Affair now ended...

[Trotters]

I had an affair with a married woman(Im single but stupid I know)

 

 

This went on for 9 months originally started chatting, emailing, texting, meeting up once or twice a week then onto sex.

 

 

sHE CHEATED on her husband 8 times with me. Shes 32 & hes 42, been married for 10-13 years I think. She said her husband nearly died a few years back & her daughter too when she was born & said these things "bind" them together.

 

 

She said she isn't happy, but wants to work on her marriage so we cant carry on. We both know we had amazing chemistry & connection & she said shes in love with me & I actually believe her. I asked her 3 times was she using me, was it just for the thrill & did she regret it after each sexual encounter, I offered her to walk away & each time she said no. Thing is, she isn't going to tell her husband shes had an affair. How can you work on your marriage if you don't admit an affair?. She said she doesn't want to hurt him & I understand that, but what happened to communication, trust & honesty?. Maybe shes learnt her lesson, but is she being selfish again by not telling him after so many times?. Once is a mistake but 8 times was her choice. Isnt that replacing one lie with another for rest of her life?. Shes only 32 & is gonna go back to him pretending nothing happened, everythings normal & rosey. I think she may stop temporarily, but she has a long way to go in her life to keep that up forever.

 

 

Somethings not right in her marriage for her to do this. I asked her why shes cheated on him & she said "I honestly don't know" especially 8 times, but she said her husband wants sex 3 or 4 times a day, worships her & compliments her daily, so why would she cheat if hes giving her all this attention which is what most women crave?. She said she feels "connected" to me.

 

 

We used to chat for 3 hours a night & we only stopped coz he checked her phone & nearly got caught otherwise I think we'd still be doing that today. She should have been talking to him & spicing up her sex life with him not with me. Her husband I think must have been getting suspicious but has no idea what shes been upto. I think shes got away with it.

 

 

Maybe her marriage will be stronger now but just not a fully honest marriage, something just doesn't seem right to me. Im wondering if shes really being honest with herself?.

 

 

Don't get me wrong I feel crap & I take my fair share of responsibility it isn't just her fault, its partly mine too, but the fact she isn't going to tell him makes me feel sick(And no I wont get revenge im not that type).

 

 

She said to me she still wants to be friends, I said NO!!! & I said I don't want any contact from her!!!. I am poison to her marriage. How can she expect me to be friends after weve been romantically involved? & how can she work on her marriage if im still on the scene?. I cant text her incase he checks her phone(which he did once, sent her gps tracking apps, checked her phone bill & her fb friends to see who & where she was out with). If I did meet up with her again, I bet she wouldn't tell him. Friends to lovers is easy, lovers back to friends isn't.

 

 

Seriously, she wants to work on her marriage but still wants me as a friend?????. Whats all that about?. If she had nothing to hide anymore surely she could tell her husband shes meeting me or whatever?.

 

 

Have I done right thing refusing friendship & all forms of contact?. I do miss her though considering the chemistry, connection and banter we had. We havnt spoken for 3 days & feel we have both lost potentially the best lifetime friendship either of us will ever have again...all because we both fell in love with each other & I think she is still in love with me.

[Minnie09]

She simply does not want to give up the attention you give her, hence, the "friendship" offer. That way, she won't lose you for good, and at the same time she can feel better about herself for doing the right thing, i.e. stopping the cheating. Which is just a lie that she's telling herself.

 

The reason why she won't tell her H the truth? Well, because then he might have options, which he does not have at the moment. He is living a lie and he doesn't even know it. He is being deceived. If he knew about the A, then he'd have the option to leave, or make her leave, or set boundaries, which she most likely won't want. So that's why.

 

At the end of the day, she is not willing to change a thing. She won't leave her H, and she doesn't want to give you up, either. She just says she does, but what she really wants is what she's been doing for the past ** insert number here ** months/years. You'll be on the backburner until she needs some on the side.

[hazy_shade_of_grey]

She's not available until the divorce is final which doesn't sound like is going to happen. Kudos to you for walking away from the situation.

