mecliff Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 This may be pretty long but I hope you all can stay tuned and help me out here. Prefer a females voice of opinion but evryone appreciated. Well I have been with my partner for 9 years. We have 2 boys together 2 and 4. Due to her religious backgrounds she had to leave her family for me as they abandoned her. I took her in to live with me. I didn't feel strongly about her then at all. However for a good 6 years she was obsessed with me, checks my phone... gave me daily or random massages...etc. The last 3 years however she has been ridiculously distant from me. For example her once crazy sex drive has gone from everyday to once a month. When we go to bebed her back will be turned to me and she will be on the edge. No more massages ever. No more checking up on me or anything. With the kids I admittedly didn't want them but she admitted she had them to trap me. I didn't do nothing to help out ie... didn't bath them or anything. I worked 12 hours a day then I came home late so they was all in bed. Done this fofor 6 years till I was laid off a month ago. A year or 2 ago she got back in contact wirh her family. Over the last 2 months she's been saying things like, if she left me her brothers and family would accept her back and if her mum or dad dies she won't be able to attend their funeral. Also she's had 2 dreams of meeting her brothers to accept her back in the family if she left me. Also in the last 2 months she said she wants to go clubbing and drinking (she never did do this ever). This I'm worried about because her good friend does this and recently had her drink spiked and I won't go into the rest. Also in the last 2 months she's Said she needs to get away for a week. Randomly she went away for 1 night, I knew where she was going at least I thought I did till she cancelled the room she booked on the day. When I confronted her she said she wanted to be in control and book it herself elsewhere where nobody knows where she is. Anyway she came back the next morning and hugged me and said she loves me (first time in 2 years) she said she's sorry and will get help from the doc (which is what I asked her to do twice). Since then she's gone cold again then hot then cold. She said also she wakes up wishing she was dead! I can't believe she thinks like this. Now my gut feeling here is she has postnatal depression because I didn't help out with the kids for so long (bad me i know but I do now). But then I feel her family are playing the guilt trip on her too. I also don't know if she's gone off me or not. I keep trying to get more info out of her but she's not giving it. Just keeps saying she needs freedom party... drink... holiday with the girls. ..etc. Advice pls on what is going through her head or what I can do more to help?
Author mecliff Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 Update. Today I questioned her for 30 mins asking and demanding the reason why she's like she is. Eventually she said she's bored. Bored of me bored of this life. We have 2 kids and together 9 yeare. Living together now. She says she wants me to stay for the kids sakes. I'm finding it really difficult and odd to live with someone who doesn't like you anymore. Her life has been on repeat for the last 4 years bringing up the kids on her own. Honestly guys is this a lost hope or should we try counselling ? For the sake of the kids.
mammasita Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 What are your ages and why in the world did you allow her to leave her family for you if you didn't feel strongly about her? It sounds like you only want her know because she's pulling away. You had everything you could possibly imagine and took it for granted and now she's tired of it. Sure you could try counseling because you have kids together, in fact you should - but it sounds like she checked out a looooong time ago. 1
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 It's no wonder she's pulling away. You don't pay much attention to her needs, and only mention that lack of YOUR needs being met. You also say she trapped you by having kids, well it takes two to make those kids, and you haven't even bothered to participate raising them. You are the one that is cold, and she has beeing putting up with it for too long. Her behavior is a response to the way you have been neglecting your relationship, your kids, and her. She doesn't feel appriciated, and is fed up. She has needs, and she wants to find someone who can fulfill them. So ya I can see why she wants out. Stay for the kids? kids are happier with two parents that are separated and content, rather than two miserable parents who chose to stay together.
smackie9 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 What are your ages and why in the world did you allow her to leave her family for you if you didn't feel strongly about her? It sounds like you only want her know because she's pulling away. You had everything you could possibly imagine and took it for granted and now she's tired of it. Sure you could try counseling because you have kids together, in fact you should - but it sounds like she checked out a looooong time ago. I agree she checked out a long time ago. The best thing you can do is seperate and get the kids into counseling.
Author mecliff Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 Thanks for the comments. We have spoken again and she's happy to take it step by step slowly. She said she will give it a try. I guess I better do what I can to make her feel good about herself again...amongst other things. Or Maybe I will post back in 3 or 4 months to say we've gone our separate ways....
smackie9 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Thanks for the comments. We have spoken again and she's happy to take it step by step slowly. She said she will give it a try. I guess I better do what I can to make her feel good about herself again...amongst other things. Or Maybe I will post back in 3 or 4 months to say we've gone our separate ways.... Thank you we do appreciate updates, best of luck.
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