Author Ajax Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Pardon me but I saw you're here a while now so I gave myself a quick rundown of your story. You are no rookie so I can't tell you anything you are not aware of. I have two questions - you ever heard anything from your ex from Aug '10? Funny story actually. As it turned out my most recent ex had been that ex's teacher in nursing school. I didn't become aware of that until several months into the relationship, and it didn't seem to matter. I never heard from or spoke to previous ex from the day she dumped me until one weekend this past May my recent ex girlfriend and I were taking a road trip across two states. We ran into my ex from 2010 in a thruway rest stop, she and her boyfriend were going to the same city we were. How far on selfimprovement you came since then ? I finished my Masters and got myself put back together, but it took a while. By the time I met my current ex I was in a really good place. How happened that you were blindsided once again? Were there red flags? I wasn't exactly blindsided this time. Mistakes were made on both sides.
BC1980 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I was half expecting (hoping) to get a text last night from my ex for New Years. I sure did. But rather than New Years well wishes it was this: "Hi Ajax. How are you? I was organizing my snowboard stuff and have some of your ski gear that I want to get back to you. Also, saw the official (facebook official) announcement of your sister's baby. That's exciting." I was with friends, but I'm pretty sure my face went white as a sheet and I just about dropped my phone. I did respond and hour or so later after I'd composed myself with: "Yeah it is, I'm looking forward to being Uncle Ajax. I actually got some new ski gear for Christmas, so I have everything I need, but thanks." I know, I know, No Contact and all that... And yeah, I reacted. I'm still steamed about it because despite the congenial manner, it just feels so cold that after (what's it been, ten weeks?) she still just wants to be rid of my stuff. This from the woman who spent six months asking me to move in, and then six months later kicks me out. And I think that's what steams me the most. She always held all the cards. It was her house so if things didn't work to her satisfaction she could always send me packing. It was always me going further out on the limb, taking a low paying job and moving into her house. Bad call on my part? Yeah, it probably was. Maybe I'm angrier at myself than her anyway. I feel for you because I had a very similar experience after my breakup. My ex wanted to meet for lunch, so, against all advice, I agreed. Well, the lunch wasn't the bad part. As we get to our cars, he pulls out a box with a bunch of my stuff in it. He gives me the box and says, "Keep in touch." Then, he just drives off like it was nothing. It killed me quite honestly. I felt like he just wanted to get rid of my stuff but cushioned it with lunch so he wouldn't feel like a complete arse. I've never felt so humiliated and hurt. Like I meant nothing to him. Anytime I would miss him, I reminded myself of that incident. My advice. Block her. No one needs to go through more emotional torture by staying in contact with an ex. It's so unnecessary when you are trying to heal.
kenmore Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I took a job that was less than I wanted so I could move in with her. I did the bulk of the cooking, cleaning, and yard work, but she made considerably more than I did, so I felt it was a fair compromise there. But I also felt that she didn't really appreciate the things I had to offer. Man does that ever sound familiar! Same! I kept wanting to focus on finding proper employment and even told her that I should just take a week and do nothing else and she wouldn't have it! She was earning most of the money and therefore I "needed to pull my weight". It seemed so backward because pulling my weight would have been accomplished by me getting properly employed. And of course, like you said, none of what I did was ever appreciated. It was always expected of me and I had better do a damned good job too. I took a huge load off of her and she's experiencing that now. you would think it would open her eyes. So, she told me to get out because I wasn't properly employed and now that I am, it's too late. she's going through with the divorce. Sorry to take over your thread with my issues, but when I read that it just hit home! Also sorry for your loss. I wish you the best. Ken
Author Ajax Posted January 3, 2015 Author Posted January 3, 2015 Man does that ever sound familiar! Same! I kept wanting to focus on finding proper employment and even told her that I should just take a week and do nothing else and she wouldn't have it! She was earning most of the money and therefore I "needed to pull my weight". It seemed so backward because pulling my weight would have been accomplished by me getting properly employed. And of course, like you said, none of what I did was ever appreciated. It was always expected of me and I had better do a damned good job too. I took a huge load off of her and she's experiencing that now. you would think it would open her eyes. So, she told me to get out because I wasn't properly employed and now that I am, it's too late. she's going through with the divorce. Sorry to take over your thread with my issues, but when I read that it just hit home! Also sorry for your loss. I wish you the best. Ken Thanks for sharing, Ken. It's always helpful to know you're not alone.
Author Ajax Posted February 4, 2015 Author Posted February 4, 2015 A couple days ago I got a missed call from the ex. I'd deleted her number from my phone and she didn't leave a message, so I didn't know it was her at first. I looked the number up later, and yeah, it was her. I haven't respontded, and won't, but it did get me thinking about her again. Well played, Ex. Well played. Along with deleting her phone number I unfriended her on Facebook a few weeks ago, and it really did help me stop thinking and worrying so much. I know everyone says you should do it immediately, but it took me a while to be okay with cutting ties. When I finally was ready it was almost a cathartic experience. I've actually been doing pretty well lately. I still want to find a job doing more what I want and with better pay, but I have a new position at my current school which is a little better than the one I had. I'm eating and sleeping better now. And I've been thinking about getting back in the dating world again. 3
fronk Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 Stay strong Ajax....know that you aren't alone. I came on here just today looking for help in dealing with my recent breakup of 3 years.
mightycpa Posted February 6, 2015 Posted February 6, 2015 So this ex looks like she's determined to keep sticking a needle in you to see if she can elicit a response. Sometimes you've got to help yourself. Why not reach out with a nice text message that implies goodbye? I appreciate you wanting to keep in touch, but each time you try, it feels like you keep re-opening my wound. It's too soon for me. I'll let you know when it isn't. Until then ..... There's no shame in that. As long as you're not groveling or pining, then I think you'd be doing yourself a favor.
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