cottom Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Im 22, girls say i look great, work out a lot so my body is good condition. Ive had a great education and now work a good job (im at the bottom level on $50,000 a year). I work 5 days a week in one town where i have a renter flat and then friday night to monday morning im back in my home town house where my mates are. I treat girls like they are the only one out there, while im away on business theyll get a suprise gift from me, nothing big but something nice and sweet (last one i got a jumper saying pug life and a gangster pug, cause she loves pugs so we looked up how long they live "pug life" and it came up with a load of gangster pugs, so an in joke which she loved and still wears now even after breaking up. I want a girl that wakes me up with a good morning, makes an effort to speak to me, wants to spend time with me over other people, is as happy sitting in watching a film than going out getting drunk together. My last 3 girls though: 1) Her much older ex was beating her and then she met me and we hit it off and lasted 2 years, she left for another guy but was still telling me how much she loved me and i was the best thing ever. 2) Her ex died and she went through alcoholism to cope and then met me and we connected and lasted 2 years then she met another guy and was seeing us both and then i found out and she was begging me she was sorry etc 3) She was only ever used by guys, led on, gives sex then ditched. I came in and offered her more but 2 months later she decided she was to young for a relationship and wanted to be single and have fun. Every single one of them seemed to have a case of grass is greener and they all found that the grass is never greener on the other side (still waiting on the latest ex actually). But what is it that i am doing wrong that gives these girls the idea grass is greener then they always find it isnt
Toodaloo Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 (still waiting on the latest ex actually). But what is it that i am doing wrong that gives these girls the idea grass is greener then they always find it isnt You are still young so don't wait around for them. Go and have fun with your mates and soon you will find someone who has the same ideals as you. Its not just a girl/ guy thing. We have the same problems. Its just that as you get older you care less about having someone be with you and you are less likely to put up with that sh7t so you are more available when someone worthwhile does come along. Chin up chook.
Assasda Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Seems like you think your job and you body matters to women. They dont. They may initial attract women to pay attention to you, but they dont keep them. What you need is hobbies and friends OP. Because, I would never say that I want a girl that wants to see me more than other people. - It tells me that youre attention seeking - Which also means that you do things to please yourself. Become the person that you want to date OP. 1
Diezel Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Here is your homework, Google these two things: "White knight" "No More Mr Nice Guy" You might learn a LOT about yourself reading about that.
Author cottom Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 Wow, that no more mr nice guy described me perfectly. I can get girls easily through my external factors and the idea of a nice guy appeals to these girls that have had **** with exes. Once their in though i go overboard taking care of them and putting them first and generally boring them. When i look back i can see the points at which my relationships took a turn for the worst. First one i was the bad boy who then went on to uni and got his act together. Second one i got into gang problems and as soon as i got that together and sorted myself out and put her first she started looking at other guys. Next one i was the party guy who knew everyone and everyone wanted around, i then moved away and lost all my mates and then she left for another popular guy. This one, i was the guy who had mates inviting him out clubbing left right and center, i stopped that and settled down and was happier with ****ty tv shows than going out seeing people. She left to be young and go out etc. Its everything to do with me putting a girl first, its such a stupid thing but to get a girl you have to pretend you dont want them
cristalina Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Its everything to do with me putting a girl first, its such a stupid thing but to get a girl you have to pretend you dont want them Not true. Some of it is honestly the age-range and possibly where you are finding these girls. Many WOMEN want a good man. Also, it seems like all three of your women had abuse issues from the men they were with. Abuse is a very tricky thing, and it does a number on a woman. Until a victim is able to completely heal, she will live with a lot of fear which leads her to be afraid to commit. Many women that are physically abused and/or sexually abused will run from good relationships out of fear. If you're going to go with a woman that has been abused as you have with these others, make sure she's properly healed or is currently focused on counseling and true healing. Otherwise, she'll more than likely run from you to the next thing. It's a sad and vicious cycle that many women need healing from. 1