 

Make a clean break, heal, learn from this and then consider seek a partner that is available.

[FusionCutter]

I had an affair with a married woman(Im single but stupid I know)

 

 

This went on for 9 months originally started chatting, emailing, texting, meeting up once or twice a week then onto sex.

 

 

sHE CHEATED on her husband 8 times with me. Shes 32 & hes 42, been married for 10-13 years I think. She said her husband nearly died a few years back & her daughter too when she was born & said these things "bind" them together.

 

 

She said she isn't happy, but wants to work on her marriage so we cant carry on. We both know we had amazing chemistry & connection & she said shes in love with me & I actually believe her. I asked her 3 times was she using me, was it just for the thrill & did she regret it after each sexual encounter, I offered her to walk away & each time she said no. Thing is, she isn't going to tell her husband shes had an affair. How can you work on your marriage if you don't admit an affair?. She said she doesn't want to hurt him & I understand that, but what happened to communication, trust & honesty?. Maybe shes learnt her lesson, but is she being selfish again by not telling him after so many times?. Once is a mistake but 8 times was her choice. Isnt that replacing one lie with another for rest of her life?. Shes only 32 & is gonna go back to him pretending nothing happened, everythings normal & rosey. I think she may stop temporarily, but she has a long way to go in her life to keep that up forever.

 

 

Somethings not right in her marriage for her to do this. I asked her why shes cheated on him & she said "I honestly don't know" especially 8 times, but she said her husband wants sex 3 or 4 times a day, worships her & compliments her daily, so why would she cheat if hes giving her all this attention which is what most women crave?. She said she feels "connected" to me.

 

 

We used to chat for 3 hours a night & we only stopped coz he checked her phone & nearly got caught otherwise I think we'd still be doing that today. She should have been talking to him & spicing up her sex life with him not with me. Her husband I think must have been getting suspicious but has no idea what shes been upto. I think shes got away with it.

 

 

Maybe her marriage will be stronger now but just not a fully honest marriage, something just doesn't seem right to me. Im wondering if shes really being honest with herself?.

 

 

Don't get me wrong I feel crap & I take my fair share of responsibility it isn't just her fault, its partly mine too, but the fact she isn't going to tell him makes me feel sick(And no I wont get revenge im not that type).

 

 

She said to me she still wants to be friends, I said NO!!! & I said I don't want any contact from her!!!. I am poison to her marriage. How can she expect me to be friends after weve been romantically involved? & how can she work on her marriage if im still on the scene?. I cant text her incase he checks her phone(which he did once, sent her gps tracking apps, checked her phone bill & her fb friends to see who & where she was out with). If I did meet up with her again, I bet she wouldn't tell him. Friends to lovers is easy, lovers back to friends isn't.

 

 

Seriously, she wants to work on her marriage but still wants me as a friend?????. Whats all that about?. If she had nothing to hide anymore surely she could tell her husband shes meeting me or whatever?.

 

 

Have I done right thing refusing friendship & all forms of contact?. I do miss her though considering the chemistry, connection and banter we had. We havnt spoken for 3 days & feel we have both lost potentially the best lifetime friendship either of us will ever have again...all because we both fell in love with each other & I think she is still in love with me.

 

I was in almost identical situation as you.

 

I know it is extremely hard to understand, but this woman is not a good woman. This is not a woman with integrity. This is not a woman that you would want to marry. This is not a woman that you want to take home and show your friends and family and how proud you are of her. This was once a woman where her husband did exactly that. She spoke her vow in front of all of her friends and family. And she also spoke those vows in front of all of his friends and family. Just think about that. This woman's word means nothing. She could tell you that she loves you with everything and that she would leave l in a heartbeat. But it all doesn't matter. Remember she promised to love her husband forever and unconditionally. This means her word means nothing.

