tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 You have to understand this is life. My ex said the same thing, but what she displayed wasn't love, it was fear of being alone. That's why she tried to keep on every relationship she could find. She said she was in love with me, but she wasn't with me. She was with him. She's thinking about herself. She doesn't love you. She loves herself. If she loved you, there would be NO doubt in her mind she would want to be with you. Rule: watch what they do, not what they say. Truer words have never been spoken. This is still somewhat fresh, so I guess I'm going through the flip flop stage. NC 4 life (unless she says sorry, let's get back). And hopefully by then, I'm over her completely. And even if she comes at me next month with it, I'm gonna make her prove it, and go SLOW with it. I've read too many horror stories on here to trust an ex.
tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Besides, the only reason she's saying these things is because she's with another guy, but she's hiding it because obviously, she's not sure if he wants to commit or not. But she does. And until he does, she needs a branch to swing back to. Monkeybranching. Classic young girl behavior. Learn from it cause it's going to be happening to you a lot at your age. But she had no one else to go to about her family problems. Wouldn't that guy (if there is one) console her? She says she only has her best friend, and she's neglecting her, because of her BF.
whichwayisup Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 My ex and I havent spoken in about two months, but recently a hurricane hit Bermuda (where she is from) with another one approaching and I kinda want to make sure that her family is doing ok. She currently is in the states here, so it would be easy to figure out. However, I dont want to cause her more stress by approaching her and asking..... If its relevant: she broke up with me. Do you have mutual friends? If so, ask them about her and her family. If not, let it go. You two are no longer in each others lives so if you think it'll add stress to her, don't reach out.
Natsu21 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 But she had no one else to go to about her family problems. Wouldn't that guy (if there is one) console her? She says she only has her best friend, and she's neglecting her, because of her BF. That's right. She isn't. That's why she has you. This is classic cheating behavior. She comes to you for her emotional problems, but you're nothing more than a "girlfriend" to her. Meanwhile, chances are she's majorly attracted to this guy and(here comes the REALLY PAINFUL PART) probably banging him without your knowledge. My ex did. She even swore they weren't having sex. But she was coming to me for all her emotional problems, but didn't want to be with me. Wait till he commits, if he evers. Then you'll be a ghost. Sides, when you need her, where will she be? Not with you.
Natsu21 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Edit: But she says she hasn't fallen out of love, and she still loves me. Is that bread crumbs as well, and I have to really read between the lines? Been 3 days NC since we I told her NC. She's the one that keeps contacting me though. All bread crumbs, and I even asked her where this was going. I felt like it was some elaborate friend zone for life scheme, and in the end she'll say, "you know what, the best thing to do is be friends." Or, "I met someone that I'm truly compatiable with, I'm sorry, I can't contact you anymore." And yes, that would take me back to square 1, and in a worse place. Thank you for putting my frame of mind back in check. People already told me it was bread crumbs, but you know when you just want 1 person to tell you it's not. LOL, basically everyone's telling me it's bread crumbs. So now I fully know to move on, and not for her to change her heart, but for me. And she even told me she has no one else to talk to about her family issues, the 2nd time she broke NC the last time we talked. She says there is no other guy, but what do I know? And she said her best friend is busy with her BF, so I was the only one, and she was suicidal about family issues? Was it just a cry for attention, and to see how I'd react to her? It's okay, you're just on a rollercoaster of emotions. The body and mind deals with this as a drug would. It's okay. It's a part of life. Just understand that this is healthier than being her footstool.
tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 That's right. She isn't. That's why she has you. This is classic cheating behavior. She comes to you for her emotional problems, but you're nothing more than a "girlfriend" to her. Meanwhile, chances are she's majorly attracted to this guy and(here comes the REALLY PAINFUL PART) probably banging him without your knowledge. My ex did. She even swore they weren't having sex. But she was coming to me for all her emotional problems, but didn't want to be with me. Wait till he commits, if he evers. Then you'll be a ghost. Sides, when you need her, where will she be? Not with you. Why doesn't she go to him though? If she really does have another guy, why is she posting stuff about jumping in front of the train when I see it every morning. "I'm so close to just jumping on that train, and leaving everything behind me." blah blah blah. Wouldn't she be able to talk to him? And wouldn't she at least be secure in the fact that she has someone? If she even has someone. God, I wish she didn't delete that post, so I can quote it word for word.
tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 I hope you're not projecting, and thinking it was because of another guy. I mean, I'm not gonna 100% say it wasn't, but just saying. You sound SO SURE.
