daizy Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) Sorry this is so long! I would really appreciate some advice. So my guts telling me that this guy I'm seeing is interested in me beyond sex, but may not be enough to hold him down, since he gets a lot of attention from girls from what it seems, and has a history of casual hook ups (he's had some relationships too - not all faithful). He'll sometimes ask me what my thoughts on marriage are because his parents split up when he was young. Our conversations range from getting to know each other to being playful and flirty. Each time I see him I feel like he opens up more personality-wise. We always go out some place nice for drinks, I offer to pay but he never lets me, and he'll pick me up and drop me home. The last time I saw him (fourth date) I met a couple of his friends at a lounge and then we ended up at his place, 2/4 dates led to sex. The first time he was the first one to ask if I wanted to be dropped off home but the last time he wouldn't say anything until it got really late and I asked him too. He was a lot more affectionate and cuddled, would stroke my back, hold me closer, make lots of eye contact and little things like that. He kept asking what my opinion of him was, (because he was being maybe too honest about some stuff that turned me off but I tried not to judge). He called me a bad texter and I think the fact I don't bombard his cell like other girls does get to him just a bit (I hate begging for attention). The thing is, he's made it clear from the start that he hooks up a lot and saw someone not to long ago which is fine we're both single (not so sure about right now if he's two-timing me). he even joked about crazy sexts he gets from some girls and his ex who called him. Now maybe I'm WAY to chill about this stuff but I actually laugh a long and contribute to the conversation at this point and add in my own stories. There's no awkward tension, but then I'll realize why the heck are we actually talking about this?? It's kind of weird? But I figured since he was so open I would be open too and told him I went out on another date and things like that. He's made it clear from the first time we hung out that he's super sexual (so am I, I really believe in sexual compatibility but I haven't had nearly as many sexual partners as him). So now I can't see him as a potential boyfriend or someone I can take seriously. I like him but his player persona gets in the way, since he could be just using me... I just don't want to be hurt in the end. I can see myself potentially falling for him. Does it sound like he could be into me? I feel like he usually goes for wild, outgoing type of girls and I'm a lot more reserved, laid back, introverted... i guess a "nice girl" or whatever. I never initiate contact first maybe once and we're both terrible at texting but he's the one who texts first to see how I am and then to hang out, and I just don't know if I should continue or if there's potential here and I should test the waters? Any advice? What do you think honestly?? Edited October 14, 2014 by daizy 1
Diezel Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 What is this thread about? You went on and on and on about how he is a player and all these crazy girls he goes out with and how he hooks up all the time and now you are asking if he is into you? He showed you his spots, why would you believe differently? It sounds like you are on the cusp of getting emotionally involved. My advice? Don't. As soon as you give in to him, he'll walk away. 3
Gaeta Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I have no idea why you think this man is into you. Yes he is only into you for sex. A man telling you he's hooking up with other girls on regular basis is not worried one bit about you dropping off the face of the planet. 2
LoneIsland Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 He's rather attractive, I'd give him a go if I were a girl. 1
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Well, it seems like he is very open and wants to be accepted in a lot of ways. The only thing that bothers me is you seem OK with what you have, yet are questioning him over yourself. IMO, if you have a relationship with a person that is hooking up with others don't expect them to drop what they have over you. It is not going to happen... reason being they are too caught up in satisfying their desires that are filling their emptiness, as if one is fulfilled there is no need for excess. What troubles me is where your heart is, as it does not tell you what you want from a man, or your just ignoring it to obtain attention. 1
oldshirt Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 When people tell you who and what they are, believe them. - Maya Angelo He is not using you for sex because he has been upfront and honest about himself and you have voluntarily dropped your drawers of your own free will. From what you describe, I do think there is a mutual attraction and chemistry. The other questions you ask can only be answered by either time or a Chrystal ball. These are questions that will be revealed by his actions and behaviors. If you get it on a couple more times and then he just kind of fades away while he screws other women, then yes, his primary interest is sex. If he continues to pursue a more in depth and consistent relationship and the other women fade away, then he pursuing more than a roll in the hay. 2
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Sorry this is so long! I would really appreciate some advice. So my guts telling me that this guy I'm seeing is interested in me beyond sex, but may not be enough to hold him down, since he gets a lot of attention from girls from what it seems, and has a history of casual hook ups (he's had some relationships too - not all faithful). He'll sometimes ask me what my thoughts on marriage are because his parents split up when he was young. Our conversations range from getting to know each other to being playful and flirty. Each time I see him I feel like he opens up more personality-wise. We always go out some place nice for drinks, I offer to pay but he never lets me, and he'll pick me up and drop me home. The last time I saw him (fourth date) I met a couple of his friends at a lounge and then we ended up at his place, 2/4 dates led to sex. The first time he was the first one to ask if I wanted to be dropped off home but the last time he wouldn't say anything until it got really late and I asked him too. He was a lot more affectionate and cuddled, would stroke my back, hold me closer, make lots of eye contact and little things like that. He kept asking what my opinion of him was, (because he was being maybe too honest about some stuff that turned me off but I tried not to judge). He called me a bad texter and I think the fact I don't bombard his cell like other girls does get to him just a bit (I hate begging for attention). The thing is, he's made it clear from the start that he hooks up a lot and saw someone not to long ago which is fine we're both single (not so sure about right now if he's two-timing me). he even joked about crazy sexts he gets from some girls and his ex who called him. Now maybe I'm WAY to chill about this stuff but I actually laugh a long and contribute to the conversation at this point and add in my own stories. There's no awkward tension, but then I'll realize why the heck are we actually talking about this?? It's kind of weird? But I figured since he was so open I would be open too and told him I went out on another date and things like that. He's made it clear from the first time we hung out that he's super sexual (so am I, I really believe in sexual compatibility but I haven't had nearly as many sexual partners as him). So now I can't see him as a potential boyfriend or someone I can take seriously. I like him but his player persona gets in the way, since he could be just using me... I just don't want to be hurt in the end. I can see myself potentially falling for him. Does it sound like he could be into me? I feel like he usually goes for wild, outgoing type of girls and I'm a lot more reserved, laid back, introverted... i guess a "nice girl" or whatever. I never initiate contact first maybe once and we're both terrible at texting but he's the one who texts first to see how I am and then to hang out, and I just don't know if I should continue or if there's potential here and I should test the waters? Any advice? What do you think honestly?? Any time you sleep with a man for the first couple of times, you should expect them to pull away a little. They need time and space to evaluate the situation. When they pull away, let them. Don't try to pull them back. If they close up the space again and are consistent then they've decided to pursue more with you. You should always be prepared to never hear from them again or having them contact you inconsistently and keep you wondering. 1
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 You are letting your imagination get the best of you. Like a lot of women, they like the challenge, to tame the beast, that's why they fall victim (I use that loosely) to players and bad boys. If you think you are taming the beast, you feel more special that he has chosen you over those other girls. Well guess what all those other girls feel the same way as you do and trying for the samething. It's a losing battle. See it for what it is, he is just banging you till the next thing comes along. They always feed you bs to keep you coming back. If you start to get too emotionally involved, that's when they will dump you or start to pull away. They won't have anything to do with that, because that's when the drama begins. Jealous girls, become phone snooping FB stalking crazies. No player, bad boy wants to deal with that. 1
smackie9 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Is there any potential? Yes, potential for disaster. 1
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