Would you date someone with a really bad car?

[writergal]

 

Would you date this guy?

 

I *have* dated that guy, in college. His name was Bob. He picked me up at home for our first date in this orange pinto station wagon. Bob was a great kisser, dressed like Johnny Depp (he always wore bowling shoes instead of normal shoes), slicked his hair back, and was always a gentleman until we rocked the back of his pinto during a drive-in movie. Ah, youth.

[me85]

G,

 

You should know I don't deem you a bad person at all. You're 20 years my senior. You've been around the block and seen more than I. I was just hoping to steer you towards a different point of view, that's all.

 

You created a hot topic thread! For sure. Got a lot of attention. Lol

[Tayla]

this topic was based on the actions of the OP and not the words of the OP. Always err to the side of the final actions. the words simply fueled this topic.

 

final analysis- Most would agree that riding in a safe car is optimal to get you from A-B.

Most would agree that making positive suggestions to the car owner to have it looked at for safety reasons shows concern. To scoff at them though, showed judgmental-ism and stereotype.

 

If it helps any...had a guy tell me that I was "dismissed" from dating him because my car didn't have heated seats. I can laugh about that....because after all, we all have "standards" , and my standard of getting from A-B were vested in getting away from that date . Its all relative I suppose....(not)

[dynamicboy]

I guess there is some confussion overall in this thread

 

 

One thing is that you care about safety and health issues which is reasonable and understandable to care about that. Nothing wrong with caring about it. Yet if your man drives an old scrap this is something that can be fixed. I mean, everything material has some solution, at least a partial solution. And this issue should not be a hindrance to continue knowing and exploring a potential mate.

 

 

Another different thing is to conlcude that just because his car is an old junk then everything else about him is junk. His personality, his thoughts, his personal hygiene, his dreams, his personal finances, his manners, his education, his feelings and most important, his values can not be judged based on what car he drives.

 

 

Finally, certainly there is nothing wrong with having standards. But then nobody is saying having standards is wrong. Once we all agree it is good and all positive to have standards then we proceed to discuss standards. Having standards is good and desirable and positive, but that doesn't mean that any standard is good. I can't think of a good standard that results in you shooting your own foot. If such is the result, then it is not a good standard and, as any standard, it can be modified at will through experience.

 

 

Whatever Gaeta decides, once she decides (either dump the guy or give him another chance), she will be forced to make further decisions. Such is the process of learning, look back and see if your decisions took you in the path you truly want. If not, maybe something must be modified.

[singsparkles]

I *have* dated that guy, in college. His name was Bob. He picked me up at home for our first date in this orange pinto station wagon. Bob was a great kisser, dressed like Johnny Depp (he always wore bowling shoes instead of normal shoes), slicked his hair back, and was always a gentleman until we rocked the back of his pinto during a drive-in movie. Ah, youth.

 

 

 

Sweet. Love it. Love is definitely way more than a nice car. Actually, when and if you're in love, you totally forget about the car you're driving in and could care less.

[Imported]

Actually, when and if you're in love, you totally forget about the car you're driving in and could care less.

 

This was just a guy OP met from online dating...I assume. It was a coffee date that appearantly will not go any further. It was not like she met him "organically" and got to know and like him over some period of time, finally saw his car and completely lost interest. This date was a first imperssion and he did not impress.

 

On many things, it's not about making the right moves. I mean, you do have to make the right moves to keep going forward, but what usually ruins everything is when you make the wrong moves. Sometimes depending....you don't even have to make more than one wrong move. Because that one wrong move will snowball everything else to also be wrong. You know, first impressions.

 

Not saying guys need fancy cars. A decent car will do for many women.

 

Also, it really depends on the girl and what her "norm" is as well. If she works retail and doesn't really make much $$$, she probably has a different view on this situation than a girl that makes over $100k+ and affords herself a better standard of living and well.....she might expect more.

 

Where I live, if you closed your eyes and threw a rock into the road, it'd probably hit someones late model BMW or Mercedas. Women around here might have different expectations than women somewhere else where everyone is in some kinda beater.

 

In any case, most women wouldn't say it's because the guy was poor. It'd be something about how she just didn't "click" with him.

