Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 So I met a guy off internet whom I had been talking to for about two months prior. Our connection over text was great. We couldn't stop talking. We'd talk all throughout the day, eager to tell each other what was going on and wish each a good day at the beginning, and talk about our personal lives until 1am as we fell asleep. He was always super flirty and made me so giddy. He lives almost two hours north of me, so when I found out he was going to be a couple towns over last week for work, I asked if he'd like to meet up for drinks. He was doing a bridal show for his job as a videographer. We agreed to met up at local place to get a drink afterwards. He told me how nervous he was and that he had butterflies just thinking about it. 'This was going to be SO GREAT', I thought. As I pulled up, I texted him and told him I was there. He texted back and said, 'by the way we have company.' Was he for real? For some reason, he thought it'd be a good idea to invite a couple photographers he met at the bridal show. It was another couple, and I felt so uncomfortable and taken off guard by this considering it was the first time meeting. The only reasoning I could find behind this was that he was just really nervous and thought it'd be easier to break the ice and feel more comfortable if there were other people of our field there to talk to incase things got weird. Well it was a horrible idea, because the other photographers just rambled about their booming business and how great it is and him and I just gave each other looks across the table at how dumb of an idea that was. We hardly got a word in edge wise. After I downed two martinis, they left about an hour later. Thankfully, he stayed with me so we could talk alone. He made a joke that he also thought that was a terrible idea. He made several comments the rest of the night about how beautiful I looked and besides him being obviously nervous, I think it went great. He texted me the next day saying thanks for meeting up and that it was worth the drive. It's been a few days since then and our conversations are different. He still texts me every day but our conversations are short and dry. He talks a lot of business talk and not so much flirty flirty. A couple days ago he said we should meet up to form a business plan next week. A who? Can he just straight up ask me on a date? I don't get it. The next day, he said he couldn't wait to see me again. I asked him what his schedule was like, and then I compared my own and said I was off Tuesday if he wanted to hang out. He kind of just changed the subject and that was that. I don't get it... he still texts me throughout the day but about very dry/business subjects, and no more good conversations till 1am anymore. No more flirting. What gives? He said he liked me. He said he wanted to see me again. What is going on? Guys are freakin confusing.
Assasda Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I think this dude just lacks confidence. He thinks he's not good enough for some reason. Move on OP
Arieswoman Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Personally, I wouldn't waste months talking to someone before a meeting. I would chat for long enough to see if you had any common links and then schedule a meeting in a public place. Just my 2-penneth...
quidproquo89 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 (edited) I've fallen into this trap myself, no matter how good you get along via text. It means absolutely nothing until you actually meet. Everyone can get along via words on a page, being together in person is how you discover what someone is truly all about via there mannerisms, tone of voice, how they look, present themselves. Did he know this was meant to be a date? If so bringing anyone else along is weird and kinda rude. Do you want to date him? If yes, tell him you want to go on a date, not a business meeting. He seems interested but unconfident and inexperienced, if your okay with that give him a chance. Up to you? Edited October 14, 2014 by quidproquo89 added more 1
Zippy2000 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 He`s acting differently because he`s not that much into you. Happened tome too. Was flirty towards a girl. Went on a date with her and she didnt meet my expectations and then decided wasnt for me so I didnt flirt as much. 1
Zippy2000 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 I think this dude just lacks confidence. He thinks he's not good enough for some reason. Move on OP What has confidence got to do with it? He`s just not interested after the date. He thinks he`s not good enough for soem reason? Well, whats the reason and how is he not good enough? My lord. Think what youre saying.
Diezel Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 The date didn't match up to the expectations after texting so long. That's what it reads like to me. If you gave him a firm date to "hang out" and he changed the subject, that's all you need to know. 1
Tayken Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 @OP....It's probably because of something that happened on the date? Remember back in Physics class, "for every action there is an equal, and opposite reaction".
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 Women to it too, but men more so . . . they meet someone that they are really attracted to and then go into an evaluation mode, they pull away a little to get a "grip" on how they feel about the woman. They do this other times as well when they are dealing with an intense emotion. If they pull away, don't try to close up the space by trying to pull them back. If they find that they are truly interested, they will close up the space again. This is not the same as blowing hot and cold, though. Hot and cold is about stringing someone along unless and until someone else better comes a long.
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 So I texted him and just straight up asked him because I'm 25 years old and I don't have time for games. I just said, "So lets just be honest for a minute.. is this just like a business thing now or?" He replied, "I like you Kate. And I'm not opposed to getting to know you better." Wtf does that mean? For some reason I still don't believe him.
