Panatana90 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 I am a 25-year-old guy who got dumped out of the blue by my ex-gf of four years about five months ago. I won't get into that as I've posted here before, but naturally I was crushed by the whole situation. Since then, I feel I've been doing well and have even been on dates with a few girls. Now, my ex was the only girl I had ever had sex with. It's something that would always make me nervous prior to doing it for the first time, so much so that I would fail to get/maintain an erection. This really bothered me as I wanted to do it but it appeared anxiety was preventing me. My ex wanted to wait anyway, so there was no pressure from her. I was putting pressure on myself. After a few months of going out, we did have sex and for four years, I never looked back and had no problems since. Then when I got dumped, I panicked and thought "oh ****, what if that problems comes back?" And lo-and-behold it *kinda* has. I've casually dated a few girls lately and a few weeks ago I was out with a girl and we both got pretty drunk. We went back to my place and had sex, with no real problems. Then a few days later (sober, this time) we had sex again and had no problems at all. It was great, I felt I combated the issue. Then just a few nights ago, I was on a date with a different girl and she invited me back to her place. Things got very hot and heavy but my stupid brain for some reason went into overdrive and I thought about that problem again. Unfortunately, I underperformed it just didn't happen. The girl was completely fine when I explained I get performance anxiety, which was very sweet of her. In the space of like two weeks I have went from "hell yeah, I can do this" to "****, not again." Now my desire to have sex is at a low from being at an almighty high. Can anyone relate/offer some advice? I'm very embarrassed to admit this, but it's just annoying for this problem to come back! I do have bad anxiety in general but can control it well when relaxed. I'm defintely an over-thinker. Would like to hear your views
CarrieT Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Yep - you are overthinking. Consider the fact that getting good at sex with someone takes practice. Very few people are good at it out of the gate. It takes time to learn another person's body, proclivities, and turn-ons. Heck, my new husband and I had almost disastrous first-time sex. Someone who is worth getting to know will understand.
Bella2 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Unfortunately, I underperformed it just didn't happen. The girl was completely fine when I explained I get performance anxiety, which was very sweet of her. I'm defintely an over-thinker. Would like to hear your views Yep, you are thinking too much. I once had a boyfriend, in the beginning he had this problem too. Took a "couple of times" before he felt ok and sure about himself, and then everything was fine Don't worry, it happens a lot it seems. And the girl reacted very well!
Ducky71 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Concurred on the overthinking thing. She seems to be understanding which you'll find will help put your mind at ease.
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