Edited October 16, 2014 by Imported

[Els]

I'm not sure I get the 'safety' argument. Isn't there some sort of warrant of fitness there that mandates that a car must be checked for roadworthiness every year or so, otherwise it isn't allowed on the road? If he was trying to sneak around that requirement, yeah, that's a really bad sign. Otherwise technically the car is safe to drive, no?

 

So, we're really just down to personal preference. Gaeta, you have every right to want whatever you want. That's entirely your prerogative. But prioritizing is a natural part of how humans make decisions. If you are giving a lot of priority to more superficial things, then there will be less space for you to prioritize other things, that might have more bearing on the potential of a LTR.

 

At the end of the day, this is really your decision and you don't have to defend it to anyone. But personally the car wouldn't even show up in my top 50 list of priority traits.

[Emilia]

I'm not sure I get the 'safety' argument. Isn't there some sort of warrant of fitness there that mandates that a car must be checked for roadworthiness every year or so, otherwise it isn't allowed on the road? If he was trying to sneak around that requirement, yeah, that's a really bad sign. Otherwise technically the car is safe to drive, no?

A cracked windscreen can break any time, not something you want to happen especially on a motorway. Most guys would fix it, maybe it happened after the annual checks were done and he doesn't have to worry about fixing it until the next one.

But personally the car wouldn't even show up in my top 50 list of priority traits.

Yet. Not to single you out but to demonstrate that this is the difference between someone really young and someone older. It makes sense that a 23 or 25 year-old doesn't care about this while from your late 30s an old banger starts becoming tragic. It's a bit like ripped jeans. Cool when you are young, tragic when you are older because you just look poor.

 

I think it's a very clear indication of how expectations change as you become part of a financially more secure and established age group.

[Emilia]

G,

 

You should know I don't deem you a bad person at all. You're 20 years my senior. You've been around the block and seen more than I. I was just hoping to steer you towards a different point of view, that's all.

 

You created a hot topic thread! For sure. Got a lot of attention. Lol

Ditto. Different expectations. I don't get why the younger crowd is so offended by this. Everyone knows many of us struggle when we are trying to establish ourselves, that should change when you start reaping the rewards of your hard work as you get older. Why is this a problem? Don't people understand how progression works during their lifetime?

[Chemist]

A cracked windscreen can break any time, not something you want to happen especially on a motorway. Most guys would fix it, maybe it happened after the annual checks were done and he doesn't have to worry about fixing it until the next one.

 

Just ridiculously paranoid. They don't just break..

 

I am from a poor community where most people drove **** vehicles. Rust buckets and cracked windshields are the norm. I, in all of my life living there, never had heard of a spontaneous window shatter. I had owned three vehicles in high school, all of which had cracked windshields that never broke. And before you get all, but your a kid, I also had a dad who should have been worried about my safety yeah? Well he was a mechanic and knows when things are okay and when not.

 

He also taught me how to save money like no other. Only buy what you need when you need. Maybe this guys background has taught him that it's better to be frugal and reserved with spending. These things are hard to get over. I just think there are so many reasons and your judging him could be tuning over a potential good man. Though, it really does seem like you came here for affirmation of your belief, not really to discuss and really consider it.

[thefooloftheyear]

I dunno....

 

It really doesnt cost much money to drive something better than an old POS Hooptie...Neednt be a Ferrari, but I would think its a bit embarrassing, when you show up in something that is falling apart...especially on a first date..

 

Cars, even if you arent an enthusiast, are an important part of ones life...They need to be safe, well maintained, clean and well kept..

 

Actually things are easier today then they used to be...Women dont really care that much about the styling or status a car brings, for the most part, and most new cars look bland and kinda ugly...

 

Cars were more of a statement in previous generations-especially for a guy...Back in the 60's or 70's if the car had 4 doors you would never get laid...no matter what the condition.....

 

TFY

[Andy_K]

I drive an old 2001 ford focus with over 150k on the clock, and tape sealing together the area around the front drivers side headlight from a smash. It is not always tidy due to regularly transporting a messy 4 year old around in it.

