Ashley S Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 I can't tell if this guy is a player or not. Sometimes he'll ask me future questions. He wanted to play out a "joke" and take a picture of me with a wedding ring on my finger, and say it's him that purposed. He told some of my friends that I was pregnant with his baby but then quickly said he "was joking". He also thinks that every guy is "no good" for me. He's direct with it. When I say I am going out with a guy, he'll say "He's a piece of crap! Ugh...him?" "Why do you like him?" Yet he'll date other women, and he did ask me out....but I don't want to get hurt so I am afraid I will fall in love with him I guess. I know it's weird lol. I am very cautious because of the heart ache I had in my life. We go for periods of not speaking to each other, but my friends keep saying I "pushed him away" and I "won't give him a chance" He'll either call me or show up at my doorstep randomly, but he is not as consistent as he use to be. Can't tell if it's because I rejected him or if he's a player? My other friend said he thinks he has a "crush" on me. But he really doesn't make a HUGE effort to be with me, but again. I don't know if that's me or him. So how do I know if he's a player? Because he is a conflicted character. He seems like he wants something serious, but then it seems he doesn't. I can provide more details if need be. Thank you!
dynamicboy Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 (edited) I can't tell if this guy is a player or not. Sometimes he'll ask me future questions. He wanted to play out a "joke" and take a picture of me with a wedding ring on my finger, and say it's him that purposed. He told some of my friends that I was pregnant with his baby but then quickly said he "was joking". He also thinks that every guy is "no good" for me. He's direct with it. When I say I am going out with a guy, he'll say "He's a piece of crap! Ugh...him?" "Why do you like him?" Yet he'll date other women, and he did ask me out....but I don't want to get hurt so I am afraid I will fall in love with him I guess. I know it's weird lol. I am very cautious because of the heart ache I had in my life. We go for periods of not speaking to each other, but my friends keep saying I "pushed him away" and I "won't give him a chance" He'll either call me or show up at my doorstep randomly, but he is not as consistent as he use to be. Can't tell if it's because I rejected him or if he's a player? My other friend said he thinks he has a "crush" on me. But he really doesn't make a HUGE effort to be with me, but again. I don't know if that's me or him. So how do I know if he's a player? Because he is a conflicted character. He seems like he wants something serious, but then it seems he doesn't. I can provide more details if need be. Thank you! Hello Ashley! Well, nobody can know for sure so I always advice to ask your loved one what is he up to. Really, I see most great potential relationships get screwed (long before they are real relationships) because people (but mostly women) like to guess. Guessing may be funny for a couple of days but no more. It seems you girls enjoy a dangerous game: he must make a HUGE effort for me to give him chance. If he is not making such a HUGE effort he didn't pass the final exam so he is no boyfriend material. But this game is so pernicious. What seems such as a HUGE effort for him may seem like poor, mediocre, mild effort to you. But there are other aspects this bad game makes it unworthy of being played. You may miss a great person! So go straight to the point and ask him. We are in XXI century, it is ok for women to be more straightforward and take initative. Be brave and don't waste your time asking yourself "is he serious? is he playing?" Why don't you just ask him? Nobody in this forum can know for sure. Only him! Edited October 15, 2014 by dynamicboy 1
Beautiful Kisses Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 ame makes it unworthy of being played. You may miss a great person! I agree with her, at least he's making an effort. You're kinda like me over analyze and over think every thing he does or say because your on the defense. Our guards are UP, I'm actually realizing this about myself as I type this, but anyway. We're so afraid of being hurt or "played" that we put on a front like its no big deal.or IDC when in all reality all we want to do is be free, go with his flow and open ourselves up more. Even if it means being a little vulnerable. Give him a chance! He wants you, but he sense that your guard is up, so he doesn't want to date you seriously on that slippery slope hun. I care for you as a woman and I just want to tell you don't be afraid to open up n take a chance with him! XO! 1
Redhead14 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 I can't tell if this guy is a player or not. Sometimes he'll ask me future questions. He wanted to play out a "joke" and take a picture of me with a wedding ring on my finger, and say it's him that purposed. He told some of my friends that I was pregnant with his baby but then quickly said he "was joking". He also thinks that every guy is "no good" for me. He's direct with it. When I say I am going out with a guy, he'll say "He's a piece of crap! Ugh...him?" "Why do you like him?" Yet he'll date other women, and he did ask me out....but I don't want to get hurt so I am afraid I will fall in love with him I guess. I know it's weird lol. I am very cautious because of the heart ache I had in my life. We go for periods of not speaking to each other, but my friends keep saying I "pushed him away" and I "won't give him a chance" He'll either call me or show up at my doorstep randomly, but he is not as consistent as he use to be. Can't tell if it's because I rejected him or if he's a player? My other friend said he thinks he has a "crush" on me. But he really doesn't make a HUGE effort to be with me, but again. I don't know if that's me or him. So how do I know if he's a player? Because he is a conflicted character. He seems like he wants something serious, but then it seems he doesn't. I can provide more details if need be. Thank you! I can't tell if this guy is a player or not. If you are asking this question based on unfounded fears you have and based on past experiences with other people, you need to put that aside. If you are asking because he's done things that have caused you to have fear and you aren't posting as much as needed for us to know that, that's a different thing. Until he does something that actually causes you to have that fear, i.e. you have good reason to think he is a player, then you take the chance until he shows his colors. You cannot go into a dating scenario making assumptions or worrying that that person is going to hurt you. Those fears will cloud your ability to see the person for who they really are. 1
travelbug1996 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 How is he making an effort?? He hasn't ever asked her out properly. This dude is playing games. If he was interested you wouldn't be on here asking this question. You would know it by the way he treats you. Who cares if he's a player or not. He's not asking you out so he's not THAT interested.
