wntlfgrd Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Well here it goes: I was in a very crappy relationship for 4 years - we broke up 1 1/2 years ago. I started dating a man I work with shortly afterwards. The first 4 or 5 months was very rough - I was messed up and he was the playboy. We worked all thru that - pretty much after he took a long vacation. He realized that he actually cared a lot for one girl and I couldn't have missed the man more. We were perfect for each other, he was loving, romantic, caring and goofy. What went wrong: I got in the damn nesting stage (I'm 29). I wanted more than the weekends that we got together. I was working alot more and started back to school and could not make the small drive to see him during the week. So the only time we had together was when he came to town for his weekend job that we both work at. We work at nights so it came to the point that the time we had together we spent fighting on not seeing each other. One night I had it and completely said things that I didn't mean and broke his heart. Now he believes that we are better off with out each other even though we still talk almost everyday and he claims he still loves me. What gives? I have apologized for my behavior and he knows that I am miserable. I don't doubt he loves me but I am not going to wait around for him to have his cake and eat it to. What should I do to make him "S*** or get off the pot"?
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 10, 2005 Posted March 10, 2005 Now he believes that we are better off with out each other even though we still talk almost everyday and he claims he still loves me. What gives? He's getting all of the positives of your relationship and none of the negatives. This works for him, because he gets what he considers the best of you while conveniently avoiding the what he considers the worst of you. He loves you, insofar as what your positives are, but not enough to want to have to deal with the negatives. What should I do to make him "S*** or get off the pot"? You can try to push it further, but I seriously doubt its going to get past the 'one dimensional, pleasant, casual' relationship that he wants (and is getting) from you. He figures this works for you, or else you wouldn't still be there and on some level condoning it. All you can do is let him know that it doesn't work for you, let him know exactly what you want from this relationship, and withdraw yourself so that he can decide what to do with the ball that you just put squarely in his court. This will be the point where he will have to decide what to do. Do realize though, that when you put a ball into someone's court like that - there's a very good chance that the person is just going to drop the ball and walk away. Don't push it, if you aren't prepared to deal with the worst.
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