BC1980 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Breadcrumb 1000 percent. If she cared about you and meant all those things, she would be with you. Its all lip service. You've got to look at the person's actions. My ex said he still loved me, but he never acted on it. He was fine to let me walk when I went NC. You can still say you love someone and not back it up with action. Happens all the time. 3
BC1980 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Why doesn't she go to him though? If she really does have another guy, why is she posting stuff about jumping in front of the train when I see it every morning. "I'm so close to just jumping on that train, and leaving everything behind me." blah blah blah. Wouldn't she be able to talk to him? And wouldn't she at least be secure in the fact that she has someone? If she even has someone. God, I wish she didn't delete that post, so I can quote it word for word. A lot of times, it's an emotional affair that may not have been acted upon. You have to consider that too. I don't care how well you think you know someone, the fact is that feelings are very volatile at times. They can easily change.
tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 A lot of times, it's an emotional affair that may not have been acted upon. You have to consider that too. I don't care how well you think you know someone, the fact is that feelings are very volatile at times. They can easily change. Ah, OK. Last question. Is it usually the case when a girl dumps you, they have another guy? part of me thinks it's because of my past actions, and recent actions leading up to the breakup, and another part thinks maybe she connected with someone else, and got tired of my shtick.
BC1980 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Ah, OK. Last question. Is it usually the case when a girl dumps you, they have another guy? part of me thinks it's because of my past actions, and recent actions leading up to the breakup, and another part thinks maybe she connected with someone else, and got tired of my shtick. I don't know if it's usually the case. Either way, her feelings have changed, and you might never know why. Feelings are funny things. I wouldn't count on her to tell you the truth. 1
tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 I don't know if it's usually the case. Either way, her feelings have changed, and you might never know why. Feelings are funny things. I wouldn't count on her to tell you the truth. Thank you. I needed to hear this, and not, "she's banging some dude behind your back, bro." That will NEVER help me heal . I'd rather leave with my ego in tact. Yeah, it helps to hear the stone cold truth (which it probably isn't), but sometimes you wanna leave the relationship with the feeling that it just didn't workout, and not that you got replaced right away. Helps you with your mojo to find someone else. Please, for my own sanity, don't bring up she was banging some other guy. Natsu, just STFU for a second, and leave me be with my own thoughts. Hearing all that literally helps me in no way shape or form. I don't hate you though.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 tikay, enough trying to figure out what she's doing and thinking, it's time for you to get your emotional ducks in a row. It doesn't matter if she has a guy or if she doesn't, what matters is that she doesn't want to be with you. You need to give her what she wants. I don't care if there's a hurricane where she lives, I don't care if her dog gets run over by a car, I don't care if she breaks a nail trying to talk to a guy on Tinder, you need to go No Contact and stay No Contact. 2
tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 tikay, enough trying to figure out what she's doing and thinking, it's time for you to get your emotional ducks in a row. It doesn't matter if she has a guy or if she doesn't, what matters is that she doesn't want to be with you. You need to give her what she wants. I don't care if there's a hurricane where she lives, I don't care if her dog gets run over by a car, I don't care if she breaks a nail trying to talk to a guy on Tinder, you need to go No Contact and stay No Contact. I hear ya, man. That's what I'm sticking to. It's just my subconscious telling me to hold on, but I'm letting go!
Simon Phoenix Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 I hear ya, man. That's what I'm sticking to. It's just my subconscious telling me to hold on, but I'm letting go! That's normal. You have to truck through it though. Hearts, while they mean well, have s--t for brains. 1
BC1980 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Thank you. I needed to hear this, and not, "she's banging some dude behind your back, bro." That will NEVER help me heal . I'd rather leave with my ego in tact. Yeah, it helps to hear the stone cold truth (which it probably isn't), but sometimes you wanna leave the relationship with the feeling that it just didn't workout, and not that you got replaced right away. Helps you with your mojo to find someone else. Please, for my own sanity, don't bring up she was banging some other guy. Natsu, just STFU for a second, and leave me be with my own thoughts. Hearing all that literally helps me in no way shape or form. I don't hate you though. Didn't you already text her? Did she answer?
tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Didn't you already text her? Did she answer? I talked to her 3 days ago, and told her NC for my own sanity. I've never broken NC. She always has.