Author Ashley S Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 How is he making an effort?? He hasn't ever asked her out properly. This dude is playing games. If he was interested you wouldn't be on here asking this question. You would know it by the way he treats you. Who cares if he's a player or not. He's not asking you out so he's not THAT interested. He did ask me out, but I rejected him. He stopped asking me out, and it seems that he will subtly ask me out, like he'll hint around to do something now. Before he would just flat out ask me, but I rejected him so I don't know if I kinda ruined that in a way
d0nnivain Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 I don't think he's a player so much as he has an odd sense of humor & may be too immature or insecure to step up & ask you out so he's beating around the bush. He asked you out & you said no admittedly based on your own fears. If you like him but don't like the fact that he dates other women, tell him that. Tell him you are looking for an exclusive relationship but you don't believe his current behaviors indicate that he is capable of that. See what he says. The fastest way to get a player to go away is to be direct. There's no game in that. 1
Author Ashley S Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 I can't tell if this guy is a player or not. If you are asking this question based on unfounded fears you have and based on past experiences with other people, you need to put that aside. If you are asking because he's done things that have caused you to have fear and you aren't posting as much as needed for us to know that, that's a different thing. Until he does something that actually causes you to have that fear, i.e. you have good reason to think he is a player, then you take the chance until he shows his colors. You cannot go into a dating scenario making assumptions or worrying that that person is going to hurt you. Those fears will cloud your ability to see the person for who they really are. Yeah I am basing it off of his past. I hear from people a lot about him. I have this attraction and like to him, but I am afraid that what I hear about him, is true. I hear that he goes through women like water, and I can see that myself. He did have a girlfriend, and it lasted like 2 years, but he seems to be partyer and a guy that doesn't want to settle down, but what confuses me is that there are times he seems like he wants to settle down, because he'll talk about marriage and having kids, and he seems more comfortable with just hanging out with one person, or one girl. It's like he is both! And I can't decipher what he really wants. I just don't want to fall in love with him, and then have my heart broken. Another, is that he doesn't really speak to me often. See, I don't know if it's me though, because my friends said I "pushed him away" because I rejected him so much. He'll randomly show up at my door though or call me, so he keeps in touch with me and he keeps in his life somewhat. I don't know if he still is holding onto hope? And that is why he wil randomly call or show up at my door? It's very confusing and I should drop it, but I can't seem to do that. Thank you.
Author Ashley S Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 I don't think he's a player so much as he has an odd sense of humor & may be too immature or insecure to step up & ask you out so he's beating around the bush. He asked you out & you said no admittedly based on your own fears. If you like him but don't like the fact that he dates other women, tell him that. Tell him you are looking for an exclusive relationship but you don't believe his current behaviors indicate that he is capable of that. See what he says. The fastest way to get a player to go away is to be direct. There's no game in that. Good points! I actually did call him a "player" once, and he said "I'm not a player" and the other time I said it again, and he just laughed. I will maybe try that, but I am too scared lol. I am a very low confident person, and my emotions are almost always hidden. I am not sure how to approach this with him, but maybe I will try what you said. I just need the courage lol. Thank you.
