coworker she told me she had feelings for, and admitted everything she complained about wasn't fair and that I was right, and was crying because she realized she was wrong after the sex, and that she acted on impulse, and basically begged me to take her back.

 

Should I have done so? Probably not, after everything that happened.

But.

I said I'd giver her a chance.

 

Has anyone ever come into this situation? Almost like cheating? Or completely is?

How does it feel to have an emotional attachment to someone after something like that? What do you think of it?

 

There's more detail to the story, but I just condensed it. I can provide more details

[evanescentworld]

I don't need more details.

She basically broke up with you to sleep with someone else, then came back to you....?

And you took her back....?!

 

NOt a good move, in my book.

 

I'm sorry, she sounds flaky, demanding and completely unreliable.

 

How old are you both....?

[somedude81]

A picture says a thousands words.

 

 

Technically it wasn't cheating. But I still think it's pretty scummy.

[Chi townD]

She said grew tired of my immaturity, and although she thanked for me everything else I did, she felt unsatisfied with the things she specifically asked me to work on, in which I did not do enough to improve in.

She also admitted having feelings for someone else, and told me the night after she realized it. And after going back and forth on what I thought was unfair of her to inflict that emotional damage to me, and her saying some harsh stuff and saying it was because I didn't do enough to change the little things (I admittedly could have improved on easily, specifically my maturity), we mutually decided to split on a Friday, and work on ourselves, although I emphasized I still wanted her, even as friends, because I felt partially responsible for her falling out of love with me.

 

 

She calls me 2 days later, says she slept with the coworker she told me she had feelings for, and admitted everything she complained about wasn't fair and that I was right, and was crying because she realized she was wrong after the sex, and that she acted on impulse, and basically begged me to take her back.

 

 

 

 

 

Look at the bold and let me break it down to you.

 

 

1. She was complaining that YOU didn't change enough. YOU didn't do this, that or the other. Okay, what did SHE do to improve the relationship? Did she expect you to change everything? Here's the deal. She was interested in this other dude and she was pointing out things that she thought you were lacking. She was trying to justify her feelings for this other dude. And in a way, comparing him to you. And also giving herself permission to cheat. Telling herself, "I wouldn't be doing this if he wasn't such an immature jackass."

 

 

2. Two days after the break up, she calls you and states that she slept with someone else. Now, lets think about that. She calls you 2 DAYS LATER. Which means, she slept with someone 24 hours or less from the time she broke up with you!!! She broke up with you and LITERALLY jumped into bed with someone else! No mourning the loss of you! No mourning the loss of the relationship! THAT'S WHAT YOU MEANT TO HER!

 

 

3. So, why does she want to come back? I speculate that when she was with this dude, she discovered that he was only interested in "hitting it and quitting it". He had no interest in pursuing a relationship with her. So, what does she do? She comes running back to her security blanket (you). Her back up plan. I mean, think about it. She thought you were immature and not doing what she thought was important to the relationship? That you weren't the man for her and she tossed you into the gutter. If she was that miserable in your relationship, why run back to it?

 

 

Dude, I think you're getting played. She broke up with and IMMEDIATELY screwed someone else. And, apparently, you can't get mad because "technically" you weren't together when it happened. Don't you love technicalities!

 

 

Dude, If I were you, I would run. If she thinks she made a mistake, then that's a mistake she needs to live with because you don't have to.

Edited October 15, 2014 by Chi townD

[SoThatHappened]

What about this scenario (because I wouldn't put it past a woman like this to entertain):

 

- Maybe she said she slept with another guy to make you jealous and "push" you to change?

 

Either way, if she truly did or truly didn't, run. Someone willing to lie about it or someone willing to, as Chi TownD said, LITTERALLY jump into bed with someone withing 24 hours of breaking up with you, is not someone you want to be with.

[veggirl]

WOW this chick has the balls to call YOU immature?

 

and has you basically justifying her bad behavior by getting you to think you somehow caused it.

 

Classy chick you got there. She dumped you to bang someone else and then he probably wasn't interested in more so guess what you're back in. yay you? No, not really. She sounds like trash, and SHE sounds immature with her "moody outbursts" and blaming you for everything. In what ways are you so horribly immature, anyway?

[loversquarrel]

Guilty people get off on technicalities every day, so in other words technicalities are bs. As others have already stated - she got USED and now she wants you back because right now you are WHAT'S LEFT.

 

I speak from experience. Similarly an ex and I had a break that lasted a week. Within a few days she set up a dating site account, dated a couple guys, blew one of them, all the while trying to keep in contact with me. We decided to get back together, I later discovered she had been chasing one of the aforementioned lads ( the one she blew), and low and behold he doesn't want anything to do with her. I was still around and that guy was long gone. That was enough for me to break up with her for good. Technicalities aside that type of behavior speaks volumes of someones character and you are allowed to tell her to go pound sand.