Is it normal to think about someone you haven't seen for over a year?

[SecretT1993]

Is it normal to constantly be thinking about someone you haven't seen for over a year? It's only been the past 2 months I've started thinking about him again.

 

Below is a post I put in another thread, just in case anyone was interested. I'm really interested in seeing what people think about it. As I don't have anyone I can talk to in person about it.

 

Hey. So short story. I'm 21, I'm gay, it's a secret, and no one knows. I can't get over this guy who used to be my friend when I was 18 in college.

 

Long story. So I've always been the quiet, reserved time. When I was 18 in college I took up smoking, this one other guy there used to smoke aswell. I was known to be quiet and awkward amongst the other students. This guy used to always chat to me and have my back We got close as friends, and we hung out a lot. Honestly, he taught me so much about life, before I met him I had no life experiences and I had no idea about life and the whole outside world.

 

Anyways, I eventually fell for him, but of course I never told anyone. He's straight, he currently has a girlfriend. The more I fell for him, the more crazier I seemed to get. It got to a point where I used to always come to college having had a bit of a drink. I used to think it was 'cool' and it would impress him (I was naive and had no idea about life). I used to try and act like a big bad man to win his respect.

 

For about 4 months or so he really tried to help me stop drinking and think normally. Of course I never ever told him the real reason why I was acting strange. He eventually turned against me, embarrassed me infront of the college and removed me from Facebook.

This was heartbreaking for me. The first person I ever fell for, and it ended like this. I was crushed. After about a year I started to get over it, I went to a new college met some new people. I seen him a year ago, and we had a nice little chat. I tried re-adding him on Facebook after this, he didn't accept. I didn't care though I was over him by then.

 

I haven't been in college for a year and a half now, and don't meet new people very often. But I have sorted my life out. I'm completely sober. I have a car now and a lot of money, and I feel so accomplished and feel like I've overcome so much. But I just really miss him now. It's not even sexual anymore, I miss him as a friend. I'd love to have one last chat with him, see what he's up to - or at least show him the new me and show him I wasn't that alcoholic badman I was pretending to be.

 

Recently, my sleep has been getting slightly disrupted because of me thinking back to how I messed our friendship up last time. I'm remembering everything he taught me about life, and I want to see him again. He's a very popular guy, he has a girlfriend, I doubt he even remembers me that much? Would he want to speak to me? Would he start suspecting I'm gay and laugh?

 

Please help? Am I normal? What should I do? I don't want this to take over my life.

Edited October 14, 2014 by SecretT1993

[FortunateSon]

I still think about an ex I haven't see in over a year and a half. It by no means consumes my life, but I still think of her on a daily basis.

[Mr Scorpio]

It is perfectly normal, especially amongst abnormal people like myself. Now, if you are a person who can jump from one relationship/partner to another with ease, then such thoughts may be considered abnormal. However, I have no experience in such matters, so I'm going with normal.

[whichwayisup]

What made you start thinking about him again?

 

Since it seems you are interested in him more than a friend, being friends with him may be damaging to you. To love someone and want them, not be able to have them hurts and prevents you from finding someone else who you can love and have that person love you back as well.

 

Tell someone, a friend, a relative that you trust - You need support so you can come out. Be who you are. So far I see a genuine guy who just wants love.

 

Don't reach out to him. He deleted you off of fb and has chosen to walk away.

 

Remember him with a smile, the good times and what you learned from him. Feel blessed that you once knew him.

 

Life goes on.

 

Wish you well.

[SecretT1993]

What made you start thinking about him again?

 

Since it seems you are interested in him more than a friend, being friends with him may be damaging to you. To love someone and want them, not be able to have them hurts and prevents you from finding someone else who you can love and have that person love you back as well.

 

Tell someone, a friend, a relative that you trust - You need support so you can come out. Be who you are. So far I see a genuine guy who just wants love.

 

Don't reach out to him. He deleted you off of fb and has chosen to walk away.

 

Remember him with a smile, the good times and what you learned from him. Feel blessed that you once knew him.

 

Life goes on.

 

Wish you well.

 

Thanks, that answer helped me a lot

 

Over the summer I was watching Big Brother, and one of the housemates mannerisms and the way he spoke reminded me exactly of him.