 

It's also passed the MOT with flying colours and runs perfectly even over long distances. It's a diesel and gets a very economical 50mpg. I'm doing perfectly well financially, and could go out and buy a brand new sportscar with cash if I wanted to. But I don't, because so far as I can tell the only benefit from having a better car would be to impress girls. And I don't want a girl who is so foolish or materialistic as to judge me by my car.

[amaysngrace]

I'm not sure I get the 'safety' argument. Isn't there some sort of warrant of fitness there that mandates that a car must be checked for roadworthiness every year or so, otherwise it isn't allowed on the road? If he was trying to sneak around that requirement, yeah, that's a really bad sign. Otherwise technically the car is safe to drive, no?

 

Not where I live...not anymore. My state use to check brakes and lights and wiper blades and windshields but they don't anymore.

 

It was too expensive or something to employ people to check for safety. Now the cars here only need to pass emissions...and only because it is a federal standard.

[dynamicboy]

I drive an old 2001 ford focus with over 150k on the clock, and tape sealing together the area around the front drivers side headlight from a smash. It is not always tidy due to regularly transporting a messy 4 year old around in it.

 

It's also passed the MOT with flying colours and runs perfectly even over long distances. It's a diesel and gets a very economical 50mpg. I'm doing perfectly well financially, and could go out and buy a brand new sportscar with cash if I wanted to. But I don't, because so far as I can tell the only benefit from having a better car would be to impress girls. And I don't want a girl who is so foolish or materialistic as to judge me by my car.

 

 

 

Andy, interesting point, similar to my case (but instead of a 2001 Ford focus it is a 2000 Chevrolet Cavalier)

 

 

You mention a couple of interesting points:

 

 

1) "regularly transporting a messy 4 year old around in it" this I consider to be an important point, for if the kid is your son then your priorities and attitude and expectations when dating and choosing a mate are gonna be somewhat different from what someone without kids has. If the kid is your girlfriend's son then again, your girlfriend's priorities and expectations for choosing a man are gonna be somewhat different than what a woman with no kids has. So in both cases your situation is, I would say, not comparable to Gaeta's situation. If the kid is neither your kid nor your girlfriend's kid then forget about all I said

 

 

2) You also state "But I don't, because so far as I can tell the only benefit from having a better car would be to impress girls. And I don't want a girl who is so foolish or materialistic as to judge me by my car"

 

 

This last statement makes me wonder. Does it mean that a fancy/flashy car (or any other display of wealth for that matter) ultimately awakes the gold-digger that is sleeping inside every woman?

 

 

This take me to another question. Can a fancy/flashy car work against a man's best interests when dating hence attracting gold-diggers, materialistic girls while putting aside honest, humble, simple nice girls?

 

 

Also, notice I mention fancy/flashy car on purpose because for a car to be fancy/flashy it does not need to be an expensive luxury car. There are plenty of Mercedes-Benz, BMW, Audi, Jaguars that are horrible looking cars yet astronomically expensive.

Edited October 16, 2014 by dynamicboy

[Imported]

This last statement makes me wonder. Does it mean that a fancy/flashy car (or any other display of wealth for that matter) ultimately awakes the gold-digger that is sleeping inside every woman?

 

 

This take me to another question. Can a fancy/flashy car work against a man's best interests when dating hence attracting gold-diggers, materialistic girls while putting aside honest, humble, simple nice girls?

 

 

 

This guy is very entertaining. I LOL a lot watching his vids. I am sure they are not faked, but he probably cherry picks what to show.

 

 

This one, he doesn't even talk to them

 

[Toodaloo]

I drive an old 2001 ford focus with over 150k on the clock, and tape sealing together the area around the front drivers side headlight from a smash. It is not always tidy due to regularly transporting a messy 4 year old around in it.

 

It's also passed the MOT with flying colours and runs perfectly even over long distances. It's a diesel and gets a very economical 50mpg. I'm doing perfectly well financially, and could go out and buy a brand new sportscar with cash if I wanted to. But I don't, because so far as I can tell the only benefit from having a better car would be to impress girls. And I don't want a girl who is so foolish or materialistic as to judge me by my car.