 

Please wake up and see the situation for what it is. If she is an honest and a woman with integrity, she would instantaneously try to make things right by taking steps to leave her husband to be with you. Because she doesn't want to do that yet, that says that she is an evil woman. It's really not that complicated. I know your fueled my emotion right now. All you have to do, is ask her to leave her husband today. If she doesn't want to do that, she doesn't love you at all. She might have feelings for you, but that is different than being in love with you and wanting to be with you. It's very possible for a woman to feel feelings for another man while being married to another one. However, in virtually all cases, that love is not strong enough to cause her to leave. The best we can for you to do in this situation, is to advise you to simply leave it. If you walked away and she came chasing back after you, that's a different story. Likely will happen is when you walk away she will never return in your life. The sooner you can walk away, the less the hurt will stop.

[Sugar Magnolia]

I had an affair with a married woman(Im single but stupid I know)

 

 

This went on for 9 months originally started chatting, emailing, texting, meeting up once or twice a week then onto sex.

 

 

sHE CHEATED on her husband 8 times with me. Shes 32 & hes 42, been married for 10-13 years I think. She said her husband nearly died a few years back & her daughter too when she was born & said these things "bind" them together.

 

 

She said she isn't happy, but wants to work on her marriage so we cant carry on. We both know we had amazing chemistry & connection & she said shes in love with me & I actually believe her. I asked her 3 times was she using me, was it just for the thrill & did she regret it after each sexual encounter, I offered her to walk away & each time she said no. Thing is, she isn't going to tell her husband shes had an affair. How can you work on your marriage if you don't admit an affair?. She said she doesn't want to hurt him & I understand that, but what happened to communication, trust & honesty?. Maybe shes learnt her lesson, but is she being selfish again by not telling him after so many times?. Once is a mistake but 8 times was her choice. Isnt that replacing one lie with another for rest of her life?. Shes only 32 & is gonna go back to him pretending nothing happened, everythings normal & rosey. I think she may stop temporarily, but she has a long way to go in her life to keep that up forever.

 

 

Somethings not right in her marriage for her to do this. I asked her why shes cheated on him & she said "I honestly don't know" especially 8 times, but she said her husband wants sex 3 or 4 times a day, worships her & compliments her daily, so why would she cheat if hes giving her all this attention which is what most women crave?. She said she feels "connected" to me.

 

 

We used to chat for 3 hours a night & we only stopped coz he checked her phone & nearly got caught otherwise I think we'd still be doing that today. She should have been talking to him & spicing up her sex life with him not with me. Her husband I think must have been getting suspicious but has no idea what shes been upto. I think shes got away with it.

 

 

Maybe her marriage will be stronger now but just not a fully honest marriage, something just doesn't seem right to me. Im wondering if shes really being honest with herself?.

 

 

Don't get me wrong I feel crap & I take my fair share of responsibility it isn't just her fault, its partly mine too, but the fact she isn't going to tell him makes me feel sick(And no I wont get revenge im not that type).

 

 

She said to me she still wants to be friends, I said NO!!! & I said I don't want any contact from her!!!. I am poison to her marriage. How can she expect me to be friends after weve been romantically involved? & how can she work on her marriage if im still on the scene?. I cant text her incase he checks her phone(which he did once, sent her gps tracking apps, checked her phone bill & her fb friends to see who & where she was out with). If I did meet up with her again, I bet she wouldn't tell him. Friends to lovers is easy, lovers back to friends isn't.

 

 

Seriously, she wants to work on her marriage but still wants me as a friend?????. Whats all that about?. If she had nothing to hide anymore surely she could tell her husband shes meeting me or whatever?.

 

 

Have I done right thing refusing friendship & all forms of contact?. I do miss her though considering the chemistry, connection and banter we had. We havnt spoken for 3 days & feel we have both lost potentially the best lifetime friendship either of us will ever have again...all because we both fell in love with each other & I think she is still in love with me.

 

 

 

You have done the right thing,,, when my H was seeing an OW, he broke it off, she talked him into being friends, 6 months later we ran into her at a bar,,, within 30 seconds I could tell that she still wanted him, freaked, he has not spoken, text or emailed her since... had I not been there who knows what would have happened, ..... they had text for 6 months, I saw them all..... no doubt in my mind that you can never go back to "just friends"...

 

 

you are right on the money,,, good luck