Author Ashley S Posted October 15, 2014 Author Posted October 15, 2014 ame makes it unworthy of being played. You may miss a great person! I agree with her, at least he's making an effort. You're kinda like me over analyze and over think every thing he does or say because your on the defense. Our guards are UP, I'm actually realizing this about myself as I type this, but anyway. We're so afraid of being hurt or "played" that we put on a front like its no big deal.or IDC when in all reality all we want to do is be free, go with his flow and open ourselves up more. Even if it means being a little vulnerable. Give him a chance! He wants you, but he sense that your guard is up, so he doesn't want to date you seriously on that slippery slope hun. I care for you as a woman and I just want to tell you don't be afraid to open up n take a chance with him! XO! Yeah I am over-thinker lol. So it's nice to hear someone relates to that My guard is definitely up, do you think he can sense that? Or see that? I guess I feel like it's not a huge effort, but see I don't know if it was me that prevented the effort? Because I rejected him? When he sees me he'll ask what I am doing, almost hinting that he wants to take me somewhere, and I either always have work or class. So I will say either one of those that I am doing, and then he'll leave pretty quickly, but then I don't hear from him...sometimes it's 2 weeks to a month and then he'll randomly call or show up again. It makes me feel like I am not important or he is trying to get with someone else, but then again, maybe I appear very disinterested. I am not sure if it's me or him. It's just weird how he doesn't really cut me out of his life, he keeps me in his life somehow, it's just not consistent, again...I don't know if I did that or caused that though, because I know for sure if I was constantly trying to get with a guy and he kept rejecting me or saying he was busy, I would back away and not call him or text or even see him really. But everybody is different lol. Thank you for the advice! xoxo
Imajerk17 Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 (edited) I'm confused by your obsession with this guy. Didn't you just write a thread about how you're only attracted to nice guys?? Edited October 15, 2014 by Imajerk17 1
mammasita Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 How is he making an effort?? He hasn't ever asked her out properly. This dude is playing games. If he was interested you wouldn't be on here asking this question. You would know it by the way he treats you. Who cares if he's a player or not. He's not asking you out so he's not THAT interested. His actions reek of PLAYER and you even say THIS!!! I hear that he goes through women like water, and I can see that myself Come on now. 1
HereNorThere Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 So he ask you out and you rejected him, but keep him on the backburner? And he's the player? Paaahleeze.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 Have you created threads about this guy before? The story sounds very familiar.
Redhead14 Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Yeah I am basing it off of his past. I hear from people a lot about him. I have this attraction and like to him, but I am afraid that what I hear about him, is true. I hear that he goes through women like water, and I can see that myself. He did have a girlfriend, and it lasted like 2 years, but he seems to be partyer and a guy that doesn't want to settle down, but what confuses me is that there are times he seems like he wants to settle down, because he'll talk about marriage and having kids, and he seems more comfortable with just hanging out with one person, or one girl. It's like he is both! And I can't decipher what he really wants. I just don't want to fall in love with him, and then have my heart broken. Another, is that he doesn't really speak to me often. See, I don't know if it's me though, because my friends said I "pushed him away" because I rejected him so much. He'll randomly show up at my door though or call me, so he keeps in touch with me and he keeps in his life somewhat. I don't know if he still is holding onto hope? And that is why he wil randomly call or show up at my door? It's very confusing and I should drop it, but I can't seem to do that. Thank you. Well, there isn't anything wrong with going out with him. He may or may not be a player and how do you know that even if he's a player, that you won't end up being more to him? Just manage your hopes and emotions and don't invest too much. And don't sleep with him until he's upped his approach and focusing on you. There comes a time in most guys lives who are players, when they grow tired of that and at some point do find someone special. You just never know. As I said in another post too: Dating and gardening have similarities. Sometimes you can't distinguish the weeds from the flowers until the flower blooms. Some weeds will flower too, they aren't good for your garden either. Don't be afraid to date a few weeds, they will help you to learn the difference between a weed and a flower sooner. 1
singsparkles Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 I can't tell if this guy is a player or not. Sometimes he'll ask me future questions. He wanted to play out a "joke" and take a picture of me with a wedding ring on my finger, and say it's him that purposed. He told some of my friends that I was pregnant with his baby but then quickly said he "was joking". He also thinks that every guy is "no good" for me. He's direct with it. When I say I am going out with a guy, he'll say "He's a piece of crap! Ugh...him?" "Why do you like him?" Yet he'll date other women, and he did ask me out....but I don't want to get hurt so I am afraid I will fall in love with him I guess. I know it's weird lol. I am very cautious because of the heart ache I had in my life. We go for periods of not speaking to each other, but my friends keep saying I "pushed him away" and I "won't give him a chance" He'll either call me or show up at my doorstep randomly, but he is not as consistent as he use to be. Can't tell if it's because I rejected him or if he's a player? My other friend said he thinks he has a "crush" on me. But he really doesn't make a HUGE effort to be with me, but again. I don't know if that's me or him. So how do I know if he's a player? Because he is a conflicted character. He seems like he wants something serious, but then it seems he doesn't. I can provide more details if need be. Thank you! You know, I have to say that this dude might just have real feelings for you. But the problem is he sees you dating other men so he dates other females in return... yet he does say a lot of things underlyingly meaning that he does care about you, he kind of makes a joke of it so he doesn't feel rejected. If you really do have feelings for him and he's stuck around this long watching you date other men, I think you should give it a chance... because he might truly really care. From my experience, men who aren't serious about you don't stick around and watch you date other guys. Those men would be gone in a second. I think it shows respect he's still in your life and being your friend. He obviously sees something in you he isn't willing to let go, but yet might not make any moves for fear of rejection. He just might be your guy... you never know... I say give it a try. 1
Author Ashley S Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 I'm confused by your obsession with this guy. Didn't you just write a thread about how you're only attracted to nice guys?? I am attracted to nice guys. I wrote about how I wanted a nice guy But for some reason I like this dude. It's stale though because I am not doing anything lol.