 

4 yr olds so also have a tendency to trash cars and manage to get the sticky sweets in really strange places... How do they do that? I get the toast in the DVD player thing but the sticky sweet in the car thing? Its not even as though they can reach that far and even if they don't have sweets in the car they still manage to get them stuck somewhere weird...

[longjohn]

Ok so you had a bad experience with someone who had a dodgy looking car, and now you judge people on their cars and whether they're living at home etc. Fine. But you're wrong.

 

Everyone's different and if they drive a beat up car it might suggest they are broke or in financial trouble but you're taking another leap in assumption thinking they are also irresponsible.

I don't have time for chances or chancers anymore. It's happened more than once to me and the theme is.. broke/bankrupt I'd say most times they spent more than they could repay. They deny it, not one ever admitted they spent more than they could repay. They blame other people, they blame the economy/banks (ok I understand that) but x number of years later they are still not getting anywhere? Based on my personal experience it just saves time not to date ladies that drive cars held together with duct tape. I don't date to waste time I don't pretend to have my entire life in order but I do have the basics covered and expect the same from those I date.

[sweetjasmine]

I'm not sure I get the 'safety' argument. Isn't there some sort of warrant of fitness there that mandates that a car must be checked for roadworthiness every year or so, otherwise it isn't allowed on the road? If he was trying to sneak around that requirement, yeah, that's a really bad sign. Otherwise technically the car is safe to drive, no?

 

Gaeta said he'd probably be ticketed for the condition of his car. Where I am, my car failed inspection because the front tire rod was heavily rusted and made the car unsafe. Car looked and still looks just fine on the outside. Just a little bit of rust, which you'd expect on a 12 year old car being kept in a place with heavy winters. But it was unsafe.

 

It really doesnt cost much money to drive something better than an old POS Hooptie...Neednt be a Ferrari, but I would think its a bit embarrassing, when you show up in something that is falling apart...especially on a first date..

 

Exactly. I spent $3k on my 2002 car. And it doesn't have rust holes all over it or a cracked windshield or duct-taped pieces.

 

Cars, even if you arent an enthusiast, are an important part of ones life...They need to be safe, well maintained, clean and well kept..

 

Precisely. It's all well and good to say that, hey, it's still holding together and still technically getting me from point A to point B, but when it's time to make a 6 hour road trip...

[NJ123]

I drive an old 2001 ford focus with over 150k on the clock, and tape sealing together the area around the front drivers side headlight from a smash. It is not always tidy due to regularly transporting a messy 4 year old around in it.

 

It's also passed the MOT with flying colours and runs perfectly even over long distances. It's a diesel and gets a very economical 50mpg. I'm doing perfectly well financially, and could go out and buy a brand new sportscar with cash if I wanted to. But I don't, because so far as I can tell the only benefit from having a better car would be to impress girls. And I don't want a girl who is so foolish or materialistic as to judge me by my car.

 

I actually had a 2001 Ford Focus with around 120k miles on it. But last Winter the wheel alignment for my front tires got out of wack while I was driving in the snow. I made a turn & my car slid & crashed into a curb lol. Luckily there was no car there or it could of been bad. It would have cost way too much to fix so I have a 2010 Focus now.

[dynamicboy]

I actually had a 2001 Ford Focus with around 120k miles on it. But last Winter the wheel alignment for my front tires got out of wack while I was driving in the snow. I made a turn & my car slid & crashed into a curb lol. Luckily there was no car there or it could of been bad. It would have cost way too much to fix so I have a 2010 Focus now.

 

 

 

Interesting!

 

 

Would you say this happened as a result of poor maintenance habits? Or is it about the car being abused in the past? Or is it as a result of you owning defective car? Or is it something wrong with Focus 2001? Or is it as a result of normal wear and tear?

 

 

2001 means a 13 years old car, doesn't seem like a lot of time

[NJ123]

Interesting!

 

 

Would you say this happened as a result of poor maintenance habits? Or is it about the car being abused in the past? Or is it as a result of you owning defective car? Or is it something wrong with Focus 2001? Or is it as a result of normal wear and tear?