Mrin Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 He replied, "I like you Kate. And I'm not opposed to getting to know you better." Wtf does that mean? For some reason I still don't believe him. Ok, for some reason i think you're British so please take this with a grain of salt. Here in the US, with the exception of some more blue blooded corridors in New England, the phrase "And I'm not opposed to getting to know you better" coming from anyone, male or female, is grade A bullsh*t and underscores some weird passive aggressive aloofness quality. Especially in your age range. Who the Hell talks like that? 1
Redhead14 Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 So I texted him and just straight up asked him because I'm 25 years old and I don't have time for games. I just said, "So lets just be honest for a minute.. is this just like a business thing now or?" He replied, "I like you Kate. And I'm not opposed to getting to know you better." Wtf does that mean? For some reason I still don't believe him. Texting as a means for finding out what a person is about, is useless. Not only that, you are pushing an issue on a man and now are still not sure of what his intentions are. Let him show you first. If you do it, you will get an accommodating or unclear response. Stop contacting him for a while. Let him come to you in a way that makes it clear to you. If he doesn't do that, let it go.
Tayken Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 "I like you Kate. And I'm not opposed to getting to know you better. Wtf does that mean? For some reason I still don't believe him." Ironically, apply your username to this question and you have the answer you seek...Kate
LoneIsland Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 He's new to dating and got scared. That was the reason for him bringing his friends along. The text going off the boil has 2 possibilities: 1. he did not find you attractive. 2. he thinks you are too good for him and he isn't confident he has a chance with you. Number 1 is difficult to fix. Given time, attraction to the personality might overcome the initial difficulties. Number 2 is easier to fix. If you continue to respond to him and compliment him on his strengths, his fears may subside. He is shy. This is not going to work if you are also shy. If you need a clear cut answer on what his intentions are you may have to ask him. Otherwise, his staying in contact could just be out of politeness that "nice guys" have to avoid being rude or to reject. But this doesn't help anyone and just continues the confusion and frustration.
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 He's new to dating and got scared. That was the reason for him bringing his friends along. The text going off the boil has 2 possibilities: 1. he did not find you attractive. 2. he thinks you are too good for him and he isn't confident he has a chance with you. Number 1 is difficult to fix. Given time, attraction to the personality might overcome the initial difficulties. Number 2 is easier to fix. If you continue to respond to him and compliment him on his strengths, his fears may subside. He is shy. This is not going to work if you are also shy. If you need a clear cut answer on what his intentions are you may have to ask him. Otherwise, his staying in contact could just be out of politeness that "nice guys" have to avoid being rude or to reject. But this doesn't help anyone and just continues the confusion and frustration. He has showered me in compliments about how I look during the 'meet up/date', constantly saying he thought I was beautiful and couldn't stop looking at me ect.. This normally makes me very uncomfortable because I'm self conscience so I don't like when people lay it on thick. But point of the story, I don't think it's #1. I realize he is shy, but that's why I asked him what this was. ugh :/
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 Ok, for some reason i think you're British so please take this with a grain of salt. Here in the US, with the exception of some more blue blooded corridors in New England, the phrase "And I'm not opposed to getting to know you better" coming from anyone, male or female, is grade A bullsh*t and underscores some weird passive aggressive aloofness quality. Especially in your age range. Who the Hell talks like that? Hm, I'm definitely not British lol, but anyway, I agree.. that is a terrible answer. I wasn't going to push it so I just replied to him, 'K'. That's my response for throwing my hands in the area.
LoneIsland Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 He has showered me in compliments about how I look during the 'meet up/date', constantly saying he thought I was beautiful and couldn't stop looking at me ect.. This normally makes me very uncomfortable because I'm self conscience so I don't like when people lay it on thick. But point of the story, I don't think it's #1. I realize he is shy, but that's why I asked him what this was. ugh :/ If it's number 2 then you will have to find a way to assure him he is good enough for you. Telling him some of your own deficiencies might help. If you wear makeup, try go natural when meeting him. Anything that lowers your intimidation factor will reduce his fears. Maybe you come from a more impressive background than his. That could scare him also. But, nothing reduces a guy's fears quicker than intimacy. So getting more dates going will help. Nothing you described suggests a rejection from him so far. As he's kinda new to it, you should make extra allowance for him.
True Gent Posted October 14, 2014 Posted October 14, 2014 A valuable lesson to be learned here... Never, ever get involved in long deep meaningful text conversations with anyone you have never met yet. It's a recipe for disappointment and disaster. He just isn't interested.
Author Hesjustnotthatin2u Posted October 14, 2014 Author Posted October 14, 2014 He asked me out for a day date Thursday and said he'd cancel his meeting to see me. I asked him not to do that and invited him to a haunted hayride with all my coworkers and their sos on Friday night so that I wouldn't be a third wheel. He said he'll be there. Maybe I over thought this too much.
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