oldshirt Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 See my responses below and also on your other thread. Im 22, girls say i look great, work out a lot so my body is good condition. Ive had a great education and now work a good job (im at the bottom level on $50,000 a year). (part of it is you keep going after young girls. Young girls want to date the jock. You are becoming self supporting man. You need to be looking towards adult women. The reason you've been pursuing girls is you don't think you can get a woman. You need to change your outlook and mentality. I work 5 days a week in one town where i have a renter flat and then friday night to monday morning im back in my home town house where my mates are. as a young man, you are embarking on a new life. You need to stop running back to the block every weekend and start building a new life and making new friends and ultimately looking for a new mate where you ARE and not where you used to be. LDRs are nothing more than pen pals and aren't real. Focus on where you are in the world and become a man in the present, not in the past. (PS - letting go of my old mates and old stomping grounds was hard for me too when I was 22 and heading out on my own so I know how it is. But it wasn't until I made my life in the present where I actually was that I started having success with adult women. I treat girls like they are the only one out there, THAT IS YOUR PRIMARY PROBLEM RIGHT THERE. STOP THAT!!! That is called "oneitis". Look it up and stop doing it. Stop holding out for "the one" and then investing all your focus on that one. Instead start casting a wide net and ask out every woman that illicits an interest. Multi date. In time 'the one' will rise to the top and the others will fade away naturally. I want a girl that wakes me up with a good morning, makes an effort to speak to me, wants to spend time with me over other people, is as happy sitting in watching a film than going out getting drunk together. you sound like a chick describing the perfect cuddle-bunny. Nut up. Here's another big problem - you are trying to be what you want. You want a girlfriend so you are trying to BE a girlfriend. Stop that. Women aren't attracted to or sexually desire their girlfriends so stop trying to be a chick. You have to be your own MAN. My last 3 girls though: 1) Her much older ex was beating her and then she met me and we hit it off and lasted 2 years, she left for another guy but was still telling me how much she loved me and i was the best thing ever. you were good at listening to her problems and handing her hankies to wipe the tears out of her eyes. She left once you had kissed her boo boos enough and she wanted a man that turned her on again. 2) Her ex died and she went through alcoholism to cope and then met me and we connected and lasted 2 years then she met another guy and was seeing us both and then i found out and she was begging me she was sorry etc everyone is compelled to look when they drive past a train wreck, but cleaning up the wreckage and putting all the pieces back together should be left to the professionals who are trained and tasked to do it. Learn to walk past train wrecks. It may be impossible not to take a peak, but keep walking. 3) She was only ever used by guys, led on, gives sex then ditched. I came in and offered her more but 2 months later she decided she was to young for a relationship and wanted to be single and have fun. no. As I said in your other post. She undid the snaps on her pants and dropped her drawers of her own free will. She was bitter with them after the fact when they moved on to other girls. She faded away with you because you weren't turning her on enough and she moved on to others who made her jay-jay tingle. This just happened to be after you had kissed her boo boos and handed her the Kleenex while she told you her tales of wo. Here's a hint for future reference. Do you think she was spilling her guts and whining about all her problems to these other guys and do you think they were sitting there brushing her hair away from her eyes so the tears could flow??? NO. She was too busy riding them like a stolen horse to tell them her problems and is she did start to whine, they said, ' this sounds sad, let's go do something fun to get your mind off of it.....liking sucking my d!(k." Every single one of them seemed to have a case of grass is greener and they all found that the grass is never greener on the other side (still waiting on the latest ex actually). they left because 18 year old girls have short attention spans and they are going gravitate toward whoever is giving them the most excitement and stimulation - even if that stimulation is painful. But what is it that i am doing wrong that gives these girls the idea grass is greener then they always find it isn't? you're doing a number of things wrong - - trying to pursue and maintain relationships in places you aren't located. - you get a terrible case of "oneitis" every time some chick responds to you. Stop investing yourself so much so fast. Do not rush into any kind of commitment and casually date anyone that catches your interest. Don't be afraid to multi date and don't be afraid to be upfront you are keeping options open. It is actually a very healthy thing. - you are pursuing serious , stable, LTRs with a population that is incapable of having them. 18 year old girls are innately unstable and have short attention spans. Pursue women that are also educated, self-supporting and interested and capable of stable relationships. - you try to rescue train wrecks. Just stop. - you are trying to be a nice cuddly, nurturing girlfriend. Embrace your masculinity, sexuality and be an adult man. - stop cloaking your sexuality and be a sexual adult male. Stop with the covert contracts. - stop letting chicks use you for support, nurturing, validation, attention etc etc while giving you nothing in return. If someone starts to use you for nurturing and is friend zoning you and not responding romantically/sexually the way you want, move on to the next one. See above. That should give you some things to work on and keep you busy for awhile 1
Toodaloo Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Its everything to do with me putting a girl first, its such a stupid thing but to get a girl you have to pretend you dont want them Its the same with girls and guys though... for us to be interesting we have to be aloof... I am so loving the phrase nut up... Can't wait to be able to use that one. Listen to Old shirt... 1
d0nnivain Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 You like wounded birds. You want to fix them. They don't want that. Date women who aren't mess when you meet them.