 

 

2001 means a 13 years old car, doesn't seem like a lot of time

 

Definitely wasn't poor maintenance & the car wasn't abused at all. I think it was mainly just wear & tear in general. I had a lot of problems with that car so it could have been defective. I didn't get it when it was brand new though. I got it back in the Spring of 2006. So it was already 5 years old by that point so I have no clue how the previous owner took care of the car. But I had air condition problems, wheel alignment problems, engine problems, also water would get into my car at times when it rained. Some minor things as well. The 2010 model I have now I've had no problems whatsoever since I've had it since last December.

[Natsu21]

I have no car, and I still get dates.

 

Explain that.

[Better]

I now have several cars and I always keep them clean and well maintained. They are almost always immaculate and I take care of them meticulously. I do think that's the most important part.

 

I have a 2014 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT which is my daily driver. My girlfriend thinks it is ridiculously large and gets bad gas mileage.

 

I have a 2002 Honda S2000 which I drive primarily in autocross and track days. My girlfriend thinks it is ridiculously small and loud.

 

I have a 1991 Acura NSX that I drive on fun sunny days and take to car shows. My girlfriend thinks it is ridiculously old. That one still turns the most heads though.

 

I really can't win, but I love them all

 

Back when I was doing a lot of dating before I met my current girlfriend, I usually brought the Jeep to the date though. The S2000 isn't a great date car and the NSX is a bit flashy. The Jeep is a little flashy if you know what the SRT badge on the back means, but most people don't.

[TheGuard13]

15 pages in and no one has stumbled on the obvious follow up question...

 

 

"Do you like enormous penises?"

 

 

Because by the laws of the cars men drive, this man is hung like an elephant.

 

 

Seriously though...it depends on why he drives it. If he drives it because he gives all his free/disposable money to charity...maybe.

 

 

Something like this can be a "broken windows" thing, and evidence of issues elsewhere.

 

Or he may just not like cars and taking care of them that much.

 

Myself, I have not washed or vaccummed my car in two years. I have better things to do with my time and energy.

 

To be honest, I just don't care that much. Cars are a money pit and often break down and have mechanical issues no matter HOW well you maintain them, and I drive them till they drop. That's just my preference for automobiles.

 

You may not be compatible with this guy. Depends on what you care about.

 

Is it shallow to care what someone drives? Yes. It's okay to be shallow sometimes, though. It's all about your values and preferences and how compatible you are with others.

[singsparkles]

This was just a guy OP met from online dating...I assume. It was a coffee date that appearantly will not go any further. It was not like she met him "organically" and got to know and like him over some period of time, finally saw his car and completely lost interest. This date was a first imperssion and he did not impress.

 

On many things, it's not about making the right moves. I mean, you do have to make the right moves to keep going forward, but what usually ruins everything is when you make the wrong moves. Sometimes depending....you don't even have to make more than one wrong move. Because that one wrong move will snowball everything else to also be wrong. You know, first impressions.

 

Not saying guys need fancy cars. A decent car will do for many women.

 

Also, it really depends on the girl and what her "norm" is as well. If she works retail and doesn't really make much $$$, she probably has a different view on this situation than a girl that makes over $100k+ and affords herself a better standard of living and well.....she might expect more.

 

Where I live, if you closed your eyes and threw a rock into the road, it'd probably hit someones late model BMW or Mercedas. Women around here might have different expectations than women somewhere else where everyone is in some kinda beater.

 

In any case, most women wouldn't say it's because the guy was poor. It'd be something about how she just didn't "click" with him.

 

 

That's very true, Imported.

 

I think it does depend on the area you live in, as women are very different all around the world.

 

I grew up in a town where there were rich AND poor, a very diverse town... and I never really valued material things.

 

I'm more focused on myself. Me, myself... I want to work hard in my nursing career and have things I like, such as i.e., a nice car, a nice home, etc... but when it comes to a guy, I'd just be happy if he had a steady job that he was committed to... I don't need a millionaire who drives a brand new Mercedes.

 

If I meet a man with a wonderful personality who happened to be very wealthy... well, that's just a bonus.

 

But all in all... I'd rather date an average joe who treats me like a princess than date a millionaire who treats me like crap and never has time for me.