meandmycats Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 My other half would love to get married, but I'm just too afraid! I haven't actually said that to her, but I do tell her that even though it's all nice and legal and all that b******s, I will do it when and if I want to and don't see the necessity of it right at this moment. We've only just bought a house together for goodness sake,and that's enough to be dealing with. Am I being too scared? A bit unreasonable? I don't think so, but some of you might put another slant on it. I know she would get married next week if I agreed!
Priv Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Not unreasonable at all. You have every right NOT to get married (right now or ever). But it might help to think about what exactly you are scared about, just so you are more clear in your thoughts about it. And will help you communicate better with your GF about the not now. 2
Ronni_W Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 I hope you're not using the words, "I'll marry you if and when I want to," with her There's not all that much to dealing with home ownership. And there's not too much difference dealing with the same person, whether you call them your 'home co-owner' or 'live-in partner' or 'spouse'. And YOU are also the same person, no matter how you define (or the state defines) your romantic/love relationship. It's the quality of that relationship that counts. A different perspective is: Whatever you fear about being married you really ought also have feared about getting into this co-owning-a-home-and-living-together relationship. That is, your -- and her -- personal commitments, promises, expectations, dreams, responsibilities, rewards do not really change; or ought not to, just because there is or is not a "legal piece of paper". Even if you have seen one hundred marriages fail...it was on account of the people, not because they were married to each other. Those same relationships would have ended and, depending on circumstances, could also have needed lawyers to sort-out issues of financial settlements, care of children, etc. So. What makes you feel LESS invested, involved, responsible, obligated now than if you'd be legally married? What do you think-believe you can do now that you'd no longer be able to do? What do you think-believe you'd have to start doing, that you don't have to do now? 3
pomi123 Posted October 24, 2014 Posted October 24, 2014 Why won't you let him do it on his own terms and see what happens. Yes, you are 19, and young, but right now you have a baby to be worrying about. Deal with that first and be thankful that he is sticking around... I know many guys older than him that probably would have bolted
Author meandmycats Posted November 3, 2014 Author Posted November 3, 2014 I hope you're not using the words, "I'll marry you if and when I want to," with her There's not all that much to dealing with home ownership. And there's not too much difference dealing with the same person, whether you call them your 'home co-owner' or 'live-in partner' or 'spouse'. And YOU are also the same person, no matter how you define (or the state defines) your romantic/love relationship. It's the quality of that relationship that counts. A different perspective is: Whatever you fear about being married you really ought also have feared about getting into this co-owning-a-home-and-living-together relationship. That is, your -- and her -- personal commitments, promises, expectations, dreams, responsibilities, rewards do not really change; or ought not to, just because there is or is not a "legal piece of paper". Even if you have seen one hundred marriages fail...it was on account of the people, not because they were married to each other. Those same relationships would have ended and, depending on circumstances, could also have needed lawyers to sort-out issues of financial settlements, care of children, etc. So. What makes you feel LESS invested, involved, responsible, obligated now than if you'd be legally married? What do you think-believe you can do now that you'd no longer be able to do? What do you think-believe you'd have to start doing, that you don't have to do now? You know, you've got a fair point there, and much I hadn't considered. I suppose it might have a bit to do with same sex marriages being legal now and so many taking advantage of that in this country without maybe thinking it through. Could be a bit of that that's scary to me. I've been through hell and back with an ex partner, and it's took me a very long time to mend. My other half knows this, and she's my greatest allie. You're post has certainly made me think. Thankyou.
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