oldshirt Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Its everything to do with me putting a girl first, its such a stupid thing but to get a girl you have to pretend you dont want them Partially correct, partially not. Pretending to not want them just makes you look like an ass. That's not it at all. The thing is when you are going out and doing fun things with fun people and are having a good life, that is attractive and desirable. When you are sitting around listening to people's problems and wiping the tear out of their eye and rubbing their feet, that is not. The irony is it is not attractive even when it's their problems, their tears and their feet. The point I wan to make though is listening to problems and kissing boo boos and rubbing feet, have their place and sometimes it is critical to maintain a relationship. It's all about degrees. If you make a lifestyle of being a cuddle-bunnie and stay-at-home nurturer, you will get left behind eventually every single time. But if you maintain a fun and active lifestyle and pursue your passions, but provide some needed support and comfort when the sht really hits the fan and people are in crisis, you will be ok. Wisdom comes into play in differentiating between when a crisis is occurring vs when some chick is just another train wreck that doesn't have her sht together. If you are having to put out a fire and stop the bleeding all the time, you just have another damsel in distress and are trying to white knight again. 1
oldshirt Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 You like wounded birds. You want to fix them. They don't want that. Date women who aren't mess when you meet them. Or wait until they have their own crap together before you actually invest anything into them. Learn to keep your eyes on the road and keep on driving when you go past a car wreck. Leave the crisis intervention for the professionals.
Author cottom Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 Oldshirt, you have just summed up every issue wrong with me in a few posts and it feels like youve known me your whole life. When i look back to this past relationship i realise when i first got with her i was out with mates all the time, going clubbing etc. But then i moved away, i saw her saturday night and we'd go out, after a week away i only wanted to spend time with her and not other mates, one night i was cranky and had a go saying going outs **** and immature and a waste of money...it was that point where i remember she lost interest. In the break up she said she felt she was to young for me, i wanted to settle down and she wanted to go out clubbing every week. She said she didnt even know if she wanted a bf. I just feel she broke it off with me because the stress of moving away from everything for me and i when i got back on the weekend i was exhausted and just wanted to spend time with her, which wasnt the me ive ever been before. In your experience oldshirt, or any posters...considering we liked all the same things and we hang out in the same places and know the same people, what are the chances she can look past all whats gone on and realise i was what she wanted after all? Or should i knock it off, cause i live in the middle of nowhere, work in a job that the youngest is double my age and i feel like **** amd lonely now with 0 people to talk to 1
slizl Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Don't change a thing about yourself! You are going to make some woman very happy in the future. You are just at a rough age where guys and girls hook up more than have relationships. In a few short years, the tables will turn and you will be a total catch. I garantee that the girls that dated you in the past will realize later in life that they missed the boat by dumping you and will regret it. Your time will come soon, just keep plugging away.
nerdlingZA Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Your're 22 & have a limited social life = working, at 22 I'll still be banging university girls.
preraph Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Sounds to me like even though you have done so much to get yourself together, you still emotionally changing a lot and picking women who are unsettled or you think need saving. Realize that you're still very much in transition yourself and just may not be ready to find your real love until you level out and find yourself really stable emotionally and every other way. Meanwhile, have fun. But I echo Donnivain that you may be placing too much emphasis on saving women or women who need you. I know it can make you feel like a man, but at least try for women who have the skills to take care of themselves if you aren't there to step in, because you don't want to raise a child or rehabilitate someone. You need them to have a foundation under them or they are not ready for a good relationship. So ask more questions. Do they like their family? If not, how do they cope with that? If they hate their family and drink to kill the pain, don't get involved. If they like their family or don't like them but manage to stay civil and don't self-destruct or anesthetize, that says something about their coping skills. If they have had more than one instance of abuse and keep going back for more, they need more help than you can give them, except you have my permission to give their ex a bloody nose. I only know one woman who had an isolated incidence of abuse, who wasn't raised in a chaotic household so abuse was normal to her. She took on this guy and felt it was a mission from God and he died young and she never ever got into abusive relationships again. But she is unusual. Usually the victims will be some way drawn to that lack of boundaries to let those guys in. You sound like a good guy. You deserve a happy person to have fun with, not a project. Good luck.
oldshirt Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 In the break up she said she felt she was to young for me, i wanted to settle down and she wanted to go out clubbing every week. She said she didnt even know if she wanted a bf. In your experience oldshirt, or any posters...considering we liked all the same things and we hang out in the same places and know the same people, what are the chances she can look past all whats gone on and realise i was what she wanted after all? Or should i knock it off, cause i live in the middle of nowhere, work in a job that the youngest is double my age and i feel like **** amd lonely now with 0 people to talk to I was in exactly and I do mean EXACTLY the same situation you were in when I was 22 and had moved away to my first job and became separated from my 18 year old 'true love.' I'll share my experience on that when I get some time to write.
spiderowl Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Don['t know, you sound like a very decent guy. Perhaps you seem too serious to these women and it spooks them. They are obviously not used to being appreciated and having someone faithful around. I'm sure you will meet someone who does appreciate your great qualities, so don't give up on women. Just check you are meeting ones with some common sense!
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