BluEyeL Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 No. Just NO. I don't want a relationship where me or my SO won't be able or feel comfortable to discuss about serious problems. Women who don't like men pulling away, as you said, do it for a reason. A friend can give all the time in the world and wait and be there when their friend needs them. But a SO? Giving him time for what? Why can't a couple go through problems together? If a man would tell me "I'm sorry I'll be distant for some time until I solve my problems (about which I won't tell you anything) and I'll contact you once I've solved them" the message I would receive would be "I only want you to have fun but I don't trust you or respect you enough to have a serious relationship with you". Next. Valid points, but they've only been dating for 1 month, so he's not a SO yet.
RebelWithoutACause Posted October 15, 2014 Posted October 15, 2014 He got back in contact with me pretty quickly given what he's dealing with and he apologized and he has upped it a little. As for him slithering back in, I would not characterize it that way. This man has given no indication whatsoever that he is a snake. He is a human being with a lot on his plate. If he comes back in a big way, we will have weathered a big storm already. I hope it turns out to be a one off thing. Certainly leaving him be for now is the best strategy.
Author Redhead14 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 I hope it turns out to be a one off thing. Certainly leaving him be for now is the best strategy. Yep, I'm convinced it's a one off thing. This is why I don't assume things when I go into a dating scenario. Yes, it's true that when a man doesn't keep in touch or goes away a little it means they aren't that interested. But, you have to pay attention and be aware of what's going on in their lives and just plain be fair. Just a little update . . . Tuesday night he texted good night, etc. We had a brief, light, flirty conversation. Yesterday neither of us texted. I was swamped at work and had a date with someone else after and didn't get home until very late, so I didn't want to bother him. Anyway, he texted me this morning at 9 and I was on a conference call. About an hour later he texted again, Are you ok? He's thinking about me but just isn't in a good place right now, plain and simple. On top of that his car is giving giving him trouble. I answered him and suggested a hike on the weekend just to get him out of the house. It might do him a little good. 1
BluEyeL Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 He's OK, I'm glad he's in touch and you'll meet, the problem is, he sounds like a project..... I personally don't like to date projects.
Author Redhead14 Posted October 16, 2014 Author Posted October 16, 2014 He's OK, I'm glad he's in touch and you'll meet, the problem is, he sounds like a project..... I personally don't like to date projects. I'd tend to agree with you, however, I don't think it will be a drawn out project He's actively seeking work and doing side jobs as much as possible. He's not going to allow himself to stay this way for long. He's driven. I've dated guys who weren't working and weren't doing much to improve their situation and seemed like they were used to being out of work and I said "good luck. All the best to you" Next. I'm not investing much of myself in him, but willing to let it play out whatever happens. 1
singsparkles Posted October 16, 2014 Posted October 16, 2014 Here is an example of what I've said in numerous posts: I have been dating another man for a little over a month. He's been attentive, communicative, daily good morning/good night texts, calls in between. He is struggling with the recent loss of his job and for the last couple of days hasn't been keeping in touch as much. I only sent one text in that time to say "hey, how's it going?" He was away too. He didn't respond. I left it alone. He just texted me asking how my day was going and apologized for not being in touch and explained that he has been in a funky mood and didn't want to bring me down. I told him that I understood where he "is" and that he should take the time he needs. He knows I like him and he can talk or contact when he wants or needs to. I place no expectations. I then said, I was happy to hear from him and that I'm having a good day. Call me if you want to vent. I'm a good listener. He replied with thank you very much. I've dated girls who went ballistic on me because I didn't text them as often as they wanted or if a day went by Thanks for understanding and I may take you up on your offer of lending an ear tonight. I said, well now you're dating a woman Redhead, I think you're doing the right thing in giving him space. I kind of had a similar instance... a guy I dated two years ago had lost his job and told me he felt horrible about himself and basically told me his self esteem was shot, and he kind of backed away intimately and I thought something was wrong with me. But I gave it time... 2 months went by and he found a job and started coming around all the time and showing me how much he cared. We were incredibly intimate, he would wanna do it any time, any place, it was crazy. Lol I do think men have egos when it comes to being able to provide, and when they feel they can't or they feel not up to parr with you, they will back off until they feel worthy enough of you. Right now he probably looks at you as a great catch and wants to match up to you, and right now he doesn't feel like he does. I definitely think giving him time and space is great... if he really cares about you, he most definitely will come back and it will be very fulfilling. Time will tell... xoxo
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