Author Ashley S Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 So he ask you out and you rejected him, but keep him on the backburner? And he's the player? Paaahleeze. Lol, well I rejected because I thought he was a player. That's what I heard from people, but I still like him and I am confused weather I should take a chance or not. I am so afraid of heartbreak. I go through it way too much, so I don't have that "take charge" "take risks" attitude anymore.
Author Ashley S Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 Have you created threads about this guy before? The story sounds very familiar. No I didn't create any threads about this guy. And this is my only account
Author Ashley S Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 Well, there isn't anything wrong with going out with him. He may or may not be a player and how do you know that even if he's a player, that you won't end up being more to him? Just manage your hopes and emotions and don't invest too much. And don't sleep with him until he's upped his approach and focusing on you. There comes a time in most guys lives who are players, when they grow tired of that and at some point do find someone special. You just never know. As I said in another post too: Dating and gardening have similarities. Sometimes you can't distinguish the weeds from the flowers until the flower blooms. Some weeds will flower too, they aren't good for your garden either. Don't be afraid to date a few weeds, they will help you to learn the difference between a weed and a flower sooner. I like your gardening analogy, that's pretty cool! Ugh...I know! If I like him this much I should probably give him a chance, but I already feel like my emotions are invested and it would devastate me more if I were to have that harsh reality blow up in my face that he really was a player lol. I know I have issues. I am so cautious now, I don't take risks anymore or take charge. I went through too many break ups and heart ache that I am just so protective of myself. I don't really know how to go about this with him. You made some really good points and I appreciate you taking the time out to comment on my post. Thank you and take care!
Author Ashley S Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 You know, I have to say that this dude might just have real feelings for you. But the problem is he sees you dating other men so he dates other females in return... yet he does say a lot of things underlyingly meaning that he does care about you, he kind of makes a joke of it so he doesn't feel rejected. If you really do have feelings for him and he's stuck around this long watching you date other men, I think you should give it a chance... because he might truly really care. From my experience, men who aren't serious about you don't stick around and watch you date other guys. Those men would be gone in a second. I think it shows respect he's still in your life and being your friend. He obviously sees something in you he isn't willing to let go, but yet might not make any moves for fear of rejection. He just might be your guy... you never know... I say give it a try. Thank you Well see...that's where it gets confusing. He is around in my life but just not a lot like it use to be. He will randomly show up in my life or call me randomly, but he is not consistently in my life. It is weird though because when I see him and if I mention a guy or talk about a guy he gets noticeably jealous and will make a snappy comment about the guy. He does still have me in his life though some way. But again, I don't know if it's me or him, because I rejected him, so it is understandable that once you are rejected you pull away, I know I certainly would. Thank you for the encouragement to go out with him, but I am still wondering if I should or shouldn't give him a chance, because I am not a risk taker anymore. I went through many breakups and now I am so protective of myself. I am afraid the harsh reality of him never caring about me will hit me in the face and I won't be able to handle it lol. I know I have issues...ugh! I am always doing this to myself. Thank you for taking the time out to comment on my post, and giving me your perspective on it
ExpatInItaly Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 No I didn't create any threads about this guy. And this is my only account Hm. Well, just based on his bizarre ideas about "jokes", I'd say he is on the immature side. Not very appealing.
Diezel Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Have you created threads about this guy before? The story sounds very familiar. All of her threads have this underlying theme to them.
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