Natsu21 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Thank you. I needed to hear this, and not, "she's banging some dude behind your back, bro." That will NEVER help me heal . I'd rather leave with my ego in tact. Yeah, it helps to hear the stone cold truth (which it probably isn't), but sometimes you wanna leave the relationship with the feeling that it just didn't workout, and not that you got replaced right away. Helps you with your mojo to find someone else. Please, for my own sanity, don't bring up she was banging some other guy. Natsu, just STFU for a second, and leave me be with my own thoughts. Hearing all that literally helps me in no way shape or form. I don't hate you though. Sorry man, There is no magic answer. So I understand why you're hostile. As far as I view it, I was like you, so it's gonna be a while, but a new policy of mine is this: if a woman walks out of my life. Let her. I'm not going to waste my time playing games. I'm pretty direct.
BC1980 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 I talked to her 3 days ago, and told her NC for my own sanity. I've never broken NC. She always has. She can't break NC if she isn't doing NC. Only you can break NC by responding. I think a lot of people don't seem to understand that NC is a solo effort. It's done regardless of your ex. Most people recommend blocking your ex, so you aren't tempted to respond. When you responded 3 days ago, you broke NC.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 I talked to her 3 days ago, and told her NC for my own sanity. I've never broken NC. She always has. NC is an individual thing, not a team thing. Only you can break your own NC.
tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Sorry man, There is no magic answer. So I understand why you're hostile. As far as I view it, I was like you, so it's gonna be a while, but a new policy of mine is this: if a woman walks out of my life. Let her. I'm not going to waste my time playing games. I'm pretty direct. Yeah, new approach from me as well. No matter what happened, if you walk out, you didn't really love me THAT MUCH.
tikay00 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 She can't break NC if she isn't doing NC. Only you can break NC by responding. I think a lot of people don't seem to understand that NC is a solo effort. It's done regardless of your ex. Most people recommend blocking your ex, so you aren't tempted to respond. When you responded 3 days ago, you broke NC. NC is an individual thing, not a team thing. Only you can break your own NC. I know, I know. This time I told her don't contact me with anything. Not even if you're at your lowest point. I'm also going to ignore her calls or texts. BUT, what if I want to rekindle something some day? Just wait for the "I'm sorry, let's be back together" call or text?
Natsu21 Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 I know, I know. This time I told her don't contact me with anything. Not even if you're at your lowest point. I'm also going to ignore her calls or texts. BUT, what if I want to rekindle something some day? Just wait for the "I'm sorry, let's be back together" call or text? Your emotions are talking. Better question: why would you want to get back with someone who didn't want you enough to stay?
Simon Phoenix Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 I know, I know. This time I told her don't contact me with anything. Not even if you're at your lowest point. I'm also going to ignore her calls or texts. BUT, what if I want to rekindle something some day? Just wait for the "I'm sorry, let's be back together" call or text? You aren't supposed to wait for s--t. But you shouldn't respond unless they tell you, flat-out, that they made a mistake and they want to be with you. But you shouldn't give them an easy avenue to do that. You should block them and make it extremely difficult for them to get in contact with you. But no, don't wait there like a pud. No Contact won't do crap for your recovery or you getting your head straight if your version of No Contact is staring at your cell phone waiting on the magic phone call or text message.
tikay00 Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 Your emotions are talking. Better question: why would you want to get back with someone who didn't want you enough to stay? I feel like it's different with me, because she stuck by my side through my BS, and was extremely loyal. She's taken me back twice before, so I don't know. On the other hand, if she needs a break every time I mess up, then that's bad. You aren't supposed to wait for s--t. But you shouldn't respond unless they tell you, flat-out, that they made a mistake and they want to be with you. But you shouldn't give them an easy avenue to do that. You should block them and make it extremely difficult for them to get in contact with you. But no, don't wait there like a pud. No Contact won't do crap for your recovery or you getting your head straight if your version of No Contact is staring at your cell phone waiting on the magic phone call or text message. Oh, I know. I meant, live my life, don't look back, but only respond when she says the magic words. I'm not waiting for her.
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