Help! I'm Trying To Break Up With Him -he"s Stalking Me!and He"s Going Nuts

[fara123]

I have a bit of a problem. You see, I've been dating a man for about over a year and just decided the relationship wasn't getting anywhere. I found I was sad and miserable and he doesn't listen to me. First- he drinks to much, everyday, all day- and when we meet, it's always at a bar or restaurant(with a drink) I am tired of it. He is an alcoholic and a liar and I found out how bad his alcohol habit was after he yelled at me in public, and pushed me, and completely humiliated me in front of people. I decided after that scenario not to ever see him again. That was the worst night! He had a jealous outrage because I was talking to his friend who is my age (I'm 26) and then he assumed that I was trying to pick up his buddy, and he just lashed out at me. I know I did the right thing to leave him because I refuse to be in that sort of a relationship and I saw warning signs in the past but dismissed it as sort of a "He'll change" attitude, and not until I saw his outrage and hidden jealosy did I run.

 

So now, after I wasn't returning his calls, He decides to just keep calling and leaving me messages, so I pick up the phone one day and tell him that I don't think it will work between us, I see no future, I'm too young for this, etc.

 

The nerve of him to call me drunk! He was laughing saying how much he loved me and that it will all work out, and completely ignoring me!! I was so angry and I kept yelling at him, and finally just told him never to call me drunk, and to leave me alone.

 

So the next morning he continues to call, and leaves me a message that I'm probably dating some other guy, etc. then he says in his message, that he'll never call me again.

 

Next morning, he calls. I tell him I need to be alone and to please give me time.

 

Well, the next few days,, silence, then he stops by my school without my consent, and slips a note in my car, with money. As a payback for all the damage done that night.

 

I freaked out because I kinda get the feeling he's stalking me now. So I don't hear from him for about 4 days, and on the fifth day- he calls me and I don't want to pick up the phone, and he calls me not once, twice, but six times in a row!!!! He leaves me 5 messages back to back all saying how he "knows" I'm ignoring his phone calls, and he repeats this message over and over again. Repeating in the message how he Hopes I'm having fun with my new men and etc. Then saying he was coming to my house- etc. (He's actually driven by my house several times to see if my car is parked there-probably in the past- although I don't know it. He's also always comparing himself to my ex-boyfriend saying how he's better, and I'm sick of it.)

 

Needless to say, I'm a wreck and I am afraid. Any guys/girls with the same experience or advice can help me with this issue on a breakup? He is incredibly jealous and he keeps telling me he loves me but I don't love him! I need out bad!!!

 

HELP!!!!

[sweet-oooh]

You poor thing!!

 

Ive never been in this situation, but i think firstly, if hes got a drink and jealousy problem, then youre right to get out of this relationship.

Is this guy older than you?? just the way you explained it, seems like hes older.

think the first thing i would do is change your phone number.

and with his stalking, ie driving by your house etc, are you afraid of him, you went out for over a year, do you think he would harm you?

[Bronzepen]

2 words.

 

Restraining Order.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by Bronzepen

2 words.

 

Restraining Order.

 

Bingo. You'll need to document every single contact and threat he makes, as well.

[blind_otter]

Keep his messages on your machine. Record what he does. Get a restraining order.

 

If you let this go you risk yourself and others around you - safety is an issue.

 

I let my stalked ex go, I would tolerate him coming over at random times, I took his calls for some reason, in retrospect maybe because i was scared of what would happen when I STOPPED taking his calls. He broke into my house and tried to kill a friend of mine, and now he is awaiting sentencing for burglary with battery and looking at 10 years in prison with no option for parole.

 

Please take legal action before anything serious happens.

[Bubbles]

fara123,

 

All of us here KNOW what we are talking about because we have experienced it First Hand. blindotter is NOT lying. Her ex broke into her house out of a jealous rage and did try to kill her friend. My ex broke into my house, followed me around, called me 25 times a day, sat outside my door in the apartment hallway waiting to see me or at least he could listen to my movements inside my house.

 

When your ex is stalking you? You MUST contact the police and acquire a restraining order. Otherwise he will continue. Not always does "ignoring" a person work. Sometimes they get crazy with jealousy a do stupid things because no-one has ever taken action against them by means of a restraining order. At the very least you need to report this to the police just in case something ever does happen at least your complaint against him is registered with the police.

 

If you are afraid......you need to take back control over your own life by reporting him to the proper authorities and communicating that to him. So at least he knows that you mean business when you tell him to stay away from you and to leave you alone.

 

Take back your LIFE!

 

bubbles

[Craig]

Save everything he gives you like notes and things.

 

Record all the voice mails he leaves you.

 

Don't answer his calls.

 

Call the police every single time he tries to make contact.

 

Soon enough there'll be enough evidence to get a restraining order (that sticks) and/or get him arrested for stalking. You have to do this for yourself and to help send a message (to other potential stalkers) that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated. And besides it's your civic duty.

[Fara123]

Thanks guys for the advice. I will put the restraining order. He's already showed up at my house last night and left a note on my car, and I'm getting sick of it. I already am kinda scared because I've never dealt with this. And YES- He is older than me as was asked in previous messages which is making it even harder to deal with I think. I feel obligated to return his phone calls so he'll stop bugging me and I don't know what his reaction will be if I don't return them.

 

Thanks for your advice!

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by Fara123

Thanks guys for the advice. I will put the restraining order. He's already showed up at my house last night and left a note on my car, and I'm getting sick of it. I already am kinda scared because I've never dealt with this. And YES- He is older than me as was asked in previous messages which is making it even harder to deal with I think. I feel obligated to return his phone calls so he'll stop bugging me and I don't know what his reaction will be if I don't return them.

 

Thanks for your advice!

 

I know how you feel....my ex kept calling, if I didn't answer he would "stop by" to make sure I wasn't with anyone....it got very frightening very fast. I am lucky because I have a pit bull mix that attacked my ex when he broke into my house. Without my dog, I wonder what else he would have done, as my ex was also addicted to crack by the time this stalking started.

 

GO TO THE COURTHOUSE TODAY. You can get an emergency protective order, and they will give you a date to go before the courts to get your restraining order. Bring the notes he has left on your car, the money - anything to document the fact that his pursual of you is UNWANTED.

 

And above all, [color=red]BE CAREFUL.[/color]

[ROGER DODGER]

Before you listen to all the people in this forum. You need to access the situation Do you feel you are in danger. You have known this person for a year and a half. Do you think he would harm you?? He might just be hurting badly and want to talk. If he is crazy it